My bubble

I wonder sometimes if I will ever be able to live with anyone again.

I have lived with people before of course. In my early post-parental-home life, it was flatmates. I moved in with my first partner when I was about 24. Since then, I’ve preferred to live alone rather than share a home with anyone I wasn’t sleeping with. Barring extraordinary circumstances, I will never again live with anyone who isn’t my partner.

My introversion manifests in part as a pretty extreme need for personal space. When someone is in my home, they don’t even have to be interacting … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Vulnerability as courage

Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.
It’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.

– Brene Brown, Power of Vulnerability (TED talk)

I struggle with making myself vulnerable. It’s no secret.

I’ve talked about it before in different ways: With some depth here, and more recently here.

I feel vulnerable at times, of course, but I show it very selectively, with reluctance, and I don’t like how it feels. It’s hard for me. If you want to see what my vulnerability looks like, well, it looks like … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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On punishment

A reader question:

“In a recent thread on FetLife you mentioned that you use punishment as part of your dynamic, while both recognizing and agreeing with the reasons some do not.

How does punishment work in your relationships? Removal of privileges? Some kind of physical punishment? Something else entirely?”

I did mention that, yes. For the record, my comment is here (requires Fetlife login), and the pertinent paragraph was:

Those who don’t like punishment dynamics generally fall into three camps: The ‘Talk about it!’ camp, the ‘He’s not a child’ camp or the ‘It doesn’t work’ camp. I get a

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Loves: 22
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Reader Q&A: So what are you like?

So what are you like when you are not writing this wonderful blog ? Are you happy and chirpy ? Are you quiet and stern ? Do you have a coy smile ? Are you naughty ? Do you pull pranks on your friends ? *writes a hundred more such questions*

*laugh* Cute questions, but of course, the ‘what are you like’ one is unanswerable in any definitive way.

Are you happy and chirpy ?

Yes, I’m a pretty happy person in general. I like to see good and positive in things and am generally optimistic about life and possibilities. … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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I said in my last:

I *really* wish that I enjoyed casual playthings because I think that would open up some very interesting opportunities…

I’m defining a ‘casual plaything’ as a boy who is attractive, fun, appealing, and temporary. Someone with whom a long term relationship isn’t possible for whatever reason, a short term fling who I would primarily treat like a treasured toy for a time.

Sounds great, right?

But it’s not. I can’t.

For the most part, I am either interested enough in someone to WANT them (I mean WANT in all senses of the word: physically, … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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Reader Q&A: Myers-Briggs (spoiler: INFJ)

Have you ever taken the Meyers Brigs Personality Inventory, and if so, what was your type beyond being introverted?

I have. I did it as part of a serious exercise in something-or-other at work way back when, and have since done it again online for curiosity’s sake with the same result.

I’m an INFJ.
Introvert(78%) iNtuitive(25%) Feeling(25%) Judging(33%)

When I first did the test forever ago, I found great relief in the ‘introvert’ descriptor because it described me so well.

I know there are theories about D/s and how they are grouped under the personality types, but whenever I’ve seen … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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Sleeping together

I don’t sleep well with another in my bed. I don’t sleep well at all for the most part. This tenuous relationship with sleep makes it precious, sacrosanct. There are few things more irritating than having my sleep interfered with.

I need to feel very comfortable with someone to want them in my bed, and if I don’t have that level of comfort, I don’t share well. I will lie there restless, unable to relax, hyper-aware that they are *just there*.

I let bambi fall asleep in my bed one night when he was here. We had played for some … Continue Reading

Loves: 20
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