Boys, toys, & champagne

© 'Champagne & toys' by and of Ferns

So a few things, random updates of sorts.

My Gentleman found my blog after our last date (hello there, MG :)). He could have found it earlier, he said, but he was waiting for me to tell him. Of course, we all know what happened before we got to that. He wasn’t upset about any of the content, and he was flattered to be written about, which is a relief to be honest. It means I navigated the line just about right.

He sent me a ‘war and peace’ length email after reading about himself to share his thoughts on … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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Femdom vs vanilla dating: Different approaches and why

Public domain mark'Untitled' by Pxhere

Femdom dating vs vanilla dating is like chalk and cheese for me.

I mentioned in a previous post that on the vanilla dating site, I take a very different approach to ‘when to meet’ than I do on BDSM sites.

There are a number of reasons for that that range from the obvious and simple to something more complex.

The first and biggest thing that influences my decision on ‘when to meet’ is that I’m an introvert and I get no pleasure or fun out of meeting people just because. So anyone who says ‘yeah, but it’s just a coffee … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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Balance in F/m voices

It’s hard to write about the issues I have with the lines blurring between professional and lifestyle Dommes without sounding like I’m anti sex workers.

But I’m not. I think pro-Dommes are amazing.

I think skilled, ethical real-world pro dominants do an awesome and valuable job. The good ones invest considerable time, energy, and money into their craft, their spaces, their equipment and into making sure their clients get what they paid for, both physically and emotionally. I think it’s a difficult job, and they deserve every penny of the money they make.

I think skilled, ethical online pros also … Continue Reading

Loves: 31
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The value of the ‘fuck yeah!’

The contact with lovely man I had a cute chat with at the BDSM event didn’t go anywhere and a friend asked me ‘well why don’t you contact him again?’

Because there’s no ‘fuck yeah!’ there.

I was the one who made the approach to talk to him at the event, I was the one who asked for his contact details, we exchanged a couple of friendly emails after the fact. I sent the last one, to which he didn’t reply. There’s no ‘fuck yeah!’ there from him. So why would I go after him? Pro-tip: I wouldn’t.

I have … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Post-a-day February: Done!

Phew!

You’ve had a whole barrage from me this last month. I’ve just been blurting stuff out all over the place :).

I don’t know how some really prolific posters do it, honestly.

I tend to only write if I have Something To Say. Plus I don’t really want to repeat stuff I’ve said before. PLUS I don’t have a lovely sub to actually talk about. And all of that makes posting so often a challenge.

Still, I think it was good for me to flex a bit of that ‘STFU & write’ muscle.

Posts will slow down some now, … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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Handy guide to interpreting BDSM personal ads

Here’s a handy guide to figuring out what people are saying in their kinky personal ads.

“looking for a true dom/sub”: I’m new here.

“I want complete control”: I haven’t thought about this one little bit.

“no limits”: I also haven’t thought about this one little bit.

“I’ll do anything”: As long as it’s hot like what I’ve seen in porn.

“discreet”: Having an affair.

“discrete”: Having an affair, but not very good with English.

“looking for a dominate/I am a dominate”: Aw, bless.

“I’m just an average person”: I’m boring.

“I’m not your average person”: I’m very boring.… Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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The night I went to a BDSM club

© 'I rocked that corset' By and of Ferns

Crowdsourcing my corset choice was a wise move, and thank you again to those who participated. Above is the final outfit with the red and black corset as the star, the gorgeous heels, and some nail porn for those who like that (and come on, who doesn’t like that?!). The theme was ‘back to school’, so I’m claiming ‘school marm’, and I did bring some dark-rimmed glasses to look disparagingly over the top of.

So how was my evening at a BDSM club? Sit down my darlings, grab a drink, and I will tell you all about it.

We agreed … Continue Reading

Loves: 36
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