From relationships past

Little reach-outs from relationships long past are strange things. I’ve mentioned a few over the years but was musing over a few others that came out of the blue.

None has had the same impact as my first submissive’s, but those jolts from the past were still a surprise.

My first proper boyfriend: 15 years later

I can’t remember the last time I saw my first proper boyfriend from when I was 16 or 17, but our end was tumultuous. I essentially left him for my girlfriend, which I’m sure was hard to take as a young man. … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Later that afternoon

Public domain mark'Bike, sea' by Unknown

Cycling north along the beach with the wind at our backs, the sun shining, and the surf endlessly rolling in, we could only just see our destination. The headland, far off in the distance, the salty haze making it shimmer in the distance. There was almost nobody around. Someone walking their dog, another person fishing, a surfer out the back of the break. Then miles of empty beach.

I always like the idea of a bike ride a lot more than I like any actual bike ride, and this time was no different. Even with the breeze behind us, the … Continue Reading

Loves: 22
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Sometimes, he melts

Three ice creams

As an additional comment to this long-ago post about my telling a submissive man I’m smitten by that he’s beautiful, about his reaction to hearing it, I’m surprised that I didn’t mention that sometimes, he melts.

Sometimes I say the words and I see in his response a wordless kind of breaking down, a softening, a downing of walls, an internal sigh of surrender.

Getting him to that unguarded state is not so difficult: It can come from intensity, from sensation, from relentless attack. When all of his senses have been overloaded, when everything comes down, THEN he melts.

But … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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I want to bring it!

One of my past submissives was a professional writer, a poet, he had a beautiful way with words that I adored. His mind was a messy complexity of wild imagination, odd and loud, and full of pretty things, and he offered it up unfettered to me, revelling in my enjoyment of it. We would play with each other in that way, throwing words in each other’s faces, conjuring up a strange magic that would floor me every time.

I once pointed him to some writing that I liked.

“Here’s something you might enjoy,” I said innocently.

He curled his nose … Continue Reading

Loves: 18
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Bad memory problems

I have a bad memory. Truly terrible. I actually think it contributes to my introversion because it means I run into awkward social problems:
“Oh, we’ve met before? Several times? Of course we have…”
“Meet… um… [blank]??”
“We saw that movie together? Did I like it?”

Then the non-trivial which is hundred-fold worse:
“Oh, you already told me your sister had cancer… :((” *wishes the ground would open up and swallow me whole*

At work I compensated by taking copious notes about EVERYTHING, making full use of my calendar, sending follow up emails after meetings confirming agreed outcomes, and … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Do you know yet?

This is pure unadulterated ego, but I STILL think it’s true:

A bummer with newbie submissive men I get involved with is that they won’t know how amazing I really am until they get some experience with others. Until then, they more or less think all Dommes are like me, probably better, because ‘internet’ :P.

But if am interested in them, if I’m with them, there’s something special there. Something unlike anything they are going to experience again, something truly unique and rich and mind-blowing, something rare and sparkling.

BUT THEY DON’T KNOW THAT YET.

They think ‘wow, this is … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Are ‘introvert Dommes’ a thing?

Yes, of course introvert Dommes are a thing!

Also shy Dommes, socially awkward Dommes, anxious Dommes, quiet Dommes, depressed Dommes etc. Wanting a D/s relationship isn’t contingent on being a certain type of person. On either side of the slash.

I am introverted, very.

I think people often use ‘introverted’ when they mean some of the things I mentioned above.

But that’s not what I mean by ‘introverted’.

For me, I’m talking more of a Jungian definition (think ‘MBTI tests’: I know I know, they are so yesterday :P).

That is, for me, people are energy sucks.

I do think … Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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