Shit Ferns says #17

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

I was gonna tweet “How are people fucking dating rn?!”
But really I mean “How are people fucking dating anywhere ever in the history of time?!”
Dating fucking sucks
Just bring me a fully formed relationship with someone who’s happy I slap his face before I sit on it

Look, if you’ve

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Shit Ferns says #16

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

Obviously I only write true highbrow literary works because I only ever use ‘come’.
Nevaaarrr ‘cum’. No-one in my writing gets to to ‘cum’.
COLD DEAD HANDS and etc :P

She beats both of them senseless for having the absolute wrong focus here :P

This is a thing people do for fun.

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Shit Ferns says #15

Random things I’ve said recently, no context.

I eat pretty healthy for someone who doesn’t cook.
For example, last night I had cheese and gherkins for dinner, soooo….

I appear to have burnt my face off

I never end up making it because I am a master fuck-arounder-er

I AM BRIGHT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, BITCH!

We got rocks thrown at us & chased by a group of men for kissing in the street

…my human

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Shit Ferns says #14

Random things I’ve said recently, no context.

Is that a ‘yes, I have no intention of meeting you’ salmon? If so you might have to specify: salmon species are not my forte

I think ‘vanilla’ = did not buy dedicated equipment for that :P

And here we have a vintage little number all about self-created snowballs.

“I wanked over a picture of you, THAT’S how sexy I think you are” is not the compliment those

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Shit Ferns Says #13

I haven’t done one of these for EVAARRR.

Snippets of things I’ve said, no context, for when my brain isn’t firing up enough to write anything of substance.

Am I sitting on your dick right now? Then no, I don’t care.

If dominance doesn’t mean ‘getting the kind of sex I want’ I wouldn’t bother. I can do ‘getting the kind of sex men like and approve of within the very narrow confines of their

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Shit Ferns Says #12

You know I missed number 4. That ‘shit I said’ list was apparently so lame, I didn’t even post it. Nobody cared. Nobody noticed. What I need is some decent stalkers who pay attention! Pay’s lousy and it’s pretty dull, but the position’s open.

Just avoided an internet argument by using my ‘Shield of Who the Fuck Cares What You Think’ disguised as my ‘Shield of Maturity’

Well, I do hope your cock is pleasantly

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Shit Ferns says #11

Random stuff, no context…

…”all the best with all the oral sex you are going to be having…” and now I feel super creepy and weird…

Yes, I AM too stupid to use sex toys, it’s TRUE!

…people talking to my ass is just uncomfortable for everyone concerned…

Well, okay, fine. I suction-cupped a dildo to the fridge. Doesn’t everyone do that?

“If only you’d done your kegel exercises, flabby-vagina bitches!”

QUOTES DO NOT DIFFERENTIATE

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