For those not familiar with the idea of financial domination, I’ll give my explanation just so you have an idea what I mean when I talk about it. And trust me when I say it’s hugely controversial.
At first glance, findom looks like a bunch of random 20-something women with hot pictures on the internet being mean to a bunch of thirsty dudes who just want to get a tiny snippet of attention and maybe a boob flash. This impression is no more the sum of findom than the porn stereotype of a hot latex-clad bitch who never gets an orgasm is the sum of female domination. It’s just the loudest and easiest to find.
Financial play in BDSM is about the dominant having authority or control over the submissive’s money in some way, and how that plays out varies wildly.
- Money as a fetish
For some, giving and receiving money or gifts is arousing. Money IS the kink in and of itself, and the money is the entire point.
- Money as power
Money represents power, those who have a certain relationship with money feel this deeply. So a money exchange is felt as power exchange, giving and taking power.
- Money as control
Using money as a vehicle for control starts to fall more into traditional D/s where the control of the sub’s money is a form of domination, whether it’s for a short time or for the long term, small amounts or the entirety of the sub’s finances.
- Money as transactional exchange
This one starts to get hazy, but is very common. Where the sub doesn’t pay for a particular service or item specifically, but if they pay they may get attention, humiliation, private chats, photos, cam time, etc with the dominant. The money buys proximity and playful exchange. Not quite ‘pay for play’ because you’re not actually paying for that service, but more of a transactional exchange nonetheless.
- Any combination of the above or something else entirely
Generally, it’s hard to define ‘what findom is’ because it can be broadened to any situation where someone feels a monetary exchange as some kind of power play, and that’s often not easy to nail down.
For many, this kind of play is purely an online endeavour, for others it’s part of a loving relationship, for some findoms it’s a job, while others do it for the kink, the D/s, or just for fun.
Some ways it might be practised include:
- Domme offers humiliation and trash talk to the ‘paypiggies’ and ‘losers’ who are so pathetic they can’t resist her power and beauty, so they comply with her demands for money or gifts
- Domme offers some kinds of personal attention and perhaps rewards to those who find her favour by giving her money or gifts
- Domme offers a ‘cash meet’ or shopping trip where they meet up and the submissive is used as an ATM, then sent away
- Domme is offered money or gifts as a service, a symbol of submission
- Domme controls the sub’s money either partly or wholly: She may give him an allowance, or have him ask for permission to spend it, may take some for herself
- Domme takes long term financial control of the submissive’s money: Managing his 401k, his investments, his budget, with the aim of improving his financial status
Findom is almost exclusively the domain of F/m, and it’s pretty much the only area of F/m where the number of Dommes looking for subs far far outstrips the reverse. As a point of interest, finsubs are very quiet about their kink out in public, and for good reason. It’s just about the only fetish where a submissive mentioning it out loud on the internet will result in a feeding frenzy of hot women wanting to talk to him, and while that may sound awesome, for most finsubs there’s more to their kink than ‘giving money to some random who calls them a loser’.
The reason it’s controversial is because it is a breeding ground for scammers and abusers looking to make a quick buck, and there can be an addictive element in it for some submissives (not unlike a gambling addiction) which makes them ripe for exploitation. Once you involve money in any situation, it is almost guaranteed to attract those who want to get a chunk of it without any ethical considerations. And ‘being mean to men on the internet and having them pay you for it’ (which is the most common impression of findom because it’s so loud) seems like a pretty sweet deal.