This is what a scam looks like

So, you (submissive male ‘you’) have emailed with someone for a while, she seems perfect, she ‘gets’ you, you have a lot in common, she likes your kinks, she thinks you are special. Then she asks for money. You go ‘hang on!’ and you baulk.

Then she sends something like this (actual email below). It is designed to hit every insecurity and doubt button you may have.

I am disappointed that you seem to want to fail so early and ruin everything but this is why I set this test. There are literally thousands of so called submissives who promise to do anything but really are just selfish and are only interested in themselves. This test is basically full proof in that respect as someone would never send a cash gift if they are a selfish person or disingenuous. Most just want to be submissive in their fantasy dreams and come out with unoriginal excuses trying to explain how wrong it would be to send a gift thinking they are being clever. Not realising of course that they have immediately stereotyped themselves, no woman wants a man who spends time thinking up ways to be selfish.

If what I have described in previous e mails is what you truly seek then you will not hesitate and understand why I have asked it. It is a significant show of trust and in terms of a long term relationship is nothing. Those looking for a quick masturbate would never send anything. If you refuse to obey then it is self explanatory no matter what you think, I have had far too much experience with fantasists and also real submissive men who are genuine so know the difference. If all you want to do is be submissive on your own terms and conditions then no Dominatrix will be interested in you.

I had thought we were getting a connection. The choice is send a gift through alertpay which is like paypal or goodbye. If you dont do as ordered then there is no need for any further emails as we will never meet. I will look elsewhere, so good luck in your life. Think carefully if you decline though as the opportunity will not be repeated by Me, dont miss it through being obstinate and its hardly like Im asking you to chop your arm off.

Do not judge me by standards of others either, you must move in strange circles!!

Goddess

It is not as simple as ‘Hello, send me money’, the sting comes after there has been promising conversations, after there is some emotional investment and when there some hope.

Ethical lifestylers, pro-dommes, or findoms do not do this. It’s a scam.

Don’t give strangers on the internet any money.

Edited to add: Other common scams involve asking for hundreds of dollars to buy a BDSM ‘training kit’ or toys, paying for a first play date in a dungeon hotel (there is a professional-looking website with addresses and photos of these imaginary hotels all over the world: They do not exist), paying to have a contract drawn up, paying to show sincerity, signing up to some for-pay website, or bailing the ‘dominant’ out of some tricky situation she’s gotten into (stolen passport etc).

It sucks.

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56 Comments

  1. Wow. That's really tough. It almost makes me ashamed of not wanting to give money to dominants. I hope that the submissives who get these e-mails are confident enough to see through that farce.

  2. boy you really HAVE been watching Xena Warrior Princess.

    Also you didn't Goddess's alertpay account number. How am I supposed to prove myself to her now?

    1. I think I’m in contact with a scammer posing as a Domme wanting me to become her sub. I found her on aff. We’ve been emailing a couple of weeks about our kinks. She send very long emails talking about the lifestyle. Now she says the last step before our first meeting is to trasnfer funds to purchase a top of the line bdsm kit. Suspicious. Anyone else run into anything similar

      1. @Bob: You are, and good on you for recognising that (and sorry that you got sucked in).

        This is a very common scam, so common it’s likely run in organised groups. Usually they ask for $600-$800.

        There’s no woman, there’s no meeting. Don’t pay any money.

        Ferns

        1. I have a similar thing. I was contacted via Fetlife. We started emailing and then she had me delete my account. Ask me to do a couple of things and prove via pics, then received graphic emails on what she wanted me to do with her. After a little over a week, she has hit everything I like and wants to meet, but only at a BDSM facility. Sounds like fun, but the only catch, it is not any of the popular ones in town. It is a “private” one with rooms starting at $400 and I have to make reservation and pay for it. There is no phone number to call, just a “contact us” page to request a reservation. They have houses in various cities in North America. It looks legitimate, but after doing a search on the internet, there was one guy who was scammed by this company. So now my hackles are up as it all seems too good to be true. She will not meet in a public place to have coffees we can just confirm that she is who she is. She does not want to meet that way since our relationship is not boyfriend/girlfriend, but BDSM only. That also is sending up warning flags to me as to not waning to just meet somewhere public. Am I on the right track as to trust my instincts as this is a scam, or I am I just overthinking it?

          Thanks!

        2. @Shane: This is 100% a scam, also a common one, and you are not at all overthinking it. They have set up a legit looking website for dungeon/hotel spaces all over the world. And you’re right, they don’t exist.

          Good on you for doing your research, and for asking before you handed over any money.

          Ferns

        3. I am experiencing it at this very moment. Just got the email to get the top of the line kit for $850 asap. Not falling for that one!

      2. I am right at this very moment sitting here staring at the exact email request for kit order or no meeting. This sucks, guess it could be worse, i could have paid $850 for some bullshit that never happened. Glad I trusted my gut.

  3. N: “I hope that the submissives who get these e-mails are confident enough to see through that farce.”

    I think quite a few aren't, and these things can be very convincing to the new, the eager, the hopeful, the vulnerable, the unsure. I am always glad when I see someone asking 'Is this normal?' and am disappointed when people roll their eyes as if they are idiots. If the scammer is good, they can be very convincing, and there is so much misinformation out there, that many newbies no longer know what is 'normal'.

    The 'no Domme will be interested in you' line is a horrible one.

    Ferns

    1. Hi guys,

      To be honest I took the bait. Mistress asked for paying the kits. The picture she sent me can be found on different websites. Now she is asking me for 850 more, the tribute to the bdsm community. But the same bank account. I feel so sad, manipulated and stupid.

      1. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s horrible, but at least you learnt quickly and didn’t sink more into it.

        You aren’t stupid: Trusting people want to believe. Add in hormones and wishful thinking and hope and, well, that’s why it works.

        Ferns

  4. Anonymous: “boy you really HAVE been watching Xena Warrior Princess.”

    Well, duh! Who doesn't?!!! She's awesome!

    “Also you didn't Goddess's alertpay account number. How am I supposed to prove myself to her now?”

    You can just send a paypal payment straight to my email (you'll find that in my blogger profile, top left). I will forward it to her, I pinky promise.

    Ferns

  5. “the opportunity will not be repeated by *Me*”

    “Do not judge *me*”

    So did she capitalize “me” for a specific reason or did she mess up on the lack of the capitalization on the other one?

    “Goddess”

    Lol I hope no girl ever asks me to seriously call her that…

    Anyway, I probably wouldn't have sent her money either. Partly because it seems like she calls herself “Goddess” and actually takes it seriously (which makes me not take her seriously) and also because it seems a little to scam-y to me. Who bases whether or not a relationship goes forward or not based on whether or not the other person sends you money?

    1. Who bases whether or not a relationship goes forward or not based on whether or not the other person sends you money?

      A findom does. It’s not a scam folks its a legit fantasey. His response should be “I’m not looking for financial domination goodness, I prefer physical domination” its that simple. And if he’s willing to pay tribute for physical domination this can be done in person to avoid online scams.

      What’s more entertaining than reading a thread full of people with fetishes judge other peoples fetishes lol

      1. Mz Scarlette,

        There is a huge difference between a legitimate, ethical findom and a scammer.

        I have no problem with ETHICAL findoms. Ethical findoms state up-front that financial domination is their thing: They clearly state what they want, and men who enjoy that will happily engage.

        Ethical findoms do NOT pretend to be offering a personal relationship, wax lyrical about the amazing connection they feel with someone, lie about what they are offering, and then use a submissive’s emotional confusion and hopefulness to demand money.

        Lying about intent and asking for money under false pretences = scammer.

        It’s not complicated.

        Ferns

  6. Thank you for this Ferns. When I was first exploring my subby side I did in fact have an interaction with a Domme who acted similarly and asked for a gift up front. I did reject the invitation to give her a gift but was wracked with doubt and feelings that I was doing it wrong and that this was accepted protocol. Your posting did ease a feeling I have been carrying for several years (although I did not realize I was carrying it)that I was soehow inadequate as a Submissive.

    robert

  7. I hear about this quite a bit from the subs that I've talked to. I've never read one of the emails, but I think it is pitiful to be manipulating the very feelings and tendencies of the subs for finanical gain, Unless that is the agreed upon dynamic between the two ppl.

    Faith

  8. That's horrible! The part that really creeps me out is how well that awful person understands submissive men's insecurities, and then cold-heartedly uses every one of them to make money.

  9. Ferns! I sent that email in confidence you had no right to post it!

    yours in litigation
    Coug

    P.S.
    joke for the folks who didn't get it

  10. This is business to these 'women'… which often, from what I have heard also refuse to voice or cam with men. So really the scam could be going much deeper. It gives domination a bad name. Financial domination works for some, to each their own I guess. Being used is being used. But far too many of my submissive friends have had this happen to them. It's very discouraging for anyone genuinely looking.

    Brids, I would like to add… You find the right woman, you will call her Goddess because YOU believe it. I laughed at it myself once, as I do most self proclaimed titles… but I admit once my beast called me Goddess on his own accord, it grew on me swiftly! meow!

    “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.”
    Margaret Thatcher

  11. I've always considered this sort of scam to be especially heinous. It very strongly reminds me of juvenile bullying and 'give me your lunch money or we can't be friends.'

  12. Haha i get these all the time, the funny ones are those you get from a bank “your account has been suspended” and you dont even have a bank account from that company. They will chance their luck with anything these people…

  13. Brids: “So did she capitalize “me” for a specific reason or did she mess up on the lack of the capitalization on the other one?”

    I'd hazard a guess that the presentation of this sort of persona capitalises personal pronouns to show uber domliness.

    “Anyway, I probably wouldn't have sent her money either.”

    Good!

    Ferns

  14. robert: “When I was first exploring my subby side I did in fact have an interaction with a Domme who acted similarly and asked for a gift up front. I did reject the invitation to give her a gift but was wracked with doubt and feelings that I was doing it wrong and that this was accepted protocol.”

    Ugh! I can well imagine the inner voice going “Should I/shouldn't I?” and the doubt afterwards that you missed out on something amazing if you didn't. It is ugly.

    “Your posting did ease a feeling I have been carrying for several years (although I did not realize I was carrying it)that I was soehow inadequate as a Submissive.”

    Oh, I am so glad to hear that!! I know that they do play heavily on the 'well you aren't a real submissive then!' schtick. It is so destructive… grrrrrrr!!!!

    Good on you for seeing through it!

    Ferns

  15. Faith: “…I think it is pitiful to be manipulating the very feelings and tendencies of the subs for finanical gain”

    YES! That's it, right? It plays on vulnerabilities and inexperience and exploits them. Ugh!

    Ferns

  16. Stabbity: “That's horrible! The part that really creeps me out is how well that awful person understands submissive men's insecurities, and then cold-heartedly uses every one of them to make money.”

    It is horrible, yes! It is much less distressing if the scammers are stupid and obvious and simple minded. But often, they aren't. They just have to plant enough doubt to get their target over the line.

    Ferns

  17. Coug: “I sent that email in confidence you had no right to post it!”

    *laugh*

    “yours in litigation”

    Bring it, sister! Once I tell the judge that you don't like brie or willies, they will know you are a nutter and throw it out uncontested!

    Ferns

  18. Sweets: “This is business to these 'women'… which often, from what I have heard also refuse to voice or cam with men.”

    You are right to put 'women' in inverted commas. They are mostly not. Many of them are well run organised scams run by men. I can well imagine the incredulous response if one of the submissives asked for a voice call or cam verification ('you aren't a true submissive, you don't get to demand things of me…' etc)

    “Financial domination works for some, to each their own I guess.”

    Agreed. This is a different discussion.

    “It's very discouraging for anyone genuinely looking.”

    It is, yes, very.

    Ferns

  19. OnyxCoquelicot: “It very strongly reminds me of juvenile bullying and 'give me your lunch money or we can't be friends.'”

    That analogy made me chuckle… I'd add to it that the one being bullied is new to the school, doesn't speak the language, has no other friends and really thinks the bully is lovely…

    Ferns

  20. Andrea Toys: “Haha i get these all the time, the funny ones are those you get from a bank “your account has been suspended” and you dont even have a bank account from that company. They will chance their luck with anything these people…”

    True, scammers are everywhere. The difference between the “Your bank account has been suspended” or “I am a Nigerian prince” and these is that those don't exploit your emotional vulnerabilities with the promise of the relationship you have always wanted.

    Both are after your money, but these can be emotionally damaging.

    Ferns

  21. Quick!
    Someone is exploiting the subs! Turn on the Ferns Signal!

    Look, Ferns, someone needs our help!

    Clarence the Bratboy Wonder…

  22. Clarence the Bratboy Wonder: “Look, Ferns, someone needs our help!”

    Holy emptying wallet, Bratboy!!! Quick, to the Fernsmobile!! *~zoinks…pop… splat… whirrr… zap!!!!~*

    Ferns

  23. Findomme is just hiring someone to do your bidding not theirs. Femdomme on the other hand is beautiful. I can always pay someone to do whatever I want and that is just hiring someone as an employee. On the other hand I can have a relationship. In a real relationship people care about each other. There is powerplay but also love but in this society it is all mixed up.

    I will reiterate: I can hire someone to play dominant for me. But the one who pays is the boss; make no mistake. I have no problem with pay for work. If you want to be paid then you do what I tell you. If you want a relationship then we are equals. Get it?

  24. Unfortunately, this has happened to me twice in succession, so much to the point that I’m honestly a fair bit embittered by it. I want to experience the absolute most of the BDSM lifestyle, but the fact that I’m new to the scene is particularly frustrating. This latest one wanted $300 on Amazon Gift cards, but even I can’t justify that kind of expenditure to myself. Honestly, with the shit luck that I’ve had I honestly am considering just giving up entirely because this hits so close to home. Even when I asked if I could treat her to lunch earlier today, she flipped out on me and assumed I was “topping from the bottom.” which, I might’ve been, I’m not sure. To me, it was just an opportunity to get to know this person with whom I would’ve surrendered myself to. But now? I remember why I’ve hardened my heart so damn much.

    My advice to any newbie? If the supposed “domme” wants you to immediately disable any accounts you have after talking, run for the friggin hills because that is a big red flag on the first part. If they demand you spend X amount of dollars on gift cards for iTunes or Amazon cards, again run for the friggin hills! I can’t believe I fell for this crap one right after the other…

    1. I’m sorry you learnt the lesson the hard way, though from the sounds of it, you never handed over any actual money, so that’s good.

      Most run-of-the-mill scammers are super easy to spot once you have a clue (too eager, never anywhere near you, much ‘slave-talk’, probably some hot pics). Just: Don’t give strangers on the internet any money.

      My advice: Get involved in your local community, and in reputable online communities. Talk to F/m folks. Read a lot. Make friends. Once you get the reality solid, you will easily spot a scammer because they don’t behave like normal people (well, and eventually, they are, of course, going to ask for money :P).

      Ferns

      1. I can so relate wilji. I’m new too and this entire thing with chasing my fantasy has begun to feel like nothing but pain and frustration. The cons are always obvious to me. If anyone wants you to send money into the wild blue where you have been given no follow up or means of recourse, it is a con. Maybe sometimes it isn’t, but to me it I immediately smell shit. My problem with being new and trying to be a social animal in this environment is that I have faced so much “polite indifference”. No real connection have I made with a single soul. I thought I did, but that was just me and homemade reality. I’m considering just quitting the attempt and going back my vanilla lie. At least there is some comfort there.

        1. “The cons are always obvious to me”

          That’s good. And yes, most are ham-fisted and easily identified.

          I get that men are not used to having to wade through rubbish people trying to take advantage in their dating lives, but women have pretty much done it their entire lives (replace ‘just wants money’ with ‘just wants sex’ and you get the picture) and part of it is a matter of learning and experience. So while ‘imma give up’ is perfectly valid choice, it’s helpful to look at what you are doing and how you are going about it to improve your experience.

          I get a LOT of questions related to this, so wrote a book that has practical advice for newbies: ‘How to find a dominant woman’.

          Ferns

  25. I wonder what the response would be, if, early on, the submissive male asked the woman about her fee.

    I would expect that a legitimate pro-domme would give a straight forward reply. That is, state what the fee will be for specific services rendered.

    Not sure how a scammer would respond, but I expect that she wouldn’t respond the same way as a legitimate pro.

    (BTW, how would a lifestyle domme respond to such a question?)

    1. An ethical findom or pro-domme will state clearly how they work with subs, what it will cost, what they expect etc. Many of the legit one have very clearly laid out websites with all the information you could ever want about how they run their business.

      A scammer would most likely get very angry ‘how DARE you, I’m trying to create a relationship, I thought we had something special’ etc etc until the submissive abjectly apologised.

      I get asked that often, and I tell them F/m is my relationship style, that I don’t provide paid services. 99% of the time, those men ARE after paid services and have just assumed that all dommes are sex workers, therefore I am also a sex worker, which is a whole OTHER issue.

      Ferns

  26. I so wish I had seen this before being foolish enough to get myself duped by an online goddess. My story is so similar to some of those mentioned here. Met on an app, told to get off the app, send pics, buy a gift card. I just want out and my gut feeling is to just delete my account from the platform we were conversing on and get over it. What do you think?

    1. Yes, delete it.

      Don’t give strangers who promise you a relationship any money ever.

      Ethical pro-dommes or findoms will be up-front and clear about any monetary arrangements.

      Scammers will pretend to want a relationship, and then ask for money/gift cards/purchases and etc to progress it/prove sincerity etc.

      I’m sorry you got taken in.

      Ferns

  27. I too think I am being scammed. I met a domme on AFF, she told me to delete account, download kik and give her money. Shared some pics, which are probably on the Interenet now. I don’t really care about that. My first alert should have been my Amazon account being attacked after I bought “her” a tribute gift card from Amazon. (It was a Sephora gift card). Then, I stupidly bought one at work and let her use the card and scratched it off in the back. I kept denying the so called “session” that hasn’t taken place yet.

    I am new and although I know some dommes do want money, I have had a feeling “she” is a scam. She did give me pictures, and said she was going to invite me to a facebook and or instagram group which she never has. She was going to send me a slave paper, which she never did. I see the red flags, but after being scammed once with a more vanilla date, and online dating just not working for me. I don’t know what to do.

    I also tried to use both the name she used on the kik account and the name on the email to send the online giftcard that didn’t match. I assumed they were pseudonyms, but tried to do research. If they were legit, I thought I would find something online. This all has led me to a scam and after reading this seeing more poeple have been scammed like me. I think I need to delete the kik account.

    I don’t have any local BDSM communities, and I don’t want to go to another BDSM related dating sight as I am afraid it might happen again. But, I want to join the lifestyle.

    1. Yes, it’s a scam.

      One thing a lot of scammers often do immediately is ‘delete your account here on this platform and contact me on yahoo email/kik/some other way’. I assume it’s because some platforms police this kind of behaviour and would stop it (or maybe they just want to prevent you meeting someone else).

      Don’t send anyone any money.

      Not sure how you’ve determined that you don’t have any local BDSM communities: Have you looked on Fetlife?

      I’m really not sure what you are after, but since none of that included ‘we were going to meet’, I assume some kind of online thing?

      If so, go to reddit and have a trawl around for discord servers where they clearly say ‘no findoms’ and where they do vetting. Some of them WILL be dodgy (it’s the internet), but you at least get to see the history of those who post about them and see if they seem like good people, have been around for a long time, interact with others in sensible ways etc.

      Ferns

  28. Ferns,
    Thank you so much for this valuable, needed information. Some of it sounds familiar. Let me tell you about my two experiences, one over and done with, and the other I’m still involved in.

    I did meet someone on AdultFriendFinder claiming to be a non-pro dom, who asked me to delete my account. (red flag) I did. Emailed with that person a while. It started smelling fishy in a variety of ways, so I quit communicating with said person.

    I later found someone on subcuckold.com with whom I’m still communicating. I’ll use the pronouns she/her here not knowing for sure the person’s actual gender. She did not ask that I cancel my subcuckold.com account, but did ask to communicate through hangouts instead (red flag). She seems to want to communicate through texting rather than any phone calls (red flag). One day I gave her a deadline to either call me by such and such a time, or I would end efforts with her. She did not call by the deadline, but I did receive a call from her a couple hours past the deadline. I did not answer it. A couple of weeks later, I decided to give her another chance, so contacted her again through Hangouts texting. She is saying that there will be four training sessions prior to actually meeting and I am to pay $200 at the end of the training sessions (red flag). Then I would have to buy ‘toys’ (red flag). Haven’t yet gotten to what that would cost. Actual dom/sub sessions would then be held at no charge. She says that I have to sign a ‘form’. I asked her what would be on the form. She sent a photo of it. It asked for name, age (red flag), marital status (red flag), home address (red flag), and duration of our serving duration. Of course this generates a lot of questions in my mind. Communications is slow and difficult through texting, making it difficult to ask all the questions I which the erratic communications generates (red flag). It seems every answer I get from her generates more questions in my mind. I haven’t presented them all here in order to keep this short.

    I suppose this is all some sort of scam, but would like to get your take on it. The one thing that seems possibly contrary to a scam is that she’s not asking for that much money ($200) and not until ‘training’ ends. Is paid-for ‘training’ typical? She did claim sessions after training would be at no charge. But who knows how true that is? I would like your view of how legitimate this second opportunity is. My view is that it is probably a scam. I will end it soon, unless you suggest otherwise.

    And, yes, I’ve just download the Kindle version of your book, but haven’t yet had the chance to read it.

    Thank you again so much for your help. (I didn’t know that a dominatrix could, at the same time, be an angel!)
    Rlalen

  29. Ferns,
    Thank you for this valuable information. Some of it sounds familiar. I did meet someone on AdultFriendFinder claiming to be a non-pro dom, who asked me to delete my account. (red flag) I did. Emailed with that person a while. It started smelling fishy in a variety of ways, so I quit communicating with said person.

    I later found someone on subcuckold.com with whom I’m still communicating. I’ll use the pronouns she/her here not knowing for sure the person’s actual gender. She did not ask that I cancel my subcuckold.com account, but did ask to communicate through hangouts instead (red flag). She seems to want to communicate through texting rather than any phone calls (red flag). One day I gave her a deadline to either call me by such and such a time, or I would end efforts with her. She did not call by the deadline, but I did receive a call from her a couple hours past the deadline. I did not answer it. A couple of weeks later, I decided to give her another chance, so contacted her again through Hangouts texting. She is saying that there will be four training sessions prior to actually meeting and I am to pay $200 at the end of the training sessions (red flag). Then I would have to buy ‘toys’ (red flag). Haven’t yet gotten to what that would cost. Actual dom/sub sessions would then be held at no charge. She says that I have to sign a ‘form’. I asked her what would be on the form. She sent a photo of it. It asked for name, age (red flag), marital status (red flag), home address (red flag), and duration of our serving duration. Of course this generates a lot of questions in my mind. Communications is slow and difficult through texting, making it difficult to ask all the questions I which the erratic communications generates (red flag). It seems every answer I get from her generates more questions in my mind. I haven’t presented them all here in order to keep this short.

    I suppose this is all some sort of scam, but would like to get your take on it. The one thing that seems possibly contrary to a scam is that she’s not asking for that much money ($200) and not until ‘training’ ends. Is paid-for ‘training’ typical? She did claim sessions after training would be at no charge. But who knows how true that is? And, yes, I’ve just download the Kindle version of your book, but haven’t yet had the chance to read it.

    Thank you for your support. (I didn’t know that a dominatrix could, at the same time, be an angel!)
    Rlalenska

    1. This is 100% a scam.

      I know that hope is eternal, but you see the red flags for yourself.

      They are starting for ‘not that much money’ to see if they can hook you in. After that there will be more money and more while dangling the promise of a relationship/meeting/session in front of you. It’s never going to happen.

      On the upside, even through your hope is making you hang on, you are identifying the red flags. Trust your instincts: They are right.

      Ferns

  30. Rialenska, I noticed that you posted “(red flag)”. multiple times. If there are multiple warnings that something isn’t quite right, I would heed them.

    If there are multiple warnings that something isn’t quite right, I would heed them.

  31. Ferns,
    Thank you for the personal response. Well, yesterday I ended the second option I had mentioned above. While there were the multiple red flags that I had identified in my earlier post, I simply wrote to ‘her’ that I before I were to start a serious relationship with someone, I had to both develop trust and respect for them. And I couldn’t do it if that person refused to speak with me on the phone. I didn’t see much point in blatantly saying, “I think you’re a scam.”, even though that may have been the right thing to do. As best I could tell, it wasn’t even a female – just a male trying to scam me. And that’s why ‘she’ wouldn’t get on the phone with me.

    Once again, thank you for all of your assistance.
    Rlalenska

  32. Hello Ferns, Thanks for being here… I would wish to know just what, or where to seek a Goddess who sincerely wishes to pursue a deeply abiding being together LTR… over the past 3+ years i have “met” on line 50 or more “women” who claimed goddesshood, and that they sought a LTR with me, with whom i chose to take our conversation beyond the site where we “met”… taking our conversation to e-mail, g-mail chat and/or tele text… the half life of these relationships has been under a week, although several have actually lasted for several months… many have quickly demanded specifically tribute, or gift cards, then there have been those who suddenly needed meds, or help buying school books, or rent, or… then of course the toy/kit for “our” first meeting stories… big time training fees, there are the “registered” Dommes who can only take me after i become a registered slave (registration fee required), one woman said she would come live with me, and since i am building a dungeon in my art studio, she would send money to my account and then, since she has connections and can get things at a much lower cost, so she would need to be on the account, a couple others wanted banking info for various reasons, recently a woman was going to “help me” with my transition and put a full court press on me for personal info, wanted me to send pictures of my ID, name change court documents, and other info… and got very angry when i didn’t automatically capitulate… then most recently, and this is what got me on line seeking info, which brought me to this site and a story precisely like what i was getting, about goddess wanting our first meeting to be in a commercial dungeon because it is well stocked with toys and a good place to start my training… and of course i was asked to go to a specific site, arrange a reservation, and the site indicates a $400 fee for the one room and i am guessing quite a bit more for the “dungeon”… those are the ones that come to mind just now… but what is clear is that there are many unscrupulous individuals on-line who have no problem leveraging submissives, especially but certainly not exclusively sub guys and sub trans girls, using their desires, passion, need or even desperation for a human to human connection with a bdsm basis to exploit for their financial gain, posing as someone/something they aren’t, and really just cons, scammers and bottom line, false goddesses- so, being zero for fifty something regarding actually meeting face to face, let alone forming an awesome LTR, what must a little artist/poetess Fauve girl do, where can she look, (Esp. w/ Covid decimating any sort of local meeting via munches, bdsm learning groups, etc..) to improve her chances of finding her one true Goddess???

    1. There are indeed many unscrupulous people out there.

      I’m not sure where you’re finding these people, but the truth is that your ability to filter out the scammers is perhaps more important than the site. Scammers are on Every Single Site and the starting measure is: If they seem to good to be true, they probably are.

      If you want to meet actual-for-real people in your area, Fetlife is still a good place even if you can’t meet right now. You can still join local groups, some are doing online socialising, you can verify that they have a local presence, that they have local friends, that people know them etc.

      Ferns

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