So, you (submissive male ‘you’) have emailed with someone for a while, she seems perfect, she ‘gets’ you, you have a lot in common, she likes your kinks, she thinks you are special. Then she asks for money. You go ‘hang on!’ and you baulk.
Then she sends something like this (actual email below). It is designed to hit every insecurity and doubt button you may have.
I am disappointed that you seem to want to fail so early and ruin everything but this is why I set this test. There are literally thousands of so called submissives who promise to do anything but really are just selfish and are only interested in themselves. This test is basically full proof in that respect as someone would never send a cash gift if they are a selfish person or disingenuous. Most just want to be submissive in their fantasy dreams and come out with unoriginal excuses trying to explain how wrong it would be to send a gift thinking they are being clever. Not realising of course that they have immediately stereotyped themselves, no woman wants a man who spends time thinking up ways to be selfish.
If what I have described in previous e mails is what you truly seek then you will not hesitate and understand why I have asked it. It is a significant show of trust and in terms of a long term relationship is nothing. Those looking for a quick masturbate would never send anything. If you refuse to obey then it is self explanatory no matter what you think, I have had far too much experience with fantasists and also real submissive men who are genuine so know the difference. If all you want to do is be submissive on your own terms and conditions then no Dominatrix will be interested in you.
I had thought we were getting a connection. The choice is send a gift through alertpay which is like paypal or goodbye. If you dont do as ordered then there is no need for any further emails as we will never meet. I will look elsewhere, so good luck in your life. Think carefully if you decline though as the opportunity will not be repeated by Me, dont miss it through being obstinate and its hardly like Im asking you to chop your arm off.
Do not judge me by standards of others either, you must move in strange circles!!
It is not as simple as ‘Hello, send me money’, the sting comes after there has been promising conversations, after there is some emotional investment and when there some hope.
Ethical lifestylers, pro-dommes, or findoms do not do this. It’s a scam.
Don’t give strangers on the internet any money.
Edited to add: Other common scams involve asking for hundreds of dollars to buy a BDSM ‘training kit’ or toys, paying for a first play date in a dungeon hotel (there is a professional-looking website with addresses and photos of these imaginary hotels all over the world: They do not exist), paying to have a contract drawn up, paying to show sincerity, signing up to some for-pay website, or bailing the ‘dominant’ out of some tricky situation she’s gotten into (stolen passport etc).
Summary of VERY common things scammers try, from the thread:
- Overly keen about you, persistent, with a desire to ‘claim’ you very quickly. Things like ‘you’re my slave now’ after some minimal online back-and-forth
- Immediately start doing some kind of online play or hot little D/s protocols with you to hook you in
- Tell you to send sexy pictures, hot videos, any identifiable information straight up (they’re setting you up for blackmail)
- Discourage you from asking any questions or expressing any doubts about their authenticity: “That’s not submissive behaviour!” / “Who’s the domme here?” / “How dare you question me?!” etc
- Getting you to move off the site pretty much immediately (kik etc) & delete your profile: This makes it easier for them to manage multiple marks at one time
- Tell you to join this for-pay site or any site that takes your CC details, usually with the promise you won’t be charged (which maybe you won’t, but they have your CC details now)
- Say tribute is expected by ALL dominants, this is how it works, “It’s just this one time”
- Say ‘send tribute (money, gift card, somethin’) to show your sincerity, “It’s just this one time” (again)
- Tell you to buy some ‘training kit/starter kit/toy set’ that she will use on you when you meet, then either point you to a non-legit supplier, or tell you to send them the money to them to buy it for you
- Tell you to send money to draw up/review/file a BDSM contract
- Be keen to visit (“I will fly to you! We can get a hotel!” etc) to sell their legitimacy, but they will cancel repeatedly because reasons (see next point)
- As above with the reason often being a sob story that requires money to fix: “I’m coming to visit like we arranged, but have an emergency that is preventing me, send money so I can ‘fix my car/pay my bill/buy gas/get a new passport/etc’ to get there”
- Tell you to book a BDSM hotel/dungeon for your first meeting, sending a website URL with dungeon/hotels worldwide that may look real (it’s not, those BDSM hotel/s do not exist)
- Tell you “Buy something for me, I will send you the money”. They will send the money on a platform where they can take back the payment after you’ve bought them the thing (eg paypal))
- If you baulk at payment, they will often shame you about your so-called submission (“If you were a real submissive” / “You’ll never find anyone with this behaviour”…etc), guilt you with emotional blackmail (“I thought we had something special” / “I thought you weren’t like the rest” / “Don’t you want this?”*), or get angry/abusive