Morning routine

I have a morning routine that I stumble through every day while my brain is hardly even awake. It doesn’t vary unless there is an external reason for it. My extreme love of this habit is slightly disconcerting because comfort in routine seems like it could become quite obsessive.

  • I wake up, and take stock. Half asleep still. “Can I sleep more?” “Is anything sore?” “Am I *really* awake?”
  • If the answer to the first is “no”, I masturbate. It is not the sexy lolling about with multiple toys and lots of sexy noise-making that you see in the ‘women
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Loves: 11
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Explaining violence & sex

Emailing with a vanilla friend…

“I still can’t really grasp the connection between violence and sexual excitement.”

Ha! It’s so incredibly complex.

I can try and explain it in a bunch of different ways, but I do think it’s one of those things that you can’t ‘get’ until you ‘get it’. Like how oral sex seems like the grossest thing ever pre-puberty, then you do it and go “Oooohhh… I get it now”. But even if you get it, trying to explain WHY it’s great and a turn on to someone who says “I can’t really grasp why you would … Continue Reading

Loves: 27
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Another chat with me!

My second Masocast interview is live (the first is here)!!

A wonderfully sweet benefactor offered for-real moneys to ask me some very interesting and thoughtful questions, I spill my guts, laugh a lot, and blather more, and the lovely Axe pretends he isn’t just talking to me for the money!

I also do an audio reading of ‘Conflict’ at the end.


Random quotes:

I have a blog where I just go ‘bllarrgghh’…

…the other is to go “Ahh, fuck it…”

How do I know? I just know. I don’t know.

If it was that

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Loves: 14
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On being difficult

In my personal ad, I describe myself as “difficult’ (among other things). This is not a cute way of pretending I am some badass bitch. I’m not.

But boy, am I particular.

And in the context of getting to know someone, there seems to be a very narrow set of things that ‘work’ for me.

There are some things that hit me just right, that make me laugh out loud, that make me do a double take, that intrigue me, that fire me up, that inspire me, that attract my interest. I don’t really know how to explain what … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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My bubble

I wonder sometimes if I will ever be able to live with anyone again.

I have lived with people before of course. In my early post-parental-home life, it was flatmates. I moved in with my first partner when I was about 24. Since then, I’ve preferred to live alone rather than share a home with anyone I wasn’t sleeping with. Barring extraordinary circumstances, I will never again live with anyone who isn’t my partner.

My introversion manifests in part as a pretty extreme need for personal space. When someone is in my home, they don’t even have to be interacting … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Vulnerability as courage

Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.
It’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.

– Brene Brown, Power of Vulnerability (TED talk)

I struggle with making myself vulnerable. It’s no secret.

I’ve talked about it before in different ways: With some depth here, and more recently here.

I feel vulnerable at times, of course, but I show it very selectively, with reluctance, and I don’t like how it feels. It’s hard for me. If you want to see what my vulnerability looks like, well, it looks like … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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On punishment

A reader question:

“In a recent thread on FetLife you mentioned that you use punishment as part of your dynamic, while both recognizing and agreeing with the reasons some do not.

How does punishment work in your relationships? Removal of privileges? Some kind of physical punishment? Something else entirely?”

I did mention that, yes. For the record, my comment is here (requires Fetlife login), and the pertinent paragraph was:

Those who don’t like punishment dynamics generally fall into three camps: The ‘Talk about it!’ camp, the ‘He’s not a child’ camp or the ‘It doesn’t work’ camp. I get a

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Loves: 22
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