For new dominants, there is often an internalised belief that they are ‘being mean’ to their submissives when they play. Especially when the play involves physical or emotional pain. Impact play, CBT, nipple torture, humiliation, degradation…
This is true for many dominants, but it’s especially true for new dominant women who have been socialised their entire lives to ‘be nice’ and who often enter online spaces where they are heavily rewarded by fetishists for ‘being … Continue Reading
This is adapted from my response to a question on Fetlife that I see a lot from submissives who have partners who are new and exploring their dominance:
“How can I help my partner be more dominant?”
These questions always seem to be accompanied by descriptions of what they’ve tried that essentially boil down to ‘I told her how to do (more of) my fetish to me’ and, unsurprisingly, that doesn’t work so well…
In a book club chat with Joshua Tenpenny, the submissive half of the M/m couple who authored Real Service (if you haven’t browsed my non-fiction BDSM booklist yet, go take a look!), he talked about the realities of submission with years of real D/s relationship experience behind him, and I tell you what, discussions with people with that kind of experience is a breath of fresh air.
One of the reasons I write my ‘How To’ Femdom Guides is because we talk a lot about the ‘what’ of BSDM-related things, but it’s very hard to find the ‘yeah but how do I do that’ level of detail in a way that we can use or adapt for ourselves.
There are many many reasons for this, including nuance and complexity and the fear of being ‘one true way’-ish, but what that means is … Continue Reading
If you’ve ever been nervous or scared to go to local educational events, boy do I have a bonanza of goodness for you!
Due to the lockdowns and restrictions, a lot of great BDSM educators and generous community folks have taken their previous ‘local-only’ skills and knowledge online to live webinars that they … Continue Reading