BDSM play doesn’t equal ‘being mean’

For new dominants, there is often an internalised belief that they are ‘being mean’ to their submissives when they play. Especially when the play involves physical or emotional pain. Impact play, CBT, nipple torture, humiliation, degradation…

This is true for many dominants, but it’s especially true for new dominant women who have been socialised their entire lives to ‘be nice’ and who often enter online spaces where they are heavily rewarded by fetishists for ‘being … Continue Reading

Loves: 59
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Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast #116 [Audio]

© 'Ferns Femdom Podcast' by and of Ferns. Music by M.M. Transcript by MFMWKE.

This fantastic femdom podcast Q&A includes the following:

  • Post-punishment rituals
  • Sweetness in my ‘Ask Me‘s! Thank you
  • D/s Kissing 101, an impassioned primer
  • Money is complicating my relationship: Halp!
  • How many ‘great loves’ have you had?
  • Can I maintain my masculinity and be submissive? (spoiler: YES!)
  • And more!

The Domme Chronicles podcast is available on iTunes and Spotify: Subscribe if you want to be sure to get my audio porn delivered straight … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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How can I help my partner be more dominant?

This is adapted from my response to a question on Fetlife that I see a lot from submissives who have partners who are new and exploring their dominance:

“How can I help my partner be more dominant?”

These questions always seem to be accompanied by descriptions of what they’ve tried that essentially boil down to ‘I told her how to do (more of) my fetish to me’ and, unsurprisingly, that doesn’t work so well…

This … Continue Reading

Loves: 27
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PSA: D/s doesn’t magic away normal human behaviour


In a book club chat with Joshua Tenpenny, the submissive half of the M/m couple who authored Real Service (if you haven’t browsed my non-fiction BDSM booklist yet, go take a look!), he talked about the realities of submission with years of real D/s relationship experience behind him, and I tell you what, discussions with people with that kind of experience is a breath of fresh air.

One of the things he said was essentially: … Continue Reading

Loves: 19
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How to negotiate BDSM play

One of the reasons I write my ‘How To’ Femdom Guides is because we talk a lot about the ‘what’ of BSDM-related things, but it’s very hard to find the ‘yeah but how do I do that’ level of detail in a way that we can use or adapt for ourselves.

There are many many reasons for this, including nuance and complexity and the fear of being ‘one true way’-ish, but what that means is … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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PSA: Live, free online BDSM classes!

I forgot to add in the ‘things I’ve been doing‘ list that I’ve been attending some live online BDSM classes.

If you’ve ever been nervous or scared to go to local educational events, boy do I have a bonanza of goodness for you!

Due to the lockdowns and restrictions, a lot of great BDSM educators and generous community folks have taken their previous ‘local-only’ skills and knowledge online to live webinars that they … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast #115 [Audio]

© 'Ferns Femdom Podcast' by and of Ferns. Music by M.M. Transcript by MFMWKE.

This fabulous femdom podcast is full to the brim of more of my pearls of wisdom.

It includes the following:

  • How to raise the topic of D/s with a possibly vanilla date?
  • What’s your favourite impact implement?
  • A domme wonders if being into D/s means she’s destined to be alone
  • A husband and wife have mismatching desires, so now what?
  • Do you think you might have an unrealistic ‘idealised image of a partner’ in mind?
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Loves: 11
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