PSA: D/s doesn’t magic away normal human behaviour


In a book club chat with Joshua Tenpenny, the submissive half of the M/m couple who authored Real Service (if you haven’t browsed my non-fiction BDSM booklist yet, go take a look!), he talked about the realities of submission with years of real D/s relationship experience behind him, and I tell you what, discussions with people with that kind of experience is a breath of fresh air.

One of the things he said was essentially: … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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How to negotiate BDSM play

One of the reasons I write my ‘How To’ Femdom Guides is because we talk a lot about the ‘what’ of BSDM-related things, but it’s very hard to find the ‘yeah but how do I do that’ level of detail in a way that we can use or adapt for ourselves.

There are many many reasons for this, including nuance and complexity and the fear of being ‘one true way’-ish, but what that means is … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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PSA: Live, free online BDSM classes!

I forgot to add in the ‘things I’ve been doing‘ list that I’ve been attending some live online BDSM classes.

If you’ve ever been nervous or scared to go to local educational events, boy do I have a bonanza of goodness for you!

Due to the lockdowns and restrictions, a lot of great BDSM educators and generous community folks have taken their previous ‘local-only’ skills and knowledge online to live webinars that they … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast #115 [Audio]

© 'Ferns Femdom Podcast' by and of Ferns. Music by M.M. Transcript by MFMWKE.

This fabulous femdom podcast is full to the brim of more of my pearls of wisdom.

It includes the following:

  • How to raise the topic of D/s with a possibly vanilla date?
  • What’s your favourite impact implement?
  • A domme wonders if being into D/s means she’s destined to be alone
  • A husband and wife have mismatching desires, so now what?
  • Do you think you might have an unrealistic ‘idealised image of a partner’ in mind?
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Loves: 8
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Pandering (or, what are we telling new dominants?)

Why yes, I DID have a little rant on twitter about how we educate new dominant women about D/s in such a way that we seem to end up with a completely un-nuanced dichotomy: Either you pander to your sub completely, or you’re abusive. With nothing in-between.

Twitter link here (scroll up to see the conversation)

Text in images above:

Also, as like, a sub class of “feeling pressured to be put together” … Continue Reading

Loves: 21
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Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast #114 [Audio]

This stupendous femdom podcast Q&A includes the following:

  • The bits where I answer some questions about my masturbatory habits!
  • Lovely sweetness from some listeners/readers <3
  • Is this a scam? (if you’re asking this question, you already know the answer is ‘yes, yes it is’)
  • Has a submissive ever introduced you to new kinks that you subsequently enjoyed?
  • Should I ‘top from the bottom’ to solve this problem?
  • How do I deal with power struggles in
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Loves: 3
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Advice for submissive men #547

I’ve said this a million times before and will probably repeat it a million more times before I’m dead:

Dominant women who want a D/s relationship aren’t going to be interested in a man just because he’s submissive.

Approaching any relationship-orientated dominant woman with ‘I’m submissive’ as your ‘tah-daaah’ trump card doesn’t carry any weight.

Dominant women are interested in a man because he’s awesome and interesting and funny and smart and compatible with … Continue Reading

Loves: 23
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