No, for real now

The vanilla man bailed.

I’m not really surprised, but I AM disappointed.

He has legitimate reasons that I don’t doubt are true (he expanded a bit on serious family issues that he mentioned earlier), but really: If you’re in the middle of some emotional upheaval, maybe, you know, don’t say ‘yes’ in the first place. I’d guess that he didn’t quite realise the mess he was in until he tried to add something else on top, and then he realised later that he didn’t have emotional/mental energy for it/me.

In taking stock, I’m not invested so it’s no big deal … [...Read More]

Loves: 17
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And that was that… OR WAS IT?!

The vanilla man is not proactively showing interest. I vaguely wonder if that’s a vanilla/submissive divide. But honestly, it doesn’t matter much.

I felt it on the weekend after we didn’t have the date. His communication about possibly not being able to make it was good, so that was fine. But when the get-together was clearly not going to happen (and didn’t happen), we both dropped communication.

While that would have been fine if we had an alternative time lined up, we didn’t have anything else lined up. I hate texting, so don’t do any ‘just because’ chatty exchanges with … [...Read More]

Loves: 19
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Well hello, vanilla man

After a lot of sage advice in my comments and on twitter, I did indeed invite the vanilla man to come and have a drink with me.

Hi vanilla man: If you’re interested in a drink down at [where I live] sometime, let me know. I can offer stellar views: we can compare :).
-Sharyn (the tall blonde, pink sarong, [my dad’s] daughter
(if you don’t remember who I am, let’s both just pretend that you never got this, mmkay? :P

The ‘we can compare’ relates to him giving me a tour of his unfinished house when I was there: … [...Read More]

Loves: 14
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Vanilla man, or no?

I overthink everything. It can get very boring, even to me.

The other day I met a vanilla man who somehow appealed to me. He bought the place next to my dad’s house (over an hour away from me): We had a chat when I visited and I asked for a tour of his as-yet-incomplete house. We had an easy rapport, he was somehow very open with me (he’s recently divorced, talked about his work, was showing off a bit about an article in the newspaper about him). The interaction was nothing special but he’s still on my mind.

A … [...Read More]

Loves: 15
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The new normal

I believe that prolonged exposure to a lot of things can normalise them. Over time, we internalise them as ‘the new normal’, and we just get on with it. The ramifications of this idea are huge in general, but I’m only thinking about it on a tiny scale based on how I’ve been feeling recently.

(And the reason I’m thinking about this is entirely not kink related: Kink?! On a kink blog? DON’T BE RIDICULOUS!)

I used to work in a very stressful job. Other than ridiculous hours, lots of long-haul travel, heavy responsibilities, complicated problems, and huge budgets, it … [...Read More]

Loves: 9
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Lifting out

Creative Commons BY-SA 4.0 mark'Passion fruit' by Paul Munhoven

Hauling myself out of a slump is tricky. If I try too hard, I rail against myself like I somehow want to see me fail. It’s ridiculous, and yet it’s true.

I mentioned that I signed up to this 10 week challenge at my gym which is meant to be all full-on, and it can be, but given I’m a bit broken I’m taking it relatively easy.

What it’s about for me is having an external goal to think about vs just rattling around inside my own head like some demented ferret. And the gym-driven program gives me some system … [...Read More]

Loves: 17
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Some whine? Don’t mind if I do…

I’m in kind of a slump. I’ve been here before, it will pass, but talking about it is better than not talking about it I guess.

Being slumpy makes me not want to do things that I know will help me lift out of the slump because my brain goes ‘But I don’t waaaaaannnt to’ like a three year old. So it’s a self perpetuating slump. A never ending circle of slumpiness. Slumposity (they are so real words!).

Working on my ‘How To’ Femdom Series is helping some. Having a project to work on that I care about is good … [...Read More]

Loves: 15
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