The new normal

I believe that prolonged exposure to a lot of things can normalise them. Over time, we internalise them as ‘the new normal’, and we just get on with it. The ramifications of this idea are huge in general, but I’m only thinking about it on a tiny scale based on how I’ve been feeling recently. (And the reason I’m thinking about this is entirely not kink related: Kink?! […]

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Lifting out

Creative Commons BY-SA 4.0 mark'Passion fruit' by Paul Munhoven

Hauling myself out of a slump is tricky. If I try too hard, I rail against myself like I somehow want to see me fail. It’s ridiculous, and yet it’s true. I mentioned that I signed up to this 10 week challenge at my gym which is meant to be all full-on, and it can be, but given I’m a bit broken I’m taking it relatively easy. What it’s about for me is having an external goal to think about vs just rattling around inside my own head like some demented ferret. […]

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Some whine? Don’t mind if I do…

I’m in kind of a slump. I’ve been here before, it will pass, but talking about it is better than not talking about it I guess. Being slumpy makes me not want to do things that I know will help me lift out of the slump because my brain goes ‘But I don’t waaaaaannnt to’ like a three year old. So it’s a self perpetuating slump. A never ending circle of slumpiness. […]

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Mid morning coffee (or ‘bad date ideas’)

I went on another vanilla date. This is (only) my second off a vanilla dating site. I talked about the first already. In my defence of non-dating, I was caught up with the cougarling soon after that so it was moot. I invited him out without much preamble in line with my ‘immersive dating’ attempts. He had interesting photos, was a half dozen years older than me, sounded ‘fine’ […]

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(non)Adventures in vanilla dating

Despite my best efforts, I have not yet lined up any more dates other than my last. And by ‘best efforts’, I mean ‘I invited men who I thought were even marginally interesting to go out with me’. That number is not high, but it’s more than zero and is a huge departure from my normal process where I won’t meet anyone until I genuinely and absolutely think there is real potential. […]

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Post vanilla date action

Trying to date takes up all of my writerly energy (not even dating, just trying to date). I’m not sure why that is really. It’s not like I’m spending hours a day thinking up witty replies to stellar messages. Most of the emails that land in my inbox are about the same level of lame one liner as I’ve already mentioned in this post. I’m not even bothering to reply to those. I did indeed ask my last vanilla date if he wanted to have a kissing date: “Thanks so much for coming to meet me. […]

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My first vanilla date

His introductory email was thoughtful and articulate. He’d not only read my profile, but he had also looked through my many Q&A responses and his note referenced both. He was 6’2, a little younger than me, no photos. I suggested we meet after a few exchanges. This must be a new record for me. My new strategy: ‘Dating immersion’. I didn’t ask for a photo. To be honest, […]

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