Mid morning coffee (or ‘bad date ideas’)

I went on another vanilla date. This is (only) my second off a vanilla dating site. I talked about the first already.

In my defence of non-dating, I was caught up with the cougarling soon after that so it was moot.

I invited him out without much preamble in line with my ‘immersive dating’ attempts. He had interesting photos, was a half dozen years older than me, sounded ‘fine’ (‘dating immersion’ dictates that ‘fine’ is good enough to try).

So I turned up for a mid morning coffee meeting and quickly realised that attempting this sort of thing without … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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(non)Adventures in vanilla dating

Despite my best efforts, I have not yet lined up any more dates other than my last.

And by ‘best efforts’, I mean ‘I invited men who I thought were even marginally interesting to go out with me’. That number is not high, but it’s more than zero and is a huge departure from my normal process where I won’t meet anyone until I genuinely and absolutely think there is real potential. Dating immersion, yo!

When I suggested a meeting to one, he balked and it turns out that the app I’m using showed me as being closer to … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Post vanilla date action

Trying to date takes up all of my writerly energy (not even dating, just trying to date).

I’m not sure why that is really.

It’s not like I’m spending hours a day thinking up witty replies to stellar messages. Most of the emails that land in my inbox are about the same level of lame one liner as I’ve already mentioned in this post. I’m not even bothering to reply to those.

I did indeed ask my last vanilla date if he wanted to have a kissing date:

“Thanks so much for coming to meet me. Who knew a Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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My first vanilla date

His introductory email was thoughtful and articulate. He’d not only read my profile, but he had also looked through my many Q&A responses and his note referenced both.

He was 6’2, a little younger than me, no photos.

I suggested we meet after a few exchanges. This must be a new record for me. My new strategy: ‘Dating immersion’. I didn’t ask for a photo. To be honest, I forgot.

He was nervous he said (I do love it when they say that out loud, I do), and half an hour before our date he texted that he was going … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Boxes of memories

I have boxes that I move from one place to the next, leaving them unpacked and unused. They contain my journals from the days when my triumphs and failures were written down painstakingly by hand. Endless pads and notebooks lie untouched in there. They also contain photo albums of yore, from the days when you had to take film into the camera shop and have them developed, and photos were expensive and precious.

I was looking for a couple of old photos the other day, unsealed the boxes, the musty smell of disuse wafting out. I flicked quickly through some … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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Vanilla vs D/s interactions

The truth is that I am harsher with men in my vanilla interactions than I am with men in my D/s ones. It’s not conscious really, it’s instinctive, but it’s absolutely true.

With submissive men that I am interested in, I trust that their heart is in the right place, that they are genuinely trying, that any issues will be easily and quietly rectified if I say a word or raise an eyebrow. Because that’s the kind of relationship that we both want. I’m also very aware of not waving my dominance over them like it’s some big stick, hyper-aware … Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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Besties

It must have hurt like hell, but I can’t remember.

My best friend of my teen years. We were inseparable. A set. Always the two of us. Our names running together as if we were one whenever anyone talked about us, invited us anywhere, was looking for us.

“Where’s SharynEnMaria?”
“Are MariaEnSharyn coming?”

She was the funny one: social and likeable. I was the smart one: confident and caustic.

I loved her with an obsessive love that only teenage girls can really understand. Where all day every day still wasn’t enough to share all the things that we wanted to … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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