Vanilla date #1: Incompatible-Awesome

Sooo… 4.5 hour date with Incompatible-Awesome.

We met at a cafe for brunch, I was not expecting much out of it: I liked what I had seen of him online and over text, but when I say ‘incompatible’, I’m not kidding. Pretty much everything he mentioned that he enjoyed on his dating profile was a thing I wasn’t interested in. But despite that, our values matched well, and his profile was smart and funny and excellent.

This meeting grew out of my effusive and complimentary email to him (I had expected he would say ‘thank you’ and that would be that, but he was so thrilled to get loveliness in his inbox that he wanted to meet. Well, also he liked the cut of my jib, I have a fabulous jib…).

Brunch went well, the food was great, the conversation flowed easily and jumped naturally from one topic to another. We’d been sitting there for a couple of hours when I invited him back to mine for a glass of wine.

We took a little detour along a river road that I had never driven down before, stopped at an old bridge to explore, joking about what a perfect murder spot it was :P. He took some photos of me there, he’s a talented photographer. I forgot to ask to see them, to make him delete them. I hate having my photo taken as a rule.

I had not intended to do that, invite him back to my place I mean. The place was not tidied, I did not actually have wine in the fridge… Still we managed, sat on the deck in the afternoon breeze.

I tweeted the following about the date just after he walked out the door.

He just left.
Wide ranging, interesting conversation. He has a sweetness to him, self awareness, empathy
Did I mention he’s 6’4? He’s 6’4.

I asked if I could kiss him. He lit up.
Then stopped me first to explain how aware he is that he can be terrifying because of his size (he’s not)
Shush now.
Exploratory kisses. He has a beard which is not my favourite. It’s soft though.

He is distractingly open, vulnerable.
“I never thought I would get to kiss you, you’re so beautiful” *makes ‘out of my league’ gesture*
I tell him that’s ridiculous, tell him I dubbed him ‘Incompatible-Awesome’.
He hides his face in his hands, delighted

He shifts his chair closer to mine after the kiss, leaning in.
He really doesn’t want to talk any more, just wants to kiss. It makes me laugh.
I bite his tongue for a second, hold it between my teeth. He kind of laughs.
“Are you scared?” I say when I pull back
“I am a bit”

He wants to be closer, but is tentative, doesn’t want to overstep. I like that.
Settles for nestling his face against my neck, a half-hug
I ask him if he’s a cuddler. He says he’s not. Not really.
He clearly is though.

He is touchy, gentle stroking of my arm, my back.
He asks if he can kiss me again. He is shy with it.
Of course.
His ride will be here soon, he laments that if he’d known kissing would be on the table, he’d have started much earlier

We step into the kitchen when his ride gets here. I take off my shoes because I want to feel how tall he is.
6’4. Oh my.
More kissing, I have to reach up to his mouth, it’s so strange. I am not used to it.
A muffled laugh from him when I move his head where I want it, he stops when he realises I’m not kidding & I kiss him how I want.

I feel his cock hardening against me, it feels big, like really big, but I’m never good at telling these things.
I tell him his beard is good for this & grab it to move his head around. He agrees.
His ride is waiting downstairs. He doesn’t care.

I tell him to give me a hug. He does. Then picks me up as if I’m weightless, twirls me around. It makes me laugh.
He is dithering now, just wants to hang around and smooch some more.
I tell him ‘Get out’ and point to the door. He makes a puppy dog face.

“I’d really like to do this again. Any of it. All of it,” he says.
I would too.
Goodbye kisses at the door.

It was a good date. I like him: He is genuine, open, we have shared values, he’s on the right side of every issue we talked about, he’s super sweet, took direction well & good naturedly.
Also 6’4 of beardy bald man with pretty pale blue eyes :).

I’m not going to talk about all the things that are probably going to cause issues, I’ve been told not to overthink it :). I’d be happy to see him again. So we will see.

Date #2 this week is not happening. The Maybe-Submissive did not accept on my invitation to meet up after theoretically being keen. He’d had a think about it and he got scared (he did not say this, but it was clear).

His polite note declining my invite included a bunch of stereotypical assumptions about F/m, and I was not willing to do the work to dispel them. I did recommend he read Uniquely Rika as a reality-based F/m primer because he has some very odd ideas. He’s since come back to ask me for recommendations of online resources so I guess I have given him a push in the right direction… Of course I will just point him to this blog and tell him it’s the best resource on the internet :P.

I really should write a ‘what you think femdom is’ vs ‘what femdom REALLY is’ book.

The Hot Older Man who told me he was overseas got back in touch. He apologised for the delay: After his return, he apparently got the plague, or so he said.

I told him I’d be in his city on the weekend, asked if he wanted to catch up for a drink (look at me, all Datey McDaterson!). He did not immediately come back with the unbridled enthusiasm such an offer should imbue, so I’m thinking there’s a ‘no’ coming from that direction.

I’m wondering now if I’m the one suddenly shoving meeting invites at people too fast, that they’re now the ones who want to take their time or something.

I’m leaving the country this weekend, so I’m polishing up my ‘I’m overseas at the moment’ excuse :P.

Loves: 20
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    1. Thanks :). He’s over an hour away and doesn’t drive, sooooo… yeah. We will see how willing we each are to make another date happen (despite our incompatibilities).


  1. I just got done reading your tweets about ‘Incompatible-Awesome’ and it sounded,… well… AWESOME. So happy to be able to read about it. Thanks for that.

    I would love to be able to use the ‘I’m overseas at the moment’ excuse with a couple of aggravating neighbours who like to pop by without calling first, but they only live a couple of doors down so I don’t think it would fool them for very long. Guess I’ll just stick with the “go away, I’m busy” card

    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      As for your neighbours, you should just yell it out the window “SORRY I’M OVERSEAS AT THE MOMENT!” :P


  2. The awesome date sounds awesome, even if it tails off to just casual friends or goes further, you had fun, you sound like your sparkling, and isn’t that one of the reasons we do this?

    “I’m wondering now if I’m the one suddenly shoving meeting invites at people too fast, that they’re now the ones who want to take their time or something.”

    Doesn’t sound like you are pushing too fast, you’ve seen the difference in reaction from someone that’s genuinely keen to meet YOU vs someone that’s interested in the vague idea of it. If they’ve shown they are interested, you’ve shown you are interested, don’t you want them to move mountains to make it happen? Might as well weed out the ones who are kinda meh, she has a pulse, maybe go see types.

    1. “The awesome date sounds awesome”

      It was good, yes, and I LIKE him. I think this date made me able to articulate a bit more about ‘what it is that sparks me up’. Pro-tip: It’s not on-paper compatibility :).

      It was a ‘yes’ from the Hot Older Man (even if not immediate). I DO want to see enthusiasm, yes, though I also have to face that people use online communication in different ways (especially between generations: he’s not THAT much older, but when it comes to e-comms of various sorts, I suspect it makes a difference).


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