Some whine? Don’t mind if I do…

I’m in kind of a slump. I’ve been here before, it will pass, but talking about it is better than not talking about it I guess.

Being slumpy makes me not want to do things that I know will help me lift out of the slump because my brain goes ‘But I don’t waaaaaannnt to’ like a three year old. So it’s a self perpetuating slump. A never ending circle of slumpiness. Slumposity (they are … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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Mid morning coffee (or ‘bad date ideas’)

I went on another vanilla date. This is (only) my second off a vanilla dating site. I talked about the first already.

In my defence of non-dating, I was caught up with the cougarling soon after that so it was moot.

I invited him out without much preamble in line with my ‘immersive dating’ attempts. He had interesting photos, was a half dozen years older than me, sounded ‘fine’ (‘dating immersion’ dictates that ‘fine’ … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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(non)Adventures in vanilla dating

Despite my best efforts, I have not yet lined up any more dates other than my last.

And by ‘best efforts’, I mean ‘I invited men who I thought were even marginally interesting to go out with me’. That number is not high, but it’s more than zero and is a huge departure from my normal process where I won’t meet anyone until I genuinely and absolutely think there is real potential. Dating immersion, … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Post vanilla date action

Trying to date takes up all of my writerly energy (not even dating, just trying to date).

I’m not sure why that is really.

It’s not like I’m spending hours a day thinking up witty replies to stellar messages. Most of the emails that land in my inbox are about the same level of lame one liner as I’ve already mentioned in this post. I’m not even bothering to reply to those.

I did … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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My first vanilla date

His introductory email was thoughtful and articulate. He’d not only read my profile, but he had also looked through my many Q&A responses and his note referenced both.

He was 6’2, a little younger than me, no photos.

I suggested we meet after a few exchanges. This must be a new record for me. My new strategy: ‘Dating immersion’. I didn’t ask for a photo. To be honest, I forgot.

He was nervous he said … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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Boxes of memories

I have boxes that I move from one place to the next, leaving them unpacked and unused. They contain my journals from the days when my triumphs and failures were written down painstakingly by hand. Endless pads and notebooks lie untouched in there. They also contain photo albums of yore, from the days when you had to take film into the camera shop and have them developed, and photos were expensive and precious.

I was … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Vanilla vs D/s interactions

The truth is that I am harsher with men in my vanilla interactions than I am with men in my D/s ones. It’s not conscious really, it’s instinctive, but it’s absolutely true.

With submissive men that I am interested in, I trust that their heart is in the right place, that they are genuinely trying, that any issues will be easily and quietly rectified if I say a word or raise an eyebrow. Because that’s … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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