“I’m always curious about why people would rather incessantly text than meet. You’ve talked a lot about your energy for socializing and I understand that as a reason. I want to meet as soon as possible bc if there is no spark, I don’t want to waste my 2-3 good lines that come to me every month or so on someone who won’t last past the first date!”
This is absolutely fair (especially about the ‘2-3 good lines’ :P).
I think everyone weighs up ‘return on investment’ with these things.
If meeting someone is a small mental/emotional investment (i.e. those for whom meeting people is ‘yay fun!’ or neutral), it makes sense that you’d want to do that as soon as possible for the reasons you say.
For me, though, meeting is a large mental/emotional investment, so I mostly want to do the small investment (of vetting first (via email, not text, never text)) to assess whether it’s worth my while.
I also don’t feel a connection with most people, so not only is meeting a large investment for me, I loathe doing the inevitable ‘yeah, nah’ thing afterwards, when we had a perfectly nice time (and mostly we will because I’m socially skilled and will do the work, but that’s NOT connection).
The times I’ve moved to a meeting quickly, I’ve sat there going ‘I should NOT have done this’.
By contrast, if I move slowly, the ones who make it to a meeting are already men I’m excited about. Not that that means it will work out (I wish!), but it means I know already that there is ‘something’ there: Not just that they are good people, fun and awesome (though they are), but that I’m not going to be wasting my time sitting across a table making superficial chit chat over which I’d really rather just stay home and stick knitting needles in my eyes.
I have ALSO never been stood up. Ever. And I think that’s due in no small part to the ‘taking it slow’ approach. The ‘quicksters’ will bail on this approach because ‘gimme now or gtfo’, and to them I’m just a picture on a screen: A non-person. No-shows are sooo common. Going slow weeds them out, those who will take the time to engage with me that way are already invested, and think of me as an actual real decent human being (gasp!) and treat me as such.
There’s also something else, something more:
People who are good at communicating in a way I enjoy are skilled with words, are stellar at expressing themselves, can fire lasers into my brain to light me up, and they have an inner life that is full of glory and wonder. The written word gives them a chance to show me that, to get their tendrils around those parts of me that sit up and pay attention, and THAT is not something that is easy to demonstrate in person, and certainly not at a first meeting of strangers. I want to give them a chance to show me that (and to see that in me, if it’s there).
Case in point: My last submissive was shy, a quiet, thoughtful, nervous type. But his written words: Oh my. He threw the beauty of his inner life at me like some waterfall of original intensity, all open and raw and terrifying. Had I met him after a couple of cute exchanges, I would NEVER have seen that. Our meeting would have been awkward and strained and he would have been full of anxiety and fear. I doubt, truly, that I would have seen his potential, and I’d probably have walked away. But by the time we met, I *knew* this about him already, I knew it was there under the surface, so I was already in and ready to fight to make him give me that.
So yeah, this approach of ‘the quick meet’ is very unusual for me, and I don’t think it gives men who might fit with me the best chance of success. But it is easier in a lot of ways, so while I’m momentarily and inexplicably feeling like it’s a low investment (I really have no idea why, but I have to say it’s eye-opening to feel how I imagine non-introverts feel all the time), I’m happy to run with it and see what drops out.