Aaannndd I’m back…

Did you miss me?


I’ve been without my beloved George, or any computer, for just shy of a month, and it has been Very Difficult.

I wasn’t doing anything too much different without George except I wasn’t:

  • writing
  • journalling
  • blogging or responding to comments on my blog
  • chatting with friends
  • googling anything unless I HAD to, no, really for real
  • reading blogs
  • logging my workouts / diet
  • emailing with friends
  • moderating on Fetlife unless it was super simple like
  • adding to my reading / gaming / movies lists
  • doing life and book admin stuff
  • keeping up with news
  • buying anything
  • other Very Important Things!!!


What I missed most was just banging out random thoughts for myself to get them out of my head: When I can’t do that, they bounce around in there, smashing into each other and endlessly going round and round.

How am I supposed to know what I think if I can’t write it down??!!

Of course, I COULD have hand written all pen-and-paper-ey, but it’s not at all the same. Not least because I move thoughts around as I order them, add this self-clarification in the middle there, delete that bit that didn’t quite say what I meant and etc.

My new shiny is faster and lighter and so pretty, and has George’s hard drive in him, which saved me a lot of work (ahh, George, still looking after me :)). My Fabulous Man Who Knows Everything (MFMWKE) was amazing throughout with all the computer-related work from finding, buying, shipping, upgrading, to support with setup and he gifted me more memory (thank you so much!!) :).

I have named my new laptop Thor *rolling thunder noises*.

Thor yelling 'yes!"

And yes, it is 100% because of Chris Hemsworth (I mean, come on!), but not in the way you might think. It’s this scenario where Thor moves in with Darryl… pure gold :D.

Darryl: I have a job…
Thor: Really? *sarcastic tone, mimicks typing* …blerh blerh hitting the machine… with the words that come out of it… ooh this is knowledge, knowledge is power. No it’s not. Knowledge is not power. *flexes bicep* That’s power. The brain is a muscle.  And *flexes bicep and nods towards it* that’s a muscle and *flexes other bicep* that’s a muscle and *points to abs* they’re all muscles, *points generally at all of himself* this is all muscle so I am covered in brains and I’ve more brains than you.

Thor: I’ll just start my own team. Team Thor, of course. And it would be… me. And Darryl. Just us, right D?
Darryl: Yep.

Sarcastic ridiculous beautiful Thor seems perfect even though that makes me Darryl *laugh*.

So other than NOT doing all of the things I’ve listed above, let’s talk about dating (this will be short!).

When the Hot Older Man asked if I’d like to catch up again at the end of our date, I ended up saying yes, and said I’d let him know when I was back from my travels. I did that thing that I shouldn’t do, where I think he’s a good man, we matched on a lot of values, we had things to talk about, we got along well, but there was no *there* there, and I talk myself into ‘giving it a go’ because of his fine qualities.

On the one hand I sometimes think I make decisions too quickly.

On the other, I had absolutely zero desire to kiss him. None. And I didn’t get the feeling that he felt anything either, despite him asking to see me again.

After I got back, I waited a little while (too long, really) to see if I could make myself go through with it, but in the end I decided it was a waste of both of our time, so sent him a text to say ‘no thank you’.

“Hi, just a quick note to say I’m back, but am not really in the right headspace for dating, so I’m going to bow out. You seem lovely & I wish you the best of luck.”

He sent me a polite text back, thanking me and wishing me well.

Mature adults are the best!

As for Incompatible-Awesome, I did not make any promises about contacting him when I got back, nor did he explicitly ask.

I texted him last just before I was going to get on the plane to leave the country, letting him know that if he contacted me for kissing and I didn’t answer, I wasn’t ignoring him. I know, I’m cute :).

At the end of our date he was keen, and open about wanting to ‘do any or all of this! :)’ again, but he’s aware of our incompatibilities and he’s shy, so I expect he will quietly wait for me to make contact if I want to.

In the meantime, I went onto the vanilla dating site to delete my profile (honestly, I’m baffled by that site, I get message notifications and then can’t figure out where the messages are).

BUT while I was there, I saw a cute face and read his smart-funny profile (my kryptonite) and dammit, I sent him a message. I had a look at the rest of his photos and Q&A after I sent the message and ‘meh’. We had a high percentage match which means we answered a lot of Q&A in a complementary fashion, but when I looked more closely, he had answered some D/s-type questions as a dominant, with the added cherry on top that he wrote that for a relationship, a dynamic D/s was unhealthy. If he’s thorough in checking me out, he’s not going to reply. We will see I guess.

Also dating related: I have not been on any BDSM dating sites since forever (Fetlife doesn’t count).

I’m so glad to be back. Hi :).

Loves: 16
Please wait…

You may also like


  1. Sharyn: You write very well, for a girl. (Yes, of course I’m just teasing you!) Just wanted to compliment you on your blog; I get the emails every so often, and thoroughly enjoy following your exploits – good, bad, or otherwise. Keep up the great work! And don’t give up on trying to find a guy compatible enough to stay and make you happy; I’d been on a bunch of ‘dating’ sites for over a year after my wife died (please don’t say “I’m sorry”; it was actually one of the high points of my life), including a couple non-vanilla places, and had just about given up trying to find somebody who fit me. On my last look at FirstMet (before my subscription expired), I found a girl nearly my age, and living 20 minutes away. The match was instantaneous, except . . . she’s 99% vanilla. I did manage to talk her into keeping the keys to my chastity device, but she cringes at the mere thought of nipple clips or anything else as mundane, and can’t understand why I would want to be kept leashed and locked down. Before we met, I’d decided to do nipple rings; she flat-out told me that if I had my nips pierced, she’d leave. So, with everything else so perfect, I just have to be content with enforced chastity. (As luck would have it, she left last Friday for her home in North Carolina; she’ll be there for six months – and she took all the keys except one, and that one is hidden somewhere in this house. If I need it for an emergency, I have to call her to find out where it is). Gonna be a very long six months.

    The whole point being, I guess: Don’t give up, but on the other hand, be ready and willing to concede a little bit and compromise in order to make a really, really good thing work even better! (And please stay true to yourself; the world needs more smart, dominant women such as yourself!)

    1. I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog, and thank you for subscribing :).

      Congratulations on finding your partner with whom ‘everything else’ is perfect: That’s wonderful. I hope the 6 months goes by quickly for you both.

      I will absolutely stay true to myself, and believe me if someone lights me up, I’m willing to see where we can take it (hence the vanilla dating site in the first place).


    1. ‪I know this is a weird place for this but: I used to read and enjoy your blog a while ago and wanted to catch up, but it’s private now ???? is there a way to get on your good side? I‘d live to catch up on your journey. Ferns might vouch for me, I‘ve been a reader of hers for like a decade? And I‘ve always behaved. ;)

  2. WELCOME BACK!!! And, Thor? Great name for a laptop. May you both have a long and happy relationship. You know, there’s nothing like a bright, shiny new laptop to enhance the banging out of random thoughts so they can be released into the wild. Best of all, you can get back to doing “other Very Important Things!!!” because they’re… well… IMPORTANT.

    I just pulled the hard drive and memory from my dead laptop and it became a parrot toy. When he gets bored with it in a day or so, I’ll chuck it into the dumpster with the rest of the trash.

    1. Thank you! :)

      The bright and shinies are always exciting!

      The main issue with anthropomorphising my tech is that I do actually get quite attached, they are with me for years, have personalities and quirks, and the idea of ‘throwing George into the trash’ is unthinkable!


        1. It is a magic box into which you can put many requests and if you do it just right, chocolates will arrive in your mailbox. It is truly marvelous!!


        2. I think mine is broken, I typed in “give me chocolates” and still none

    1. He was so sweet, and I am still thinking about it (this vs drifting off with the corresponding waning interest, so a good sign I guess).

      I’m over-peopled (and have my sister staying with me right now), so it’s hard to work up the enthusiasm for the idea until I get some time to myself to regroup.


  3. Have you painted it pink and put stickers of flowers and ponies on it yet, Miss Ferns? And don’t forget the glitter! :)

    1. Your aesthetic is not *quite* my aesthetic, but you go with your pinkness, flowers, ponies and all the glitter your little heart desires: I am fully supportive of you bedazzling all the things :)).


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *