Aaannndd I’m back…

Did you miss me?

YOU HAVE TO SAY YES!!

I’ve been without my beloved George, or any computer, for just shy of a month, and it has been Very Difficult.

I wasn’t doing anything too much different without George except I wasn’t:

• writing
• journalling
• blogging or responding to comments on my blog
• chatting with friends
• googling anything unless I HAD to, no, really for real
• reading blogs
• logging my workouts / diet
• emailing with friends
• moderating on Fetlife unless it was super simple like
• adding to my reading / gaming / movies lists
• doing life and book admin stuff
• keeping up with news
• buying anything
• other Very Important Things!!!

Arrggghh!

What I missed most was just banging out random thoughts for myself to get them out of my head: When I can’t do that, they bounce around in there, smashing into each other and endlessly going round and round.

How am I supposed to know what I think if I can’t write it down??!!

Of course, I COULD have hand written all pen-and-paper-ey, but it’s not at all the same. Not least because I move thoughts around as I order them, add this self-clarification in the middle there, delete that bit that didn’t quite say what I meant and etc.

My new shiny is faster and lighter and so pretty, and has George’s hard drive in him, which saved me a lot of work (ahh, George, still looking after me :)). My Fabulous Man Who Knows Everything (MFMWKE) was amazing throughout with all the computer-related work from finding, buying, shipping, upgrading, to support with setup and he gifted me more memory (thank you so much!!) :).

I have named my new laptop Thor *rolling thunder noises*.

And yes, it is 100% because of Chris Hemsworth (I mean, come on!), but not in the way you might think. It’s this scenario where Thor moves in with Darryl… pure gold :D.

Darryl: I have a job…
Thor: Really? *sarcastic tone, mimicks typing* …blerh blerh hitting the machine… with the words that come out of it… ooh this is knowledge, knowledge is power. No it’s not. Knowledge is not power. *flexes bicep* That’s power. The brain is a muscle.  And *flexes bicep and nods towards it* that’s a muscle and *flexes other bicep* that’s a muscle and *points to abs* they’re all muscles, *points generally at all of himself* this is all muscle so I am covered in brains and I’ve more brains than you.
…
Thor: I’ll just start my own team. Team Thor, of course. And it would be… me. And Darryl. Just us, right D?
Darryl: Yep.

Sarcastic ridiculous beautiful Thor seems perfect even though that makes me Darryl *laugh*.

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So other than NOT doing all of the things I’ve listed above, let’s talk about dating (this will be short!).

When the Hot Older Man asked if I’d like to catch up again at the end of our date, I ended up saying yes, and said I’d let him know when I was back from my travels. I did that thing that I shouldn’t do, where I think he’s a good man, we matched on a lot of values, we had things to talk about, we got along well, but there was no *there* there, and I talk myself into ‘giving it a go’ because of his fine qualities.

On the one hand I sometimes think I make decisions too quickly.

On the other, I had absolutely zero desire to kiss him. None. And I didn’t get the feeling that he felt anything either, despite him asking to see me again.

After I got back, I waited a little while (too long, really) to see if I could make myself go through with it, but in the end I decided it was a waste of both of our time, so sent him a text to say ‘no thank you’.

“Hi, just a quick note to say I’m back, but am not really in the right headspace for dating, so I’m going to bow out. You seem lovely & I wish you the best of luck.”

He sent me a polite text back, thanking me and wishing me well.

Mature adults are the best!

As for Incompatible-Awesome, I did not make any promises about contacting him when I got back, nor did he explicitly ask.

I texted him last just before I was going to get on the plane to leave the country, letting him know that if he contacted me for kissing and I didn’t answer, I wasn’t ignoring him. I know, I’m cute :).

At the end of our date he was keen, and open about wanting to ‘do any or all of this! :)’ again, but he’s aware of our incompatibilities and he’s shy, so I expect he will quietly wait for me to make contact if I want to.

In the meantime, I went onto the vanilla dating site to delete my profile (honestly, I’m baffled by that site, I get message notifications and then can’t figure out where the messages are).

BUT while I was there, I saw a cute face and read his smart-funny profile (my kryptonite) and dammit, I sent him a message. I had a look at the rest of his photos and Q&A after I sent the message and ‘meh’. We had a high percentage match which means we answered a lot of Q&A in a complementary fashion, but when I looked more closely, he had answered some D/s-type questions as a dominant, with the added cherry on top that he wrote that for a relationship, a dynamic D/s was unhealthy. If he’s thorough in checking me out, he’s not going to reply. We will see I guess.

Also dating related: I have not been on any BDSM dating sites since forever (Fetlife doesn’t count).

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I’m so glad to be back. Hi :).