Non-monogamy and me

Peroxide over at Submissive in Seattle wrote an introspective post about polyamory for the mono-amorous where he talks about what it was like to be in a poly relationship when he’s mono-amorous. Short version: it’s tough. Long version: go read it.

I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while.

Partly because my First now identifies as non-monogamous so it’s come a little closer to home. There are multiple reasons why he’s ‘complicated’, that catch-all euphemism that can mean anything, but the term covers the overall state of him well. … [...Read More]

Loves: 11
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Weekend with my First

We met at my gym. Me waiting impatiently. My First driving in from the airport.

We were both smiling as he walked in, a big hug hello, a kiss on the lips (did I go for the cheek? I can’t remember, but already I felt how soft his mouth was, how his touch lingered just a microsecond too long). A quick visual familiarisation, a reconciliation of ancient memory with the man in front of me.

He looked good. Unsurprising. We had exchanged a few pictures, but I had also stalked his Facebook where there were plenty of photos of him: … [...Read More]

Loves: 14
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Goodnight kiss

“It’s late,” I said. An obvious ‘end of the evening’ type fact: It was 1am.

He nodded agreement, got up from the couch.

We wandered over to the door. I smiled, thanked him for the wonderful dinner.

I stood a little taller than him in my heels. We were essentially eye-to-eye, standing a little too close. A slight hesitance, both leaning in for a kiss.

It was a quizzical kind of kiss. A question mark. Very sweet, whispering of curiosity. My fingers went automatically around the front of his throat, holding him there.

Soft, his lips. So soft.

Lingering tender … [...Read More]

Loves: 16
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Weekend with my First, by my First

My First just left a comment about our weekend on my last post about it.

Since a) I know how much I love it when I get to hear both sides of a story and b) it’s so lovely and c) I haven’t written anything about it (yet), I’m posting his comment here.

A glimpse, as fascinating to me as to anyone else.

___

There may be some people wondering how this weekend turned out. Ferns will most likely write a blog post summarizing her perspective on events.

For me… I’m struggling to express the profound impact that she … [...Read More]

Loves: 8
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Putting the past to bed

My First arrives today.

This morning he said he got up to this song. Unbeknownst to me, it’s one that he has associated with me for a long long time.

The first time I heard that song was when my last submissive sent it to me. Similarly (and in a weird coincidence), he also saw me, and us, in it.

The difference:

  • For my last, it was a song about passion, kink, power, love.
  • For my First, it’s a song about an unhealthy relationship, obsession, hurt, badness.

They are both right, of course.

I said I had no expectations of … [...Read More]

Loves: 6
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A date with my First

Next weekend my First is flying in to spend the weekend.

He’s arriving on Saturday morning, staying nearby overnight, and heading off Sunday. He’s hired a car, so there’ll be no picking him up at the airport in fabulous heels and doing that squinty-confused face where I’m terrified I won’t recognise him.

In fact, we’re meeting at my gym (not kidding!). He’s a gym-head from way back (his body reflects this… phew!) and I asked him to put together a new program for me since I’m stagnating with what I’m doing now.

So we’ll reintroduce ourselves with him walking me … [...Read More]

Loves: 9
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If I knew then… (alt: on being a bitch)

Hi Ferns.

I have been spellbound by your relationship with your first. One because you have talked about it so b’fully and secondly because despite being deeply submissive I can be the the kind of person who would not give his mistress the shirt he was about to throw away.

Having aspergers I have considerable difficulty understanding people’s intentions and having been emotionally manipulated and bullied as a child I can be quite suspicious. I am also at that age when I can tell when something is wrong but not the experience or understanding to do something about it. So … [...Read More]

Loves: 16
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