Putting the past to bed

My First arrives today.

This morning he said he got up to this song. Unbeknownst to me, it’s one that he has associated with me for a long long time.

The first time I heard that song was when my last submissive sent it to me. Similarly (and in a weird coincidence), he also saw me, and us, in it.

The difference:

  • For my last, it was a song about passion, kink, power, love.
  • For my First, it’s a song about an unhealthy relationship, obsession, hurt, badness.

They are both right, of course.

I said I had no expectations of this weekend with my First. But that’s not true of course.

I expect that we will settle the unknowns, put the past to bed, and see if there is something worth nurturing into the future. What that might look like I don’t know, but if we settle our history with kind sweetness, I will be more than happy with just that.

I’m excited to see him. I think it will be so strange and a bit awkward at first, though I guess meeting at the gym gives us something to ‘do’ while getting used to being around each other. I imagine we will be feeling each other out to figure out how we relate now. That interesting thing of ‘strangers-but-not’.

I’m really looking forward to it.

Loves: 9
Please wait…

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  1. The meaning of that song has now transformed for me. It’s one that makes me smile, raises my energy, yet always reminds me of you.

    The obsession, hurt and badness have been left behind in the dust.

  2. Love that song for the passion, kink, power, love!

    I hope the rendezvous works as well as you are hoping for.


  3. There may be some people wondering how this weekend turned out. Ferns will most likely write a blog post summarizing her perspective on events.

    For me… I’m struggling to express the profound impact that she has had. Intense, beautiful, confronting, passionate, challenging… and so many more thoughts.

    I’ve lost a lot of sleep since, my mental processes in overload. Coming out of a long term vanilla relationship, our reunion was exactly what I needed to remind me of who I was and am. And to wake me the fuck up from a long slumber.

    To the Sex Voiced Texan who elected not to pursue something with Ferns: I understand the fear you may have had, and your decision in not following through in meeting her. But you will never understand just what an amazing opportunity you denied yourself.

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