In a comment on my last post, Aethel said this about her current relationship:
“I really want to strangle his old doms whenever I think of them. I have had to undo the fears, almost expectations, of abuse that previous partners left behind”
Yeep. That sounds terrible, and I’m really glad that he has you to create that safe space for him.
I actually expect (though I haven’t asked) that my First’s partners after me had to deal with a lot of that same thing. Because of his misunderstanding and the terrible hurt and mistrust it caused, I have … Continue Reading
My First and I have been gently exploring our past relationship, and in doing so we have been exposing the fact that we never really understood each other. And when I say ‘never really understood’, I mean ‘had wildly different experiences in the same relationship’.
There was the ‘big misunderstanding‘ that underscored a lot of it, but it’s clear in hindsight that we didn’t have the vocabulary or the communication skills to navigate the complexities of our relationship.
If you are interested in some glimpses of how I saw my First in the time we were together, both of the posts below are about him.
I wrote a blog at the time (before blogs were a thing, hand coded in HTML), and kept a journal: both of these writings were based on descriptions I wrote back then, so they are true to my perspective at the time. There might be some others about him floating around, but these came quickly and easily to mind as pivotal moments with him.
And that’s limiting enough because most people who I write about know my blog, probably read it (or could), and there is a ton of stuff in my head that might be surprising or hurtful, and which I … Continue Reading
So the question for you all is – how do you communicate best? Within the dynamic or by stepping outside of it?
I see some form of this question come up from time to time and I suspect I normally give some answer without giving it a lot of real thought. This time I’m not really even answering the question at all. Ha!