“Only submissive to someone special…”

There are a large number of newbie submissive men who seem to think they are the odd one out if they don’t just submit to everyone.

Usually those observations have this hideously aggravating flavour of special snowflakedness. They display a stereotypical view that has obviously come from a lack of experience or exposure to real life D/sers, and that has much to do with online silliness and I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT (you KNOW I want to blame porn, but this isn’t even about the sexytimes part).

Their view is usually stated something like this:

‘Oh, I’m not like all

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Loves: 16
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Reader Q&A: Genderfluidity, LDR to live-in & attraction

Q&A time!

These questions came in from some lovely readers via my Ask Me page. I do love that you ask me things, thank you for them!

In case you sent one in and don’t see it here, no this is NOT all of them… the post got really long, so I saved some for later.

So let’s goooo…


Dear Ferns,

I recently came across your first book while researching for a speech I’m giving on BDSM; though it ended up being a bit too *ahem* in-depth for the speech, on note, I thoroughly enjoyed it! (Enough that I’m … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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Reader Q&A: Vanilla, young lovelies, cookies

These questions landed in my inbox via my ‘Ask me’ page… Thank you for them!

Dear Ferns,

This is a bit difficult to word so bare with me please (:

I have denied my Top side for a very long time.

When I was single I could be quite aggressive sexually and then I met my husband. He opened up a softer side of me and I have become very comfortable letting him lead. Now I find myself thinking about “activities” that I would love to do but my husband is both extremely hetero and kind of a … Continue Reading

Love: 1
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Reader Q&A: Am I being scammed?

I’m newly introduced to potential fem dom /sex slave thing, and after receiving couple email tasks, very hot pictures and a 1min long video clip, I’m tempted to get in. My mistress(she wants me to call her such) is now asking for training kit fee of $1200 for equipment and toys via western union, moneygram or interact -e-transfer.

Is this normal or scam?

She seems very good at what she’s doing in manipulating my mind, and I am truly probably going to make the commitment and then find out if it was a scam indeed. I have been convinced this … Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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PSA: Some dominants are arseholes

I hear it a lot when some self-identified dominant behaves like a jerk: “They aren’t dominant, they’re just an arsehole.”

It annoys the crap out of me.

Let me let you in on a little secret. Come closer now…

The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

I know!! Shocker, right?!

Some dominants ARE arseholes. Also emotionally stunted, insensitive, selfish, rude, stupid, jerk-faced fuck ups.

You don’t get to to say that those people aren’t dominant as if dominance is a trait that magically erases any negative personal characteristics: It doesn’t.

There are good people in the world.

Some of those good people … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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Reader Q&A: How to explain that he wants to be ‘used’

I really want to do a bunch of ‘How to’ posts to cover ‘hints and tips for newbies’ because I see these kinds of questions all the time from both potential submissives and from potential dominants. They’re great questions that many people struggle with in one way or another.

Hello. when answering questions you often say to new Dom’s not take the airy fairy stuff like ‘I want to fulfil all your fantasies’ and ask their partners for more details. But what if a sub really gets turned on by the idea of being used instead of any particular acts. Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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Reader QnA: How does a sub say no?

How does a sub say no at all. I read you blog entry on what to do if your sub says no but a harder question for a sub is how do you say no. Numerous times I have had very bad experiences because I didn’t feel I could deny my partner.

Recently My Lady put me through a scene that was several hours long. It was something I knew I would not enjoy but I felt I could not say no. Negotiation can not cover every possibility, I had simply never thought of this kind of play before. Now … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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