I wrote a bit about my view of service submission in response to a couple of comments on my last post, but wanted to pull it out and expand on it a little to specifically explain what I mean when I refer to a ‘service submissive’.
I use the term ‘service submissive’ to describe someone who offers domestic services (or sometimes other useful services) for their own sake, because they get something out of doing it for a dominant. That is, the exchange is solely or primarily about giving and receiving service of some kind (and no, sexual ‘service’ doesn’t count).
And hell yes it’s rare.
Various kinds of service within the context of a sexual/romantic/fwb/play partner/whatever *relationship* is something very different. And many forms of it are common in a D/s relationship. For me, once it’s in the context of a wider relationship, while it’s obviously still service, it’s also obviously no longer primarily about service. I’m not devaluing that (not at all!), it’s just that expecting certain kinds of service from my submissive in a wider D/s relationship is a very different thing from a pure service relationship where the giving and receiving of service IS the relationship.
This boy actually put up personal ads offering domestic service, nothing more. Essentially just ‘I’ll come to your house and do your chores’: he was actively seeking service arrangements. When he first contacted me, it was also about service.
Pure service submissives (I don’t like the word ‘pure’, but I mean where it’s solely about service) do it for different reasons, but there is a D/s exchange in both giving and receiving service.
In my experience 99.9% of self identified service submissives, when questioned, will reveal that actually, they want some play in return, or they are angling for a relationship, or their service comes with caveats, or they just want to prance around in a maid’s outfit and get spanked for being naughty and etc. For that reason, I’ve never had one, though I’ve spoken to quite a few self identified service submissives over the years.
The strings attached to their service meant that they weren’t *really* offering service: they were offering a tit-for-tat arrangement disguised as service. There is nothing wrong with ‘I’ll clean your house in return for play’, but these situations are never presented that way and it takes some digging to find it under the service focussed spiel.
So yeah, in my experience a genuine service submissive is a total unicorn.
In fact this boy is the first one I’ve met who seems to genuinely want to provide domestic service and seems to want to follow through.
From my side I will introduce some minor protocol, give clear instructions, provide guidance, correct where necessary, and show appreciation for the effort from a dominant perspective. By that I mean that there is a dominant energy that communicates ‘I *see* you, I appreciate you, I enjoy you *as a submissive man* doing this for me’ (I’m really not ‘woo woo’ but I think most of my readers would know what I mean). By the same token, I expect to feel that submissive energy from him, a desire to please, to get it right, to do the best job he can, to feel as if it’s a personal service he is doing for me versus it feeling like ‘random person doing chores’. It is NOT the same thing as ‘random person doing chores’. Not at all. Best case: it’s sweet and fun for both of us.
I guess I’ll see soon enough.