The other day…

The other day, I wrote about you, quiet words just for me. My journal is heavy with the weight of thousands upon thousands of quiet words. And loud words. And sweet ones. Angry ones. Violent ones. Broken ones. I couldn’t remember your name. It was a shock. A physical shock. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. […]

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Scaling the wall

When I talk with lovely submissive men, the ones who have wonderful qualities, the ones who I should fit with because they are perfect on paper, I want to tell them how to scale my walls.  If you’ve ever been into rock climbing you know exactly what I mean.  “No, up, the hand hold is there on your left, […]

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Word power

When I first told him to call me ‘Ma’am’, he wasn’t happy about it. It made him uncomfortable. He LIKED using my name. He half heartedly protested.  “But ‘Sharyn’ has come to mean ‘Ma’am’ to me…” he said. “That’s what it MEANS.” I didn’t change my mind though, and he dutifully started using it. Awkwardly at first. […]

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My heart is small and dark

Compersion (n): A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Referred to mostly in poly or open relationships. I don’t feel it. Ever. I am not a kind or giving person that way. I am selfish and greedy. Possessive. What’s mine is mine and you can’t have any of it. […]

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Footprints

There are those relationships whose influence lasts long after they are over and often for longer than they were alive. Intensity, unfathomable joy, bright starbursts, out-of-control fireworks, terrible pain. Remnants that are still sharp if I pay attention. The tail of the comet is often brighter than the flare of its reality. He wrote. Words about me. […]

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Putting the past to bed

My First arrives today. This morning he said he got up to this song. Unbeknownst to me, it’s one that he has associated with me for a long long time.  The first time I heard that song was when my last submissive sent it to me. Similarly (and in a weird coincidence), he also saw me, and us, […]

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Darker

NaBloWriMo[SubmissiveGuyComics¬†is also doing a post for our NaBloWriMo project]   There are some things I don’t talk about, well, lots of things actually. They’re unacceptable for public consumption for various reasons. Sometimes because they are simply too personal, sometimes because they invade someone’s privacy, sometimes because they are too revealing, sometimes because there is no way to talk about them coherently, […]

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Shibari

NaBloWriMo[SubmissiveGuyComics has also done a ‘Shibari‘ post for our NaBloWriMo project]   This is a picture of the first time I played with rope, my ex boy kneeling patiently before me while I painstakingly followed instructions for this dragonfly sleeve. I enjoyed it well enough: time spent with my sweetheart, intense attention, an almost meditative precision, and oh my he was so pretty in rope, […]

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Disturbing the peace

Domme Chronicles hard cover mockup I have been wanting to send my ex boy a copy of my book. After all, it is mostly about him, he was key in encouraging me to put my writing out into the world: It exists in no small part because of and for him. It is a selfish thing, though, this desire. It is probably kinder of me to leave him alone. […]

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I adore a little jealousy

He had a work function one evening. Academia: he and his fellows were meant to be grabbing new creative talent and sizing them up for their faculty. He had shyly asked me if I wanted to go. I didn’t, of course. He knew that well enough, but he asked me anyway.  “Of course!” I said.  He beamed at me. […]

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