When I talk with lovely submissive men, the ones who have wonderful qualities, the ones who I should fit with because they are perfect on paper, I want to tell them how to scale my walls.
If you’ve ever been into rock climbing you know exactly what I mean.
“No, up, the hand hold is there on your left, above your head. Yes THERE. And there’s a foot hold on that small ledge there, about knee height. Yes! THERE! Go you!”
I got me to thinking about how my (ex)boy scaled my walls.
And here’s the thing: it was EASY for him. He just scampered on up there with nary a thought. I hardly even saw him doing it. I was almost instantly enthralled, amused, entertained, and delighted by him as soon as he replied to my first message.
In fact, I resisted him even when he had clearly reached the top of the wall and was looking down the other side. Because of distance and logistics, it was a silliness. Instead of having to help him to scale the wall, I found myself being pulled into a free fall down the other side by the momentum while I tried to dig my heels in and stop the inevitable.
I was literally stupid over that boy. Looking back, the intensity of it was like my first love. Ridiculous crazy-making obsessive intensity.
And I can’t put my finger on why that was. He just ‘got me’ almost instantly in a way that is rare and impossible. He made me laugh in his very first emails, he had a wild and active imagination that he shared with abandon, he listened and threw himself into every conversation with the excitement of a small child, he ran at me shyly and relentlessly. Then he bloomed for me in front of my eyes, and it was completely intoxicating.
The boy before him was the same in that he sparked with me early. I just knew in the first message from him that he had ‘something’, I was itching to reply. I felt ‘it’. And in fact after we split up, he was back on the BDSM dating site with a different nick and he sent me a courtesy note to let me know he was around. But he left off identifying himself until the last sentence. And by the time I GOT to the last sentence of his witty and fun email, I felt it, I knew this one was special, I was quietly excited. And then he was all ‘Hey, it’s me, just letting you know’. Arrggghh!! *laugh* Brat.
I didn’t write this for nostalgia. I wrote this because I am talking to a lovely man and I want to help him scale the wall. He seems like all the good things. I want to say “That handhold, that crevice…”
But I’m not quite sure whether having to give someone guidance in how to interact with me means that it’s already a lost cause.
I think about women who put very specific instructions for how they are to be contacted in their online profiles. It seems to me that all they are doing is allowing men who are completely unsuitable to slip over the wall because they have a formula that will get them there.
If you tell someone how to interact with you, they will probably try to do it. But that’s not who they are. They are someone else entirely and that will come out eventually. All you’re doing is delaying the inevitable.
So I’m vaguely telling this man who is all the good things what sort of interactions I enjoy, just in case he’s shy or nervous or holding back or some other thing. Trying to point out some footholds. There you go, try that. The top isn’t that far, but you’ll never get there with your feet planted on the ground like that.