For you…

The first boy I ever loved and I are still in touch. He lives in the UK, we catch up when we are anywhere in proximity, which of course isn’t often.

A recent situation reminded me of a sweet moment with him, of which there are many. Sweet moments, I mean.

He had invited some of his friends over for dinner. He was cooking. I was hovering in the kitchen with him, sipping a cold glass of white wine, avoiding having to socialise.

He was madly busy; chopping, mixing, checking things on the stove, in the oven. I always enjoyed … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Holy fuck beautiful eyes

I’ve taken to calling him ‘holy-fuck-beautiful-eyes’ (in honour of the fabulously articulate email I sent him on a whim), which is the worst nickname EVER but it makes me smile every time I use it.

He’s not a match for me (he agrees with this), and I am unlikely to meet him (I’ve told him this), and yet, there is that elusive ‘something’ there that draws me in and I love it and I hate it.

He’s local, a little younger than me, a singer, a writer, a film maker, a hippy environmentalist with longish curly hair and holy fuck, … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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My sent emails XXXIX – OKCupid version

The OKCupid version (yes, I joined a vanilla dating site: more on this later!).

These are random emails I have sent out to men whose profiles I liked (as opposed to replies to emails that landed in my inbox).

To be clear, the first three were not potential matches: I just like to send out compliments to people when I see something interesting. It’s fun to say sweet things to people. It’s also stress free and you just never know what sort of conversations you might strike up out of a random compliment thrown into the void.


To local Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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Random memories: Hiding myself

The first boy I ever fell in love with was a vanilla submissive. I have mentioned him before.

We are still in touch, I am pretty sure that I gave him this blog address at some stage long ago. I doubt he reads it, but I really don’t know and haven’t asked. If he does: *smile… wave* Hello there, A!!!

We were together before I had ever heard of BDSM, or D/s, or any of that. I once had us write sexual fantasies for each other. We were exploring possibilities, and I wanted to hear what was deep in the … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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On ‘becoming a Domme’ Part I

I was a pretty confident, smart, take-no-bullshit young woman, and I always attracted men who would fall over themselves to do what I wanted (even before I really figured out what I wanted). Given my later proclivities, I should have been happy with that, right?

But I found them insufferably dull because I would push at them, and they would roll over at the slightest hint of my disapproval, would become scared to even express an opinion in case it wasn’t one I liked, they were cowed. They weren’t doing what I wanted because they wanted me to be happy, … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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Sunday afternoon

I was feeling a little ‘meh’ today.

I invited my vanilla ex out for an afternoon drink at the surf club where we can sit overlooking the beach.

Pinot grigio, idle conversation, humpback whales just off shore, a volleyball game with good natured kids going on just under the deck.

Whales! Seriously. Just off shore. I am so fucking lucky!!

All of this makes me happy.

I watch a boy playing volleyball below the deck where I am sitting. He is thin, he wears oversized sunglasses, long board shorts, a t-shirt, chin hair with no moustache. He is compelling. I … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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Vanilla submissive vs D/s submissive

I wrote this post earlier about how some people call lovely, attentive, considerate behaviour from a man ‘submissive’ instead of thinking of it simply as the behaviour of a fabulous man in love.

I coined the term ‘vanilla submissive’ to refer to vanilla men I have been with whose behaviour is pretty much exactly what I expect from my submissive. Only, they weren’t my submissive.

The comments on my previous post were lively and quite wonderful, and raised the very valid question of “well, what is the difference between ‘vanilla submissive’ and ‘D/s submissive'” and I thought my view on … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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