That first vanilla date had promise, but of course when I write I do not tell you everything.
I don’t write narratives, a list of facts, a blow-by-blow. I write, as best I can, an emotional truth. To tell you how things feel to me, what’s in my head. A truth, but not the whole truth in context and with detail because for those moments, it’s not relevant.
So let me fill in some gaps: There were practical issues with George Clooney. I mean, apart from the ‘he’s vanilla’ one. He has children under 10, a complicated relationship with his ex-wife, and no car. Those were the ones that would materially impact ‘how dating him would go’.
Still, logistical issues are easy to resolve if you have the will, but despite the hint of potential, neither of us was keen enough to suggest a second date either at the time or in the days that followed our date. I mused in my last that he already knew I would go after what I wanted, so possibly he felt he didn’t have to. But that being as it may, when a man is keen on me, I know it.
And if I am keen on him, I know it also.
My interest waned quickly, draining away as soon as the date was in the rear-view mirror.
The practicalities were a factor absolutely, not least because of the immediate ‘ugh, having to drive up to where he lives and back for a second date is a pain’. Or maybe I’m just fickle.
I left it 3 days before messaging him. I just… couldn’t decide if I wanted to. This is never a good sign. Still, I enjoyed our date and I felt I owed it to myself to give it a proper go. So I was teetering when I texted him. I told him I enjoyed his company (I did) and would love to see him again, trying to cycle up that enthusiasm to see if he would pick it up and dissipate some of my ambivalence.
His reply was somewhat garbled, but the crux I gleaned from it was ‘I’m interested but you need to convince me’ *insert my ‘you’re fucking joking, right?!’ face*.
It came from a perfectly valid concern about my dominance and about the BDSM discussion we’d had: He was struggling to see how it would work with us. That’s absolutely fair enough. But the way he put it was an immediate turn-off, so I went from ‘worth a go’ to ‘uh, no’.
There are many ways to raise those kinds of concerns, but ‘convince me’ is not one I’m willing to deal with. I have zero interest in talking a man into dating me, and even if I wanted to, I can’t. I am who I am: Either you like what you’ve seen so far and want to learn more and see how that goes, or you don’t. Absolutely we need to talk more about it as we feel out if this thing has legs, but I’m not willing to ‘sell myself’ to someone, to persuade them that I’m worth going out with, because that’s ridiculous.
I crowd-sourced the question of whether I could just drop it or if I had to go back and say ‘nah’ to him. I mean one date and a total of two texts is surely indicative of a mutual lack of investment, enough not to have to reply if you decide not to pursue it, amirite? I left it for a few days and he didn’t follow up, so I think we were on the same page. No harm, no foul.
But being as I am always Guilty McGuilterton from Guilttown, I ended up feeling uncomfortable with just not replying, so sent him a final text after about 4 or 5 days to let him know that I was bowing out and to wish him well.
And that, folks, is how I dumped* George Clooney**…
*Not really a dumping at all, of course, just expressing our pretty mutual lack of interest out loud :P.
**Also not really George Clooney. This entire post is a web of lies. LIES!