The way my brain works is really annoying to me sometimes.
It will spin on a thought and refuse to let it go, and I will spend way too much time and energy talking to myself about it, going round and round in circles.
When the sex-voiced Texan cut off communication, there was a niggling fear that ‘something’ had happened. But I let it go because I’m not one of those people who makes excuses for others: the most logical explanation is mostly the right one. I had come around to that. I had shut that niggling twitch down. Or … Continue Reading
I’ve been avoiding writing about this, not because it didn’t turn out the way I wanted (spoiler alert: it didn’t), but because I was hoping for it to end well and I wanted to allow enough time for that to happen (then more time, then a bit more…).
By ‘ending well’, I don’t mean ‘the way I wanted’, I mean with mutual respect and bitter sweetness.
But I have to face that that’s not going to happen and THAT makes me sad and disappointed and angry.
I hate that it would have been so EASY to end it well (SO … Continue Reading
The sex-voiced Texan is contemplating his options.
“I like you a ridiculous amount,” he says to me while he is deciding whether to turn away from this or not. Whatever ‘this’ is exactly.
He has made some decisions that leave an impending visit far enough away for it to become something vague and untouchable. In light of that, he is disappointed and hurt and sad. He is right to be. These connections that you can form remotely are confusing, and intense, and often pointless. He has no experience with it, and he has reached the feeling of aimless sadness much … Continue Reading
“Do you believe me when I tell you you’re beautiful?”
He pauses. Shrugs. Is uncomfortable. “I believe that you mean it when you say it…” he says finally.
I nod. I mean it. Of course. I don’t say things I don’t mean.
I don’t think anyone has ever told him that he’s beautiful before. It’s not how most women relate to men. He doesn’t quite know what to do with it, isn’t comfortable with it.
I will keep saying it because it gives me pleasure to tell him, because I want him to know how I see him, because I … Continue Reading
“Sharyn, you know I would NEVER tell you you’re wrong…” he pauses, tilts his head and gives me the biggest smile, a mega-watt light-up-the-world kind of smile. “But…”
I take a screenshot.
Then he goes on to tell me how and why I’m wrong *laugh*.
“That’s my ‘get out of trouble’ smile,” he tells me later.
It’s become a joke with us now.
“Sharyn, you know I would NEVER tell you no…” *mega-watt smile*
“Sharyn, you know I would NEVER [something something]…” *mega-watt smile*
It makes me laugh. HE makes me laugh.
I put that snapshot of … Continue Reading
I’ve said this before in different ways, but I’m going to say it again.
What I expect from potential submissives, or even submissive men I am just flirting with, is that they do what they say they will do. Every time. Reliably. Without fail.
Hell, I apply that rule to everyone, but with *other* people, I don’t really care either way. Do it, don’t do it, whatever. No skin off my nose.
With a submissive man who I might be feeling out for more than flirtatious banter, though, it’s everything.
It’s how I develop trust in them. It’s how I … Continue Reading
This time, I sent sex-voiced Texan a photo of a pose I liked as inspiration: casual, leaning against a wall, hat in hand, boots on, jeans, no shirt.
He sent me three pictures: two variations of that pose, and one off-script photo featuring his bound hands, the boots and hat in shot.
I am (almost literally) floored by my visceral reaction to how beautiful he is. But it’s not JUST his beauty. It’s the fact that he happily trots off to do his best to give me what I want. Then he over-achieves. Unf.
This was my reply.
I … Continue Reading