Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

I was gonna tweet “How are people fucking dating rn?!”
But really I mean “How are people fucking dating anywhere ever in the history of time?!”
Dating fucking sucks
Just bring me a fully formed relationship with someone who’s happy I slap his face before I sit on it

Look, if you’ve

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

Obviously I only write true highbrow literary works because I only ever use ‘come’.
Nevaaarrr ‘cum’. No-one in my writing gets to to ‘cum’.
COLD DEAD HANDS and etc :P

She beats both of them senseless for having the absolute wrong focus here :P

This is a thing people do for fun.

Random things I’ve said recently, no context.

I eat pretty healthy for someone who doesn’t cook.
For example, last night I had cheese and gherkins for dinner, soooo….

I appear to have burnt my face off

I never end up making it because I am a master fuck-arounder-er

I AM BRIGHT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, BITCH!

We got rocks thrown at us & chased by a group of men for kissing in the street

…my human

Random things I’ve said recently, no context.

Is that a ‘yes, I have no intention of meeting you’ salmon? If so you might have to specify: salmon species are not my forte

I think ‘vanilla’ = did not buy dedicated equipment for that :P

And here we have a vintage little number all about self-created snowballs.

“I wanked over a picture of you, THAT’S how sexy I think you are” is not the compliment those