Shit Ferns says #8

More randomness that made perfect sense at the time…

I am a sensitive flower you know! A SENSITIVE FLOWER WITH GUNS, FUCKER!

I feel like the proper answer to every thread is ‘If you are an idiot, stop posting, idiot’

A celebratory ‘fuck off!’ drink!

I want to create a profile called MistressDerp and then post derpy face pics and say derpy things. That would be fucking funny, right?

Just as well you aren’t a deaf mute little girl battling against all odds because then I’d be fucked!

I assume the result was an explanation of blow jobs, swallowing and

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Shit Ferns says #7

Random things, no context.

I’m piloting that potpourri right into a herd of puppies!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!

And no, really, a cock is a boy-handle, if you want to get technical

Vs dressed up as if your partner is a box of stupid and everyone wants to own the box of stupid

Because the internet is all your fault? THAT’S RIGHT!!!

It will be done in your blood, natch, which must be blessed by a true Domme (that would be me) and pissed on by virgin unicorns (that’s your responsibility).

…I’m all about the cocks, if a man refuses

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Shit Ferns says #6

Random shit I spewed out at people.

No zing zing with the pussy pussies!

I will practice a gloat-covered sheepish victory dance

If someone says ‘you are too nice’, they are trying to avoid saying ‘you are boring and have no genitals’.

I am liking leaf number three, leaf number three is obviously superior to leaves number one or two, though they tried their hardest and deserve a little pat for their sub standard efforts. But leaf number three will be my favourite. Leaf number four will have to work hard to outdo leaf number three!!

Because one woman’s girlie

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Shit Ferns says #5

Random stuff, no context…

Suddenly, I will be cunty mcfuckface and you will be all ‘woah! WTF?’ and I’ll be all “Yeah IN YER FACE!!”

DICK! Also, he’s probably RACIST.

I have dubbed the annoying pain in my side ‘Harold’. Harold is short and pudgy and sweaty and very annoying. I have given him a name so I can say things like “Fucking Harold wouldn’t leave me alone today!” or “*sigh* Can’t run, I will wake up Harold”.

…now I have that site plus a google question “How big is an orca’s penis” forever logged against my identity. By the

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Shit Ferns says #3

Random out of context stuff that I have said recently.

It’s its own special ‘thing’, like a ‘thing’ you read about when you read about ‘things’ that aren’t like other ‘things’…

Un-coffeed, I am kind of mean

You totally win injury finger porn wars!!!

I think Hitty McHitty-on-er-ton was over in the other corner with the fit brunette in the tiny shorts…

I think you absolutely *must* say something about your ‘journey’, whine about scammers, fit in at least one ‘lol’ (preferably with no relevant context), one smiley face :) to make you seem like a jolly nice chap, and

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Shit Ferns says… #2

Random, out of context shit I said this week (first one is here). This is laziness recycling at its finest, folks!

Ninja tiger gecko says nothing because hey, NINJA! You can’t even SEE that mofo!

“Take this boring, pedestrian sex, bitch!”

I must collect these things for my ‘crazy old lady’ dotage

Eek! Blinded by the glory of ninja tiger gecko!

Rawwrr! *waggles butt*

I am a dead milkman, only not dead, and not a milkman.

1. Get naked. 2. Cook something, anything, doesn’t matter really…

Tsk tsk, you should have been nude. Duh!

Emails and responses in 140

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Shit Ferns says…

Random things that I said this week, completely out of context:

Trussed and Disembowelled. It’s all in the technique… Slice slice… no nicking the intestine… it’s all good!

I should run classes.

Sternum pads are the new black.

I’m like the Flash ~insert theme music here~

I hope the imaginary squirrel didn’t get drunk on cocktails.

You can Carly-Simon, and then segue into a CCS (Confirmed Carly-Simon)… But you can’t just go straight into a CCS, that makes no sense!


Sometimes I play a single song on a loop.
Not for

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