Shit Ferns says #10

There is a contingent on Twitter whose sole purpose seems to be to create 140 characters of sickly love-related tweetery that is so corny and cringeworthy that I can feel my internal organs die a little each time one crosses my timeline.

As sweetness between two individuals, I think a recipient might well adore it. But broadcast as ‘declarations of deep love’, they make me want to smack someone in the face.

“Like what?” … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
Please wait...
Read More

Shit Ferns says #9

Random, no context.

The asked-for-cock-shot is the holy grail of cock shots, the zenith, the pinnacle, rare & precious

The cycle of fapping is a wondrous thing… and so it goes…

What you actually have to do involves unicorn sweat, fairy dust, rat poison & a hairless goat

We’re not at a union negotiating table here…

I am a cock shot repellent. If only I could bottle it!

…my wanking is an absolute single minded

Continue Reading
Loves: 5
Please wait...
Read More

Shit Ferns says #8

More randomness that made perfect sense at the time…

I am a sensitive flower you know! A SENSITIVE FLOWER WITH GUNS, FUCKER!

I feel like the proper answer to every thread is ‘If you are an idiot, stop posting, idiot’

A celebratory ‘fuck off!’ drink!

I want to create a profile called MistressDerp and then post derpy face pics and say derpy things. That would be fucking funny, right?

Just as well you aren’t a

Continue Reading
Loves: 3
Please wait...
Read More

Shit Ferns says #7

Random things, no context.

I’m piloting that potpourri right into a herd of puppies!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!

And no, really, a cock is a boy-handle, if you want to get technical

Vs dressed up as if your partner is a box of stupid and everyone wants to own the box of stupid

Because the internet is all your fault? THAT’S RIGHT!!!

It will be done in your blood, natch, which must be blessed by

Continue Reading
Loves: 8
Please wait...
Read More

Shit Ferns says #6

Random shit I spewed out at people.

No zing zing with the pussy pussies!

I will practice a gloat-covered sheepish victory dance

If someone says ‘you are too nice’, they are trying to avoid saying ‘you are boring and have no genitals’.

I am liking leaf number three, leaf number three is obviously superior to leaves number one or two, though they tried their hardest and deserve a little pat for their sub standard efforts.

Continue Reading
Loves: 7
Please wait...
Read More

Shit Ferns says #5

Random stuff, no context…

Suddenly, I will be cunty mcfuckface and you will be all ‘woah! WTF?’ and I’ll be all “Yeah IN YER FACE!!”

DICK! Also, he’s probably RACIST.

I have dubbed the annoying pain in my side ‘Harold’. Harold is short and pudgy and sweaty and very annoying. I have given him a name so I can say things like “Fucking Harold wouldn’t leave me alone today!” or “*sigh* Can’t run, I will

Continue Reading
Loves: 8
Please wait...
Read More

Shit Ferns says #3

Random out of context stuff that I have said recently.

It’s its own special ‘thing’, like a ‘thing’ you read about when you read about ‘things’ that aren’t like other ‘things’…

Un-coffeed, I am kind of mean

You totally win injury finger porn wars!!!

I think Hitty McHitty-on-er-ton was over in the other corner with the fit brunette in the tiny shorts…

I think you absolutely *must* say something about your ‘journey’, whine about scammers,

Continue Reading
Loves: 1
Please wait...
Read More