Shit Ferns says #17

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

I was gonna tweet “How are people fucking dating rn?!”
But really I mean “How are people fucking dating anywhere ever in the history of time?!”
Dating fucking sucks
Just bring me a fully formed relationship with someone who’s happy I slap his face before I sit on it

Look, if you’ve got ’69’ in your nick, you might be just lovely, but the chance of me replying to your email just dropped to about 0 bec I CAN NOT get my head around the mindset this comes from
Are you 13? Think it’s cute? ‘Hurr hurr’ing behind the bike sheds?
Come on, man!

Words are hard

I typed 10 responses to this which can all be summarised down to ‘I hate people and I don’t make friends’

Considering getting a good 6 inches cut off

I have a LOT of pantries to fuck up :P

How will I know what weird double breasted, shoulder-baring, tiger-print, uneven-hemmed asbestos-lined coat to buy this season?!

Oh honey. No.

“This haircut is fucking terrible, but I’m still cute as hell” just about covers it

I will be ignoring y’all while I glory in this beautiful man being all British and bow-legged and salt-and-pepper ‘innit’

I sent a support email to two companies and they both RANG ME BACK.
Look people, if I wanted to talk to you fuckers on the phone I’d have fucking called you
I don’t even want to talk to people I love on the phone
Fuck off

Just to say, once you’ve seen M/f’ers in a sentence like this, you can’t unsee it :D

Australians shopping:
– Ukulele sales up 700%
– Track suit sales up 2000%
*pictures this*
Yep, this is who we are now

Silly: You should buy ME dinner for the privilege :P

I’ve never heard of Cake

“I think I speak for all of us when I say… we’re lazy and incompetent”

“Let’s rub dicks”
“But the cameras!”
“Just snarl in my face, baby”

Well, now I just have to sit here doing nothing. Because if I do something else, anything else, I’ll feel guilty about not doing the thing I should be doing.
So yeah. This is me now.
Doing nothing for the foreseeable future.

“CNC jig” is my new kink

Don’t you worry, it’s utter garbage

Go get ’em!

TIL there is a piercing called a ‘Princess Albertina’
It runs from the urethra to the vaginal opening


Loves: 17
Please wait…

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  1. You know, when I made my reddit account for femdom type stuff I didn’t think much of it, I just took a regular name I use and slapped 69 on the end of it because “hey it’s a throwaway for sex stuff, who cares it doesn’t matter, and I’ll remember it because it’s stupid”.

    Then I started actually posting under it and boy do I feel called out right now!

  2. At one time or another I might just have been rubbish enough to send a comment like that.

    But fortunately, now I know I suck so will not make that mistake….

    …. again.

  3. So online interaction really is worse for you than for the rest of us.

    But how on earth do you get to “lets rub dicks”?

    Firstly, I’m not sure you have one. Secondly, why would you link up to rub dicks?

    Granted, if there’s been a place crash and you’re all stuck on a big shitty death mountain “Alive” style, you might want heat. But you can’t rub dicks together hard enough to light a fire. My scout leader tought me that.

    These are difficult times. Stay safe.

  4. Thank You Ms. Ferns,
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