Shit Ferns says #16

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

Obviously I only write true highbrow literary works because I only ever use ‘come’.
Nevaaarrr ‘cum’. No-one in my writing gets to to ‘cum’.
COLD DEAD HANDS and etc :P

She beats both of them senseless for having the absolute wrong focus here :P

This is a thing people do for fun.
I’M SUSPICIOUS

I made plans to go for a bike ride after pilates and now I’m mad at past-me, the ‘let’s-go-do-things!’ chirpy fucking arsehole

THIS is how you explain your play spaces
Loud & proud, & you can even stick a sign right out front :P

…did I write? No, no I did not :P. I was busy doing stuff nobody cares about :)

Ha ha: jk about 4
I’ll 100% be doing the latter thing

Nobody cares about your penis size as much as you do. Trust me on this.

Make your money. That’s cool. You don’t have to be an unethical dick about it.

YOU’RE MINE NOW, BITCH. NOBODY EVER LEAVES!

Claw. It. Back!

For future reference, the quickest way to get me to tidy is apparently to tell me you’re coming over with champagne
I mean, champagne DESERVES salubrious surroundings.
If it’s just you sans champagne, well, you’re just lucky to be here :P

If he wasn’t waaaayyy too young and nowhere near me I’d be all over it.
And by ‘it’, I mean ‘him’ :P

Ditto mouthing ‘fuck you, arsehole’ tbh

I can only assume the yelling is various versions of ‘LET IT GO YOU COMPLETE FUCKING DONUT!!!”

If I put PhD after my name on here, will that make a difference to anything
BECAUSE I’LL FUCKING DO IT!

So yeah: A white business shirt after body writing isn’t a great idea. Oops.

Well that’s the only logical outcome if you fall in love with a snake…

Reminds me of dudes who go on about how kinky they are, soo kinky, super kinky, you can’t even imagine!
They mean they like anal
Giving, not receiving, because EW!

To be fair, kittens can rip you up and you’ll gladly take it and let them do it again whenever they want :P

His scared face when he even said it was worth the entire conversation :P

I HAVE LOVED RYAN RENOLDS SINCE TWO GUYS A GIRL AND A PIZZA PLACE (IT WAS SO BAD EVEN THEN BUT RR IS A GLORIOUS FUCKER STFU) AND IF HE EVER DOES ANYTHING SHITTY IMMA BE SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT IT

Cool cool.
Glad we’ve got a bunch of internet strangers keen to judge the merit of other internet strangers based on some stuff they said on the internet about their own experience.
Because that’s absolutely valid

Dear Ferns,
Your book of femdom erotica did not cater to my boner in all the ways I would have liked, in fact I would rate it a disappointing 2 stars in terms of prick-hardening.
I know you needed to know my Very Important Thoughts on this matter.
Regards, A Soft-Dicked Reader
Quote Tweet

I don’t enjoy it particularly, but I’m still good at it.

If beautiful men, kick arse women, and a bunch of gratuitous violence doesn’t appeal to you, I don’t know what to tell you :P

RIDE OR DIE AND WE’RE RIDING, BITCHES!!

This is the problem with humans: We don’t recognise aliens even when they’re fucking screaming in our faces

Comparison is the death of happiness
Unless you’re comparing yourself to that arsehole in high school who bullied everyone & who you’ve just seen going viral on FB bec their mom blasted them for bleating some offensive right wing rhetoric
In that case: You go for it :)

“a lot of you have really bad judgment when it comes to what I give a damn about”

I do believe I am now a beautiful butterfly… :)

The evolution of seagulls
Next it will be cans

Always*.
*Except for the next time I answer this question and say something else…

TV shows that are full of amoral rich arseholes with no redeeming qualities who you can freely hate and wish bad things on are totally my wheelhouse right now

“My taste in music is your face” is the best line :)

I WILL KICK THAT LATVIAN GENERAL’S ARSE WITH MY 5’10 OF HULKING AUSTRALIAN SUPER BROBDINGNAGIAN*
*this is a real fucking word

Filed under ‘things I didn’t know I needed’
2020 energy right there

I try and only visit superficially, from the height of a well-controlled drone, big picture, none of the gritty detail. And even then I only go rarely :)

As glorious powerful women, we are free of limitations or external rules: Each of us gets to decide when it feels right

Loves: 5
Please wait…

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16 comments

  1. Wow, that was the literary equivalent of grabbing all the leftovers in the fridge and making dinner out of them … needs a bit more salt, though! Wonderful!!

    1. *laugh* ‘Flirt derisively’ is not how I would have categorised any of this :P.

      Though clearly you need to come on over to twitter and join me :).

      Ferns

      1. Soooo ….

        … you have to use your actual human phone number to get a Twitter account now. The same number you use to tell your dad and mum that you’re sorry about how things turned out with you, and that it was you that stole all the kit-kats that one time.

        Even though thousands of Russian bots can get a twitter account without trouble, with only the intention of destabilising the west and democracy itself, with no intention of telling the truth about kit-kats.

        Russian and Chinese bots get to do that untraced, but if all you want to do is say “Hi” to a Domme on Twitter … well … that requires security steps.

        Well fuck you Twitter, not only will I not say “Hi” to that Domme, but She doesn’t get to have one of my stolen Kit-Kats.

        There’s a line we all draw. With delicious chocolate and wafer.

  2. No joke intended, you need to watch Cobra Kai.

    I’ve just got into it now. Was going to have jokes to share but holy hell Cobra Kai makes you young again…

      1. Oh, if you remember Karate Kid and you have Netflix, you have an avenue to be young again.

        Like a Succubus. If a Succubus fed on Karate, like a cool and fun Succubus would have done in the 1980’s.

        Also, I live in the past. Have a great evening!

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