Random stuff, no context…
…”all the best with all the oral sex you are going to be having…” and now I feel super creepy and weird…
Yes, I AM too stupid to use sex toys, it’s TRUE!
…people talking to my ass is just uncomfortable for everyone concerned…
Well, okay, fine. I suction-cupped a dildo to the fridge. Doesn’t everyone do that?
“If only you’d done your kegel exercises, flabby-vagina bitches!”
QUOTES DO NOT DIFFERENTIATE SMARTARSERY FROM NON SMARTARSERY!!!
“Please STFU and Just Look Pretty: How to Please Your Casual Partner”
…bring me pomegranates deseeded onto the body of a young boy virgin shaped into a pretzel!
I CAN imagine interested parties trying to provoke said swattitude, courtesy of ‘yayness’ and vodka.
Next thing you know, I’d be in the trunk of a car, and I probably wouldn’t even get a decent lunch out of it!
Fine, I’m making my own fucking food. I HATE YOU ALL!!
“Hey baby, guess what’s in my bathroom? A RIVER OF PUKE!! Aw yeah… ~bedroom eyes~“
Come here little boy, I have lollies in the back of my van. Yes, that one with the blackened windows. Also, puppies…
I AM a woman, for realz! With all the womanly womanness of womanosity’s womanhood. Also boobies!!
I imagine I could slap harder and longer if my hands are all calloused up
Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. Your body is seriously crazy-beautiful. Holy jesus.
Want to come home with me and roll around naked in my piles of money?