Lies, lies, and more lies

© 'Liar liar' by Ferns

If you’re on the internet, you’ve been lied to. Maybe in small ways that don’t matter, maybe in egregious ways that did a number on you.

For me, as a dominant woman with a certain level of visibility who’s looking for a partner, I get lied to by self-identified submissive men over and over.

Mostly they are so bad at it that it’s a non-event, an eyeroll, something funny.

But some of them seem plausible, … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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Sex as a reward

In F/m, using sex as a reward seems to be a thing. Where the sub’s good behaviour earns sex.

If folks enjoy it, great. But to me it’s the grossest thing.

On all levels.

In my mind, it leads to scenarios like this:

  • Ugh I don’t feel like having sex but he’s ‘earned’ it so I suppose I have to now
  • I feel like having sex but he was ‘naughty’ yesterday, so I guess I
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Loves: 19
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Fear of flying

I don’t have a fear of flying. I have a fear of failure.

My fear of failure is so great that I couldn’t bear to put the word ‘failure’ in the title. Telling, no?

I genuinely believe that this fear impacts a lot of aspects of my life. Both in my past and in the present.

I am envious of those who have that fear, but try to fly anyway. Madly flapping their arms and … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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Dating & socialising #dommelife

I have had a very uncharacteristic surge of social energy in the last month or so.

So much so that I invited kinky strangers to my house (what?!) prior to going to a BDSM party next month (double what?!!).

Both of those things are so much out of character that it seems somewhat bizarre, even to me.


One of the catalysts for this sudden outreach is that my best … Continue Reading

Loves: 19
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End of year roundup

It’s blogging tradition to do some kind of roundup at the end of the year. A summary of the year, some kind of ‘thing’, all thoughtful and reflective.

It’s better, of course, if it’s meaningful and poignant. Also better when drinking champagne. But when the year hasn’t been either of those things, and I’m not actually drinking champagne, it gets a little tricky.

I released two books in the last quarter of this year.

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Loves: 19
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Random snippets: An update #dommelife

© 'Self care' by Ferns

I had a full-on self-care day on Friday since I’ve still been feeling rather flat.

My hair was freshened and super-swished at my regular salon, my lashes darkened for more effective fluttering, then I had an hour-long luxury foot treatment with hot stones, foot massage, and pedicure and polish with my favourite go-to blood-red colour, I ate delicious sweet things from a quality bakery.

I turned up an hour early for the spa treatment because … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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Champagne boys apply here

© 'What having a champagne boy looks like' by Ferns

I’d much rather feel angry than sad.

But now it seems like I’ve expended all this anger on my book, and I’ve used up all the spiky energy it gave me. Doing the work required to get it published in the next few days feels like wading through treacle in a fog.

What’s left in the aftermath of all that rage is a profound sadness that I’m struggling to shake.

The sadness feels more … Continue Reading

Loves: 20
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