If you’re on the internet, you’ve been lied to. Maybe in small ways that don’t matter, maybe in egregious ways that did a number on you.
For me, as a dominant woman with a certain level of visibility who’s looking for a partner, I get lied to by self-identified submissive men over and over.
Mostly they are so bad at it that it’s a non-event, an eyeroll, something funny.
But some of them seem plausible, until they’re proven not to be. It gets tiring and depressing. This is how women on the internet get jaded and cynical, despite their best efforts.
I posited in a comment on my last post that there are three main reasons submissive men come to me with lies:
1. Sex chat
2. Emotional engagement
Sometimes it’s some convoluted combination of those.
Let me tell you a little story, maybe I’ve told you before but I figure if I can’t remember, you won’t either :).
Once upon a time, I got a very nice email from a young man who had a bit of a crush and wanted to talk to me to see if we were compatible. He was in the US and, as I do, I drilled down on ‘so, how do you see this working?’ I am unrelenting in this because most starry-eyed dreamers have never given the distance a second’s thought and will happily pretend it’s easy, and cheap, and no big deal.
Now I did not do any real diligence on him, maybe he was lying about his name, his age, his location, his photo, maybe he wasn’t. It didn’t matter much. My pushing him on this one point was enough to know that he was in no way serious about it, so there was nowhere to take it.
So I told him ‘thanks but no thanks’.
You would think, right?
Soon afterwards, I got a thoughtful email from a local-ish young submissive. We exchanged a few messages about this-and-that, but something about him was ‘off’. I asked him about some local spots and he didn’t use the colloquial names for them, he used the ‘I searched google for this’ names. So I checked his IP address and on a hunch, I compared it to the previous young man’s IP address.
You can see where this is going can’t you, dear reader?
Yep: Same IP address.
So of course I called him on it.
And it’s funny when you call liars out on lies. It’s SO VERY RARE that they accept being caught out and sheepishly apologise and disappear. No no no. Nine times out of ten, they will double down. Which is what he did.
So his story was this (paraphrased):
“The friend I’m staying with here in the US messaged you, and he told me how it went. After we talked about it and I read through your stuff and really liked it, so I thought I’d message you, from here, in his house (no for real, it’s the truth!). But really I *do* live just near you, I’m only here in the US on vacation, and I’ll be back in 2 weeks!”
I was so relieved and excited because that sounded entirely plausible, and my my my I felt so silly to doubt him… “Oh goody,” I said, “That’s ace and you are obviously not a lying douchebag, I don’t know how I could have thought that…!!” /sarcasm
*laughs and laughs*
Truly what I did say was “Great, message me when you get home and include a picture of you in front of this restaurant that’s near where you said you lived.”
His response, “Oh, I will! I’m not lying!! You’ll see! I’ll do that as soon as I get back :)!”
And I never heard from him again…
So yeah if you ever wonder why dominant women get that ‘fuck-off’ glaze in their eyes and question you suspiciously when you land in their inbox, multiply this experience by years, day in and day out, and you will start to understand it.
Seriously, most of us are so delighted to hear from genuine, sincere, and honest submissive men that we lose our minds when they turn up. Even if we’re not a match (like this young one), it’s still a shiny thing, and thank you for it.