Insight: Life as an F/m group moderator

I already shared this on twitter, so if you follow me there (and why wouldn’t you?!), you’ve heard this story already :).

This is a story about that one time some dude got super mad because he thought someone was saying he had a small dick (spoiler: they weren’t).

As a moderator of a large F/m discussion group, I get an email from That Angry Dude (TAD) because someone in a thread attacked him and WHY AREN’T I ON TOP OF IT THIS IS BULLSHIT.

TAD’s already mad, but attacks ARE bullshit. So I check the thread, I don’t see … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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Pegging in the mainstream

I’m always surprised by pegging coming up in mainstream media. It is becoming more common in the same way chastity is finding its way into the mainstream.

I was going to compile a whole list with links, but look, I’m up against the deadline for posting today (I nearly forgot!), so I’m just putting out what I had in the depths of my 180+ drafts (it’s a mess in there). Don’t judge me!

This in Cosmopolitan magazine from 2016 where they interview three men, one of whom identifies as submissive:
“I’m a Straight Guy Who Loves Pegging”.

Then Cosmo … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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Lies, lies, and more lies

© 'Liar liar' by Ferns

If you’re on the internet, you’ve been lied to. Maybe in small ways that don’t matter, maybe in egregious ways that did a number on you.

For me, as a dominant woman with a certain level of visibility who’s looking for a partner, I get lied to by self-identified submissive men over and over.

Mostly they are so bad at it that it’s a non-event, an eyeroll, something funny.

But some of them seem plausible, until they’re proven not to be. It gets tiring and depressing. This is how women on the internet get jaded and cynical, despite their best … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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Sex as a reward

In F/m, using sex as a reward seems to be a thing. Where the sub’s good behaviour earns sex.

If folks enjoy it, great. But to me it’s the grossest thing.

On all levels.

In my mind, it leads to scenarios like this:

  • Ugh I don’t feel like having sex but he’s ‘earned’ it so I suppose I have to now
  • I feel like having sex but he was ‘naughty’ yesterday, so I guess I don’t get any
  • Gee I hope he’s ‘good’ so I can get some sex
  • I hope he’s disobedient, I don’t feel like having sex today
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Loves: 18
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Fear of flying

I don’t have a fear of flying. I have a fear of failure.

My fear of failure is so great that I couldn’t bear to put the word ‘failure’ in the title. Telling, no?

I genuinely believe that this fear impacts a lot of aspects of my life. Both in my past and in the present.

I am envious of those who have that fear, but try to fly anyway. Madly flapping their arms and running as fast as they can towards some cliff-edge, wishing and working for it.

I know: Big bad Domme scared of failure. How… undomly :P.… Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Dating & socialising #dommelife

I have had a very uncharacteristic surge of social energy in the last month or so.

So much so that I invited kinky strangers to my house (what?!) prior to going to a BDSM party next month (double what?!!).

Both of those things are so much out of character that it seems somewhat bizarre, even to me.


One of the catalysts for this sudden outreach is that my best friend (my vanilla ex, who is the loveliest of lovelies) is in a bit of trouble with his relationship, and it has come to my … Continue Reading

Loves: 19
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End of year roundup

It’s blogging tradition to do some kind of roundup at the end of the year. A summary of the year, some kind of ‘thing’, all thoughtful and reflective.

It’s better, of course, if it’s meaningful and poignant. Also better when drinking champagne. But when the year hasn’t been either of those things, and I’m not actually drinking champagne, it gets a little tricky.

I released two books in the last quarter of this year.

One super happy.

One super angry.

That might just about sum it up, to be honest. It covers both achievement and mood. My anger, … Continue Reading

Loves: 19
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