I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while.
Partly because my First now identifies as non-monogamous so it’s come a little closer to home. There are multiple reasons why he’s ‘complicated’, that catch-all euphemism that can mean anything, but the term covers the overall state of him well. … Continue Reading
When I haven’t felt it for a while, it becomes like some distant thing. Vaguely remembered, but shadowy, intangible.
Even though it didn’t work out with bambi, I am beyond delighted and grateful that he was a perfect target for the hunger. It was especially strong in the beginning before the emotional complexity complicated things and muted it. I got … Continue Reading
I wrote about how I am trying to figure out why it feels strange to write about bambi, but I still want to do it because those moments gave me something lovely, even if they were only fleeting.
So here they are: random snippets of heat and beauty…
He sweetly fell asleep early one evening, one wrist still cuffed to the bed. I was not tired yet, I watched him for a little while, then left him to sleep. I wandered in to pet him every now and then. He would snuffle softly when I touched him, dead … Continue Reading
I want to write more about bambi, snippets of hot sweetness, things that make me smile, but it feels weird. I can’t quite put my finger on why. I have never had trouble writing about boys and sweetness after the fact before.
Maybe because it’s done, it feels like I am romanticising something that didn’t work out, something that is best left in the ‘oh well’ box. It feels a little sad, and I don’t mean sad as in ‘it hurts my heart’, but sad as in ‘geez, move on already, that’s pathetic…’
Firstly let me say that Bambi is fucking lovely. Seriously. He’s adorable and smart and sweet and willing and funny and sexy and passionate and quirky and pretty and and… *shrug*… all sorts of good things.
We just… didn’t work together.
Intellectually and emotionally, we got nothin’. We talked about it, were both frustrated by it, mused about ways to fix it, but we just didn’t fit together.
Intellectually, we didn’t fire each other up. One of the things I want in a partner is someone who I find endlessly fascinating, and … Continue Reading
A body project check-in… As a spoiler, I have not been doing so great in the last couple of months since I last updated on March 18. Note the consolation beach photo instead of a bicep photo (which I haven’t had the desire to take in case it’s demotivating!).
Read on to find out what’s been going on…
I am in a privileged position with my body project because I have the freedom and time to do what I want when I want, so building a routine and habits that support what I want to achieve is not that hard. … Continue Reading