Non-monogamy and me

Peroxide over at Submissive in Seattle wrote an introspective post about polyamory for the mono-amorous where he talks about what it was like to be in a poly relationship when he’s mono-amorous. Short version: it’s tough. Long version: go read it.

I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while.

Partly because my First now identifies as non-monogamous so it’s come a little closer to home. There are multiple reasons why he’s ‘complicated’, that catch-all euphemism that can mean anything, but the term covers the overall state of him well. … [...Read More]

Loves: 11
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Oh, there I am

Earlier this year, I talked about how I worry sometimes that I’ve lost the hunger that drives my dominance. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it only comes alive when I have someone I want to aim it at.

When I haven’t felt it for a while, it becomes like some distant thing. Vaguely remembered, but shadowy, intangible.

Even though it didn’t work out with bambi, I am beyond delighted and grateful that he was a perfect target for the hunger. It was especially strong in the beginning before the emotional complexity complicated things and muted it. I got … [...Read More]

Loves: 8
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Snippets of bambi

I wrote about how I am trying to figure out why it feels strange to write about bambi, but I still want to do it because those moments gave me something lovely, even if they were only fleeting.

So here they are: random snippets of heat and beauty…

He sweetly fell asleep early one evening, one wrist still cuffed to the bed. I was not tired yet, I watched him for a little while, then left him to sleep. I wandered in to pet him every now and then. He would snuffle softly when I touched him, dead … [...Read More]

Loves: 18
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Writing about moments

I want to write more about bambi, snippets of hot sweetness, things that make me smile, but it feels weird. I can’t quite put my finger on why. I have never had trouble writing about boys and sweetness after the fact before.

Maybe because it’s done, it feels like I am romanticising something that didn’t work out, something that is best left in the ‘oh well’ box. It feels a little sad, and I don’t mean sad as in ‘it hurts my heart’, but sad as in ‘geez, move on already, that’s pathetic…’

But I have moved on, we both … [...Read More]

Loves: 6
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Bambi post-mortem

Bambi
So this is the ‘what happened’ post.

Firstly let me say that Bambi is fucking lovely. Seriously. He’s adorable and smart and sweet and willing and funny and sexy and passionate and quirky and pretty and and… *shrug*… all sorts of good things.

We just… didn’t work together.

Intellectually and emotionally, we got nothin’. We talked about it, were both frustrated by it, mused about ways to fix it, but we just didn’t fit together.

Intellectually, we didn’t fire each other up. One of the things I want in a partner is someone who I find endlessly fascinating, and … [...Read More]

Loves: 15
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Exercise, emotions and sex

At the beach, 17 May
At the beach, 17 May

A body project check-in… As a spoiler, I have not been doing so great in the last couple of months since I last updated on March 18. Note the consolation beach photo instead of a bicep photo (which I haven’t had the desire to take in case it’s demotivating!).

Read on to find out what’s been going on…

I am in a privileged position with my body project because I have the freedom and time to do what I want when I want, so building a routine and habits that support what I want to … [...Read More]

Loves: 12
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Things we did and things we did not do…

Play with bambi

Things we did: A list.

  • kissing
  • body washing
  • flogging
  • tease and denial
  • short term chastity
  • caning
  • paddling
  • spanking
  • edging
  • arse play
  • punching
  • nipple clamps
  • more kissing
  • bondage (rope)
  • cuffs & clips
  • body worship
  • wartenberg wheel
  • toenail polish
  • blindfold
  • wrestling
  • domestic service
  • biting
  • more kissing
  • sex (oral, PIV, hand jobs, fingers)
  • cuddling
  • cock sucking (Realdoe)
  • petting
  • face slapping
  • hair pulling

Things we did not do: A list.

  • more of ALL of the above: harder, different, softer, sideways, backwards, longer, slower, faster, more intense, MOAR… JUST MOAR…
  • … also, loads of OTHER stuff…

*pouts*

ETA:

More things we … [...Read More]

Loves: 12
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