How to be demanding

I’m going to try really hard not to get all ranty-mcranty here, but I can’t promise anything.

I’m only going to tackle one tiny piece of this because this is a slice of the ‘not dominant enough’ pie, which is as big as the entire world, it seems.

New dominant women exploring D/s relationships often struggle with ‘demanding things’ from their submissive. They don’t know how to do it, and it often makes them feel … Continue Reading

Loves: 40
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Which strap-on harness?

I mentioned in this post that I have two strap-on harnesses. I’ve since had a few women ask me which they are and what I think of them, so I thought I’d write a post to talk about it.

Firstly, I have to stress that I am not some sort of pegging ‘expert’: I have no special knowledge or insight, and I really haven’t tried a lot of harnesses. I’m just sharing my experience in … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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When your submissive says ‘no’

© Dec 2019 update: New guide available now: How To Handle Disobedience

A blog post by Die Starke Frau prompted me to write this response because I see in her writing a struggle that a lot of new Dommes have: What do you do when your submissive disobeys?

She said:

One thing that definitely throws me off balance is when the man is refusing to submit. When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then,

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Loves: 33
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Real Dommes don’t…

I am recycling my own words for this post. I do that you know, because I am lazy (if you had read my ‘About Me‘ secret confessions, you would know this already…).

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Stabbity wrote a great post here about how ‘real Dommes don’t have sex’, which prompted me to comment thusly:

You kind of touched on this, but didn’t QUITE hit it in the heart. Some Dommes fear losing control when they Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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‘Topping from the bottom’ is bollocks!

‘Topping from the bottom’ (TFTB – yes, truly, I am that much of an acronym geek!) is a term used to describe a situation where a submissive attempts to control the play, the dynamic or the relationship from their submissive position.

It’s a common phrase that has been, and continues to be, abused by all and sundry. It has essentially become a term to cover anything and everything that falls under the umbrella of ‘the … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Do as I say, not as I do…

I am somehow obsessed with advice for newbies at the moment… I am not sure why… perhaps because I communicate with quite a few of them and I want them to have good experiences, to be successful, to find their bliss (yes, I know, that was too corny to be believed! Deal with it!).

Things I recommend to newbies are not necessarily things that I do myself. Yes, I am a hypocrite…

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Loves: 6
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You iz doin’ it wrong!

There are a gazillion ways to do it, to have aspects of dominance and submission (D/s) in your life and in your relationship. Each is so different that you may as well be talking apples and gorillas when you discuss it with people with whom you allegedly have a fundamental commonality.

Mine is a very specific type of D/s. It is a romantic relationship with all that that entails in the vanilla world, but I … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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