Which strap-on harness?

I mentioned in this post that I have two strap-on harnesses. I’ve since had a few women ask me which they are and what I think of them, so I thought I’d write a post to talk about it.

Firstly, I have to stress that I am not some sort of pegging ‘expert’: I have no special knowledge or insight, and I really haven’t tried a lot of harnesses. I’m just sharing my experience in case it’s useful, and I’m hoping you will share yours also.

When I first wanted to try a strap-on, I had a single aim with … Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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When your submissive says ‘no’

A blog post by Die Starke Frau prompted me to write this response because I see in her writing a struggle that a lot of new Dommes have.

She said:

When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then, out of the blue, the man does not obey.

Note: I am not talking about playful disobedience here. I am talking about a serious refusal. No joking around, no fun. Just a “Nah… this does not turn me on. This is not hot to me. I am not interested

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Loves: 21
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Real Dommes don’t…

I am recycling my own words for this post. I do that you know, because I am lazy (if you had read my ‘About Me‘ secret confessions, you would know this already…).

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Stabbity wrote a great post here about how ‘real Dommes don’t have sex’, which prompted me to comment thusly:

You kind of touched on this, but didn’t QUITE hit it in the heart. Some Dommes fear losing control when they come, because, you know, Dommes must always be in complete control, cold, steely eyed, blah blah etc.

So, what that thought boils down to is … Continue Reading

Loves: 2
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‘Topping from the bottom’ is bollocks!

‘Topping from the bottom’ (TFTB – yes, truly, I am that much of an acronym geek!) is a term used to describe a situation where a submissive attempts to control the play, the dynamic or the relationship from their submissive position.

It’s a common phrase that has been, and continues to be, abused by all and sundry. It has essentially become a term to cover anything and everything that falls under the umbrella of ‘the submissive is doin’ it wrong’. It is even used to describe a submissive’s behaviour when the Domme and sub aren’t even in a relationship yet!Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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Do as I say, not as I do…

I am somehow obsessed with advice for newbies at the moment… I am not sure why… perhaps because I communicate with quite a few of them and I want them to have good experiences, to be successful, to find their bliss (yes, I know, that was too corny to be believed! Deal with it!).

Things I recommend to newbies are not necessarily things that I do myself. Yes, I am a hypocrite…

  • Want to meet BDSMers? Go to a munch.

(I haven’t been to a munch in over 15 years, I am not part of any community, I don’t know Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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You iz doin’ it wrong!

There are a gazillion ways to do it, to have aspects of dominance and submission (D/s) in your life and in your relationship. Each is so different that you may as well be talking apples and gorillas when you discuss it with people with whom you allegedly have a fundamental commonality.

Mine is a very specific type of D/s. It is a romantic relationship with all that that entails in the vanilla world, but I am the dominant partner in all aspects of the relationship.  At its simplest, that means that I have the final say in things that involve … Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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