This post is sparked by Nlikes recent post where he put up pictures of a gorgeous woman he has a long distance communication going with.
In a similar way, I like to show off what’s mine. Even if it’s not really mine. Or only mine in a sense or for a little while. It’s not just about appreciation, though there is that certainly. ‘Appreciation’ is just “Look, here’s a thing, isn’t it nice?”: Its relationship to ME is irrelevant.
Showing off what’s mine is wrapped up in ego and vanity and a level of proprietary *ownership* that has a feeling of “You can look, I WANT you to look, but yeah, it’s MINE” pridefulness going on around it. It’s different from the normal pride I have when someone I know has done something amazing and I tell everyone – that pride is about sharing goodness, it’s a less selfish kind of pride. This kind feels immature in a lot of ways.
I actually felt a similar thing when I had my ex-boy write on the blog: I love how he writes so much I could bathe in it. “Look, look… MINE!”
In my head, it feels like I put them on display, with a fence around them. And I’m ready to protect the fence. You can step *this* close, and no closer. Look, but don’t touch. Speak about, but not to. Flirt around, but not with. BECAUSE I WILL CUT YOU!! *laugh*
And there are degrees of it. I draw lines, arbitrarily and at my whim. The pretty thing sent me lots of photos, and he glowed when I showed him off. He’d have been happy enough if I had shared more. But the outside world can only have so much. The rest is just for me. Really, it’s mine. MINE. You can’t have it, see it, touch it, breathe on it… MINE!
Those other bits though: Holy fuck, I know right? MINE!