I will probably write more about bambi in the days to come, but in the meantime, this is really just a catch-up post.

Bambi left on Wednesday. It’s now Saturday.

I’m doing okay.

I expected to fall into a big messy pit of badness, but so far, I’m fine.

It feels wrong to say “I’m fine”, as if it’s a mean or disrespectful thing to say somehow. As if it is an insult to bambi. It’s not.

What I expected was to have a flurry of released emotions after he left, for all of them to just come tumbling out and I would be forced to pick through them and try and shove them back in the drawer to manage them. I could feel the sadness bubbling under the surface while he was here, and I almost wonder if I worked so hard to keep it at bay that I buried it too deeply for it to come out now.

Or it could be that I am in ‘introvert-recovery-mode’ right now. Bambi was here for a month, and for a serious introvert like me, that was a *lot* of social energy I had to bring for a sustained period. If we had ‘worked’ as a couple, that energy would not have been draining, but since we didn’t, it was something I had to generate, and that’s a lot of emotional work. So maybe I am just too emotionally tired to feel much of anything right now.

I am not deliberately examining what happened just yet. Maybe when I hold all that up to the light, those sad emotions might come to the fore. But right now, they are quiet. I’m not sorry. I am happy to let them lie for the moment.

As for my post-bambi self care: I’ve been allowing myself junk food, I’ve not been going to the gym, I’m pottering about the apartment doing domestics (yesterday I cooked!), I’m putting away toys, doing washing. I’m not doing anything I don’t feel like doing. I am being gentle with myself.

On a more amusing note, I used cotton ropes with figure-of-eight knots to restrain bambi. I took them off the bed today to put them away. The physical stress he put those knots under while violently struggling against them means they are NEVER coming undone. Not ever *laugh*. Fun.

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    1. *laugh* Awww, you sentimental thing! No.

      I could have kept them with knots still in them because they were at the right spots for an ‘under the bed’ bondage setup, but the knots had become messy and uneven and it offended my sense of order.

      I am NOT a control freak!!!

      But I managed to salvage some lengths worth keeping by cutting off the knots where they were at the ends.


  1. Good to hear you are doing ok *hugs* Self care is so important, nice to hear you are allowing yourself some time to recoup :)

      1. Did you just say chocolate is important?
        I see chocolate in your near future.
        Olive&Sinclair to the rescue!

      2. *smile* I DID say that!

        I am waiting on chocolate to arrive like magic from the heavens (or perhaps from a lovely man…) ANY MINUTE NOW!… okay… NOW!!!…


        Soon *tap tap tap*.


  2. I did a bit of a double-take when I read that you were cleaning up the ropes.

    My girlfriend and I don’t have very formal roles at all, but while everything else depends on her mood, the one thing that’s always been consistant is that it’s my job to clean up the toys. So it’s something I guess I take for granted.

    It’s a very silly reaction on my part. I found it funny enough though that I thought I’d share

    1. *smile* I like the cartoon-ish image of a double take.

      I did normally have bambi clean toys, but not put away. Firstly, I am quite particular about how I store my things and showing him that wasn’t a priority, and secondly, I just left everything out and handy (read: strewn about) for the duration in case I wanted it at any given moment.

      The ropes were around the bed for the entire time he was here and we used them right before the the trip to the airport… *smile*… so… yeah. Not really practical to have him deal with them.

      But sometimes, if he is still tied up, or sleepy, or all cosy, and I want him to stay in that state, if I am restless, I will do the clean and tidy myself *gasp!… laugh*.


  3. *hugs you* Glad you are being gentle and kind to yourself. Have some ice cream and/or a bottle of wine and curl up with a good book or movie and imagine all your internet friends are cuddled on the couch with you.

    1. *hug* I not only had ice cream and champagne, I also had chocolate and doughnuts and cheese and chips and popcorn and more champagne and and… *junk food coma*


      Twitter followers can watch me whine and complain when I try to get back into my gym/clean eating routine next week… It will be a treat, I promise…


  4. I find red chocolate wine from the ‘Chocolate Shop’ does wonders during self-care times. Maybe they have something like it down under. ;)

    ~ Vista

  5. Chocolate cures EVERYTHING this is a medical fact*
    *pet pets Ferns all kindly and such* Yay for the good stuff Boo Hiss to the not good stuff


    * this is not a fact in the generally accepted sense of the word…. It’s more like a big fat fib really

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