Some whine? Don’t mind if I do…

I’m in kind of a slump. I’ve been here before, it will pass, but talking about it is better than not talking about it I guess.

Being slumpy makes me not want to do things that I know will help me lift out of the slump because my brain goes ‘But I don’t waaaaaannnt to’ like a three year old. So it’s a self perpetuating slump. A never ending circle of slumpiness. Slumposity (they are so real words!).

Working on my ‘How To’ Femdom Series is helping some. Having a project to work on that I care about is good for my brain. It forces me to fire things up. The lovely folks on my mailing list already have a copy of the first book, so there is actual proof that I’m doing *something* other than hiding in a hole. A public release will be coming soon, just ironing out some glitches.

Along those same whiny lines, I have had a shoulder injury for more than 6 months now (I’m too scared to really look up how long I’ve had it, I’m thinking it’s closer to 12 or 18 months). I’ve been to the doctor, two physios, a myotherapist, had scans (no tears or identifiable damage), cortisone, needling, and am currently seeing a chiropractor. Please do me a favour and don’t tell me in the comments how to fix it: it’s well meant, I know, but it’s also irritating as fuck.

The injury has sapped me of any motivation to get to the gym because upper body work is pretty much off the table. I’m still doing pilates twice a week, so I’m not schlepping on the couch but my body is not happy with me. I feel ‘blergh’, you know that feeling? BLERGH-slobby-heavy-sluggish. Yeah, that. The irony of that feeling is that I never did any exercise EVER for my entire life (it’s a new thing in the last few years) and I always felt fine. Now I have created a body-monster that accuses me with narrowed eyes when I don’t give it enough attention.

Next week I’m starting a ’10 week challenge’ at my gym. It’s a murderous regime rife with the potential for injury, but I need an external kick to push me out of this physical and mental space. I’ve told them I’m injured and they have assured me they will work around it. They will give me a body scan before and after to assess results, I will get an eating and training plan, a personal training session, four group training sessions a week, and supplements to suit. I’m exhausted just writing it out. But I think I need it. Like a smack upside the head.

I feel a bit like everything inside me is empty and I need to fill it up, and I fear that there is a black hole in there that I can slip into if I don’t get out of my own head a bit. Doing something challenging that takes up physical and mental space and that I can legitimately whine about seems like a reasonable option.

Did I mention that the first group session is at 6am. What the fuck time even is that?! FFS!!

So here’s the first anticipatory whine: “But I don’t waaaaaannnnttt toooo *throws tantrum*.”

Addendum: Please don’t worry too much. It will pass and in the scheme of things it’s no big deal. Sometimes I just need to be a whiny bitch.

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  1. The reason you are in a slump is because you haven’t answered my e-mails. It will only get worse until you do.

  2. Being in a slump is part of life, but even a shitty shoulder injury shouldn’t stop you trying to be who you really are.

    When your shoulder is fucked (I’ve been there) you can still knock back gin and … err … point at motherfuckers … which leads me to think that your shoulder isn’t the core problem.

    “I feel a bit like everything inside me is empty and I need to fill it up, and I fear that there is a black hole in there that I can slip into if I don’t get out of my own head a bit.”

    I think a good many of us who read your website understand how you feel, and know what this means. What you should do, however, is find a professional to speak to and do so earnestly.

  3. We shall worry, of course, but not too much, because you said not to.

    I know you said,”no shoulder recommendations” but whenever I visited my Polish grandmother, she always served us kids cookies then snuck brandy shots. She NEVER had shoulder problems so – cookies and brandy (or champagne) are the obvious remedy.

    You could ignore that advice, but I don’t know why you’d want to.

    6am? Is that legal?

    1. Cookies and brandy sounds like a very reasonable reaction. Though of course with this new 10 week challenge I am only allowed gruel and water.


  4. My new partner suggested I see a personal trainer. I have been obese all my adult life and thought only elite athletes like you went to personal trainers. My partner knew of a trainer who’d worked with very overweight women my age so I set up a consultation with him last May. Best. Decision. Ever.

    I have lost 40 lbs. (still about twice as much to go), I now sleep without snoring and my doctor has cut back my diabetes medication. Since the holidays I’ve been on a weight loss plateau due to meh eating habits, so I’m ready to give the weight loss a renewed push. But going to my trainer has kept me on the work-out track. Some people say, well, I’ll do it since I’ve already paid for it. The money doesn’t motivate me. I know I would die of embarrassment if I called Rich and said, I don’t feel like coming in today.

    So I sure get the motivation thing. And my educated guess is that your challenge is going to be great. Fingers crossed that the shoulder thing works itself out soon!

    1. “elite athletes like you”

      *laughs and laughs… nods very seriously…* Yes yes, just like me :P.

      The truth is I got lucky with my good Dutch genes and know enough to (mostly) keep to good eating habits, but after a ‘certain age’ my genes need a bit of help. Exercise of any sort is really new to me in the last few years.

      “I have lost 40 lbs. (still about twice as much to go), I now sleep without snoring and my doctor has cut back my diabetes medication.”

      Wow! That is a huge achievement, and those results are amazing. Congratulations!

      I absolutely see the value of external help: I am, at heart, a lazy cow and my motivation is tetchy. I’ve nursed this injury for months and months and I’m slipping backwards and I don’t like it one bit. I need a proper kick up the arse and I’m really no good at doing that for myself.


  5. 6AM? Are you nuts? You’ll need a nap later. Lack of sleep makes me cranky.

    I’m in a slump too–winter, and too much boring stuff to do. Plus politics, always so depressing.

    Need a book recommendation? (Or: reading anything good? That helps.)

    But thanks for the face slap gif. I couldn’t stop looking at it. More face slapping for less blues.

    1. I KNOOOWWWW!!

      Full disclosure: I did not make the 6am class. It was a HUGE stretch, PLUS I have Pilates at 9.15am on that same day so it was more ‘musing’ than realistic.

      I’m re-reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Atwood. I read it many years ago, but have forgotten.

      And you’re welcome (she slaps him twice in that scene: she’s really good at it!).


  6. I’d leave a supportive comment but I just keep watching the slapping gif… and wondering if your shoulder injury would slow that arm down.

    I hope the gym helps get you back to a good place. And congrats on the new How To book!

    And allow me to formally apologize for our new President for blackening the mood of most of the world. He is our black hole here.

    1. My injury is on the left and I’m right handed, so I’m good :P.

      I’m hoping the gym helps also. And thank you for the congrats *smile*.

      He is the blackest of holes, yes. How many times can you go ‘WTF?!’ (apparently the answer is ‘infinity’).


  7. Ah, slumps. Those are never any fun.

    If it helps you get out of your slump, you could always blindfold me, we could make out and you could bang my head into the wall as much as you like. ;)

  8. Warning: “Cheesy” comments in response to your “wining” follow. Sorry to hear about your recent woes, sounds like quite a burden to “shoulder”.

    Ok ok, I’ll stop it with the puns now, but will confess that I got some enjoyment out of your post. Not for sadistic reasons of course (laughs nervously) but just the sheer enjoyment of reading “Les chronicLAYs” once more. Your writing style always brings a smile to my dial.

    Get better soon and all that, eh, what???


  9. Everyone deserves their whiny moments, but i don’t think you were that whiny to begin with…. Telling us not to worry though… have you ever told someone they are not allowed to laugh, just to see them end up rolling on the floor in tears because of all the laughing? We care about you, so much that i am even daring to speak for others as well as myself.
    Ofcourse everything will pass, but that doesn’t mean that right now you feel blegh, and you are allowed that. Lots of carefull hugs with some champagne.

    1. *smile* Thank you for the hugs and for the worry.

      The addendum was really because I know people DO worry and I didn’t want it to seem worse than it was (is) and end up having some worry-bukkake going on all up in here (made myself laugh with that :P).

      I do appreciate the good thoughts, thank you.


      1. Even if Eeyore is gloomy, he’s still just adorable.

        Makes me want to love him and hug him and pet him and oh, George can I keep him George, please can I?

        (Yes, that’s a looney tunes character I’m channeling there, if you don’t recognise it, which in turn hints back to Lenny from “Of mice and men”).

  10. Nearly choked on a chip here at your ‘worry-bukkake’. Too funny. Always happy to help with some merciless online scrabble. Or some Tim Tams. Oops probably not in your gruel diet so I’ll just finish them. :)

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