Reader Q&A: How to reject someone

So I just had a scene with a perfectly nice sub boy, after which he left all smiles and eager to do it again, and I felt … kind of awful and have no interest in seeing him again. I don’t know why, nothing went wrong, and it’s never been an issue with previous people, so that’s upsetting in itself, but now I’m feeling weird and awkward about how to tell him there will be no more, especially when he had such a great time and I don’t think was at all aware that I was having a ‘nice but not great’ time.

Any suggestions?

Rejecting someone is hard, but that’s life and there’s no way to avoid it (either on the giving OR receiving end). Best case is when neither of you feel ‘it’ and you both just know, and mutually drop it, but that’s pretty rare and from what you’ve said, it seems unlikely that’s going to happen.

My advice: Be as kind and honest as possible, but keep it short.

I suggest some version of “I really enjoyed playing with you, but I’m not feeling the chemistry I need to feel to take it any further.”

If you think it might help him deal, especially if he’s new and unsure, you can add some reassurance that it’s nothing he did or didn’t do, that sometimes it just goes that way. Don’t offer to be friends unless you truly were friends before: If it’s one-sided, I find that thread of hope pretty much always leads to badness in the form of a ‘no really for real’ second rejection and more hurt later down the track.

My lovely readers might have some other suggestions.

Best of luck to you both.


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  1. I’d go with Fern’s view “it was fun but I didn’t feel that it would serve it any purpose for us to continue as it would not work out well for either of us”

  2. “I wanted you to know that while I think you are a fine submissive/person (whichever seems appropriate since presumably both were true) I’m not interested in doing this again. Thank you for the experience and I really do wish you the best of luck in finding someone compatible.”. Kinda gets the ” because I’m not that someone” out in the open.

  3. Based on my experiences and the aftermath, as hard as it is to have a relationship cut off, it is far better (in the long run) to have it cut off early and unambiguously, than to linger.

    It doesn’t feel like that at the time (I am an eternal optimist, so it always tells me there is a chance things can indeed work out), but with hindsight, it has always been better.

    1. I agree. I’m pretty good at calling it if it’s going nowhere, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

      Hurting people sucks and it’s hard, but there is this fallacy that letting it drag on is somehow ‘kinder’. To me, it’s no more than a justification for cowardice.


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