Lifting out

Creative Commons BY-SA 4.0 mark'Passion fruit' by Paul Munhoven

Hauling myself out of a slump is tricky. If I try too hard, I rail against myself like I somehow want to see me fail. It’s ridiculous, and yet it’s true. I mentioned that I signed up to this 10 week challenge at my gym which is meant to be all full-on, and it can be, but given I’m a bit broken I’m taking it relatively easy. What it’s about for me is having an external goal to think about vs just rattling around inside my own head like some demented ferret. […]

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Mid morning coffee (or ‘bad date ideas’)

I went on another vanilla date. This is (only) my second off a vanilla dating site. I talked about the first already. In my defence of non-dating, I was caught up with the cougarling soon after that so it was moot. I invited him out without much preamble in line with my ‘immersive dating’ attempts. He had interesting photos, […]

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(non)Adventures in vanilla dating

Despite my best efforts, I have not yet lined up any more dates other than my last. And by ‘best efforts’, I mean ‘I invited men who I thought were even marginally interesting to go out with me’. That number is not high, but it’s more than zero and is a huge departure from my normal process where I won’t meet anyone until I genuinely and absolutely think there is real potential. […]

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Post vanilla date action

Trying to date takes up all of my writerly energy (not even dating, just trying to date). I’m not sure why that is really. It’s not like I’m spending hours a day thinking up witty replies to stellar messages. Most of the emails that land in my inbox are about the same level of lame one liner as I’ve already mentioned in this post. […]

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My first vanilla date

His introductory email was thoughtful and articulate. He’d not only read my profile, but he had also looked through my many Q&A responses and his note referenced both. He was 6’2, a little younger than me, no photos. I suggested we meet after a few exchanges. This must be a new record for me. My new strategy: ‘Dating immersion’. […]

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Boxes of memories

I have boxes that I move from one place to the next, leaving them unpacked and unused. They contain my journals from the days when my triumphs and failures were written down painstakingly by hand. Endless pads and notebooks lie untouched in there. They also contain photo albums of yore, from the days when you had to take film into the camera shop and have them developed, […]

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Vanilla vs D/s interactions

The truth is that I am harsher with men in my vanilla interactions than I am with men in my D/s ones. It’s not conscious really, it’s instinctive, but it’s absolutely true. With submissive men that I am interested in, I trust that their heart is in the right place, that they are genuinely trying, that any issues will be easily and quietly rectified if I say a word or raise an eyebrow. […]

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Besties

It must have hurt like hell, but I can’t remember.  My best friend of my teen years. We were inseparable. A set. Always the two of us. Our names running together as if we were one whenever anyone talked about us, invited us anywhere, was looking for us. “Where’s SharynEnMaria?” “Are MariaEnSharyn coming?” She was the funny one: social and likeable. […]

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Sharing fantasies

NaBloWriMo[SubmissiveGuyComics is also doing a post for our NaBloWriMo project, though he’s hiding some of them on Twitter so if you aren’t following him, you should… ]   “We should write each other our hottest fantasy,” I said, triumphant at my brilliant idea. I was in my mid-20s, in a wonderful relationship with a vanilla man who I loved madly. […]

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