Archive for the ‘tom’ Category
I’m at the airport, waiting with my father for a flight to come in.
There is a boy sitting across and a few seats to the right, facing me. I look at him, he looks back at me frankly. I have sunglasses on, I am not sure if my stare is obvious. There is no smile on either side.
He is kind of beautiful, lean, early 30s maybe, a clean attractive face, short hair, sideburns, casual business attire. He doesn’t read or amuse himself with a phone, he just sits there quietly.
My father is speaking to me, we talk quietly, I keep stealing glances at the boy, occasionally we seem to just look at each other, expressionless, like creatures feeling each other out, giving nothing away. It is odd and I am not sure if he is looking past me or at me, I prickle a little under it.
I take my business card out of my wallet, slip it into the back pocket of my jeans, I am thinking of passing it to him, I wonder if he is maybe younger than I guessed, I wonder if he is too young. My father is still speaking, irrelevancies, pleasantries.
The boy gets up, walks past me to the bin, he is tall, I watch him move, a saunter, a little self consciousness, sweet.
The plane we are waiting for arrives, finally. My father and I go to the gate, he is still talking to me, I excuse myself for a moment.
I go back to where the boy is still sitting, he looks up with a question mark on his face as I approach. I lean down to him, uncomfortable proximity for a stranger.
Very softly I whisper, “I just wanted to say out loud that you are beautiful…”
I don’t linger, I don’t give him my card, I step back and catch a very quick glimpse of the shock on his face, his mouth curled into a puzzled smile, lips parted as if he might say something… I turn and walk away from him.
I get back to the gate with a huge grin on my face, my father looks at me oddly but doesn’t ask, and we wait for the passengers to come down the walkway.
Hello InterestingManWhoMightNeedaCuteNickIfThisGoesAnywhere,
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate it, and I do understand. The way I do things will not suit everyone, in fact I would venture to say it suits very few.
Thank you also for the time you have spent corresponding with me, you have been very open throughout and I know that was asking a lot.
I think you have a lot to offer the right woman and wish you the very best in finding what you are looking for.
Ferns
So, what happened? My pace was too slow for him, he honestly and forthrightly said it wasn’t working for him. That’s fair enough, and kudos to him for saying so.
It was more than just that, though. There was no real connection, as I mentioned earlier, the correspondence was not really firing for either of us. I was persevering *despite* that because he did seem to genuinely be a lovely man with a lot of good qualities, and I thought we might still get there. He thought that moving forward faster would fix it. I have enough experience and know myself well enough to know that it wouldn’t…
I have a view, unshakeable, that correspondence with a potential should be joyful, light and fun and exciting. It should be a delight for both of us… it should have that thing… that thing… you know, *that thing*… when you squirm with pleasure because there is another message from them and it makes you laugh and challenges you and makes you itch to respond and hits those parts of your brain that fire up yearning and intense curiosity. That, in and of itself, is pure pleasure of the kind that holds potential and if it’s there, then there is no reason to rush past it as if it’s something that is in the way of the bigger prize. In this case, it just wasn’t there.
It’s a shame, but so it goes.
A few weeks ago, I received an email on CM from a local switch whose profile included the fact that he “leans towards the dominant side”. Despite it clearly being a form letter that may as well have been addressed to “Dear Recipient”, it had a line in it that made me laugh, and I was curious enough to respond with more than just a ‘no thanks’. I asked him why a switch with primarily dominant tendencies would be contacting a dominant woman, and suggested that perhaps he would be better off with a submissive who could service top (see how very helpful I am?). He responded with intelligence and some self examination about his motives.
We are still emailing.
I asked him to stop reading this blog so that I would have a little freedom to share, just in case it turned into something I wanted to write about. I assume he has complied (if you are reading this, you *must* know that I will be able to tell, right? The magic of internet stats and smarts will do you in!).
So, what have I learned so far? He is a newbie, a hopeless romantic, realistic in his expectations, practical, a successful professional, a father. He gets joy from pleasing his partner, identifies as a strong personality, has been told he is ‘not really submissive’, is big on being treated with respect, on being acknowledged and valued. He is 10 years younger than me. He says many of the right things, he is letting me lead the pace, he is rather ‘normal’, and very appealing on paper.
He stepped over a little threshold with me today and that is what prompted this post. He wants to exchange photos and he wants to move to IM, reasonable requests that I have refused. In my last, I responded with a full explanation of my reasons and a closing note:
When it’s right for me, I will move it along and exchange photos. I have heard you and understand that it’s important to you, I will keep it in mind.
It is this kind of thing that acts as the first glimpse of how he will accept a decision that I have made that he disagrees with. His response was, frankly, rather perfect:
Thank you for taking the time to consider my views and requests (very nicely handled thank you). I am very happy to continue communicating this way… and I must say that you [handled my request] with grace and care, so Thank you.
When my submissive disagrees with me over something, that is exactly what I expect. He states his opinion, I explain my choice, he accepts it with grace, we move on. *ticks another box*
Is this a possible ‘something’? I honestly don’t know yet. I am interested enough to continue, which is huge, however I am also very aware that I can normally *feel it* (you know… ‘it’… IT…) pretty much immediately, the zing-zing, the click, that low level thrum of excitement, that natural joy in bouncing off each other without effort and I am not feeling it with him. I am taking my time to give him a chance to get inside my head to give it the best possible opportunity to be something…
To be continued…
* If there’s another post about this boy, I am obviously going to have to come up with a cute nick… or perhaps I will just use the acronym IMWMNaCNITGA…
dave94 asked about this post:
“How does this end? Do the two overcome their missed connection and ultimately hook-up? Does the experienced domme introduce the shy newbie to the lifestyle and get him to fall for her?”
They are great questions! Tune in next week for… oh wait…
Come sit here by me on the bench while I tell you of my little dilemma…
It is easy to write about a boy I am already in a relationship with, anything I write might give him a further insight into what I am thinking, but it will not be news to him. If I write about something difficult or troubling, I will not do so until we have resolved it.
However, when I am single like I am now, and I meet someone, maybe at a social gathering, and maybe we have a date and maybe we are talking, and maybe it progresses, or doesn’t, I *cannot* write about it until it is resolved either way because he will read about it here, and that is difficult and unfair, and it also influences the outcome in an odd way.
It is rather tricky, really.
So… dilemma.
I do wonder how other bloggers deal with this (dear reader-bloggers, please pipe up!). Are you so anonymous that any potentials are not aware of your blog, so you have the freedom to write what you like without impacting them one way or another? That level of anonymity changes things, gives you a freedom, obviously, but it is not the case with me. Any boy I meet will know of this blog because I link to it from BDSM sites where I make these contacts, so reading about himself here (“What a rubbish date!”… “Oh my, that perfect arse, I just wanted to…” etc) is messy.
Do any of you have this problem, or is it only me who has created this issue for myself?
It is a small group. There is only one unattached Domme there. There is only one single, non-dominant male there, a newbie, maybe not submissive, maybe a fetishist, maybe maybe…
It is inevitable, really, that they would be eyeing each other up…
“Anyone want a drink?” she gets up, looking around the table.
“I’ll come with you…” He pops out of his seat. She smiles at him.
“Me too”, pipes up someone else. She glances at his face, a hint of disappointment.
They talk a little while waiting to order, idle chit chat… work, travel, weather… nothing of consequence.
He sits across from her when they return to the table… conversation flows amongst the small group, talk turns to parties and events. He catches her eye.
“Do you go to these things?”, he mouths at her.
She shakes her head, smiles, mouths, “Oh, hell no!”
He chuckles… nods, a moment of connection.
She finishes her glass of water, considers going inside the cafe for more, plays with her empty glass, watches him out of the corner of her eye. She waits for him to notice and offer, but he doesn’t. She toys with the idea of handing him the glass, “Go and get me some more water, please?”, but she doesn’t. She knows an experienced submissive with the slightest hint of interest in her would have been on it quickly and eagerly. It could be nerves, shyness, disinterest, inattention, inexperience or any number of things.
When she leaves, he shyly asks if he can friend her on a web site they are both on. She jokes with him that she has a list of conditions. Maybe he blushes. It is sweet.
I reach out to your face, you think I am going to pet your cheek, I do that, pet your cheek, or cup your jaw gently or just touch your face, just to touch. I don’t pet you though, this time… I cover your face with my hand, it is an odd kind of claiming, you are awkward under it, waiting for… something.
The heel of my hand against your chin, my thumb and pinkie splayed over your cheeks, the other fingertips touching your forehead, your eyes. I can feel your breathing, warm against the palm of my hand, my fingertips move lightly over your skin, a touch to your eyelid, feeling your eye fluttering underneath, moving away to see you peek at me like a child playing.
This melts me, somehow, it is strange and intimate, this covering of your face. I wait for you to try and kiss my palm, but you are still and silent there, patiently watching me, waiting for me to get what I want out of it.
Eventually, I will move my hand to press against your lips, to cover your mouth, to make full contact. I will allow you to kiss my palm, feel your soft lips caress the sensitive skin there, you will close your eyes, and maybe make a sound with the simple pleasure of it. It will make my stomach flip and make me want to press into your face, to feel your skin give, your mouth slightly open as I push against it, your lips moving, and maybe your tongue will slip out and you will lap gently at my slightly salty skin.
And I will try to hold off on pushing harder against you, on grabbing at your face, on tightening my grip, on cutting off your breath… I will try, I will… and for a while, I will succeed.
At work, a colleague and I are preparing for a meeting…
Him: Can I go and get a coffee?
Me: *laugh* No.
Him: *disappointed look* Oh… really?
Me: No.
Him: *puppy face* Ok.
Sometimes, work is fun.
Whispered in my ear
Tom Allen on Check my workouts!
And here's another one: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ Phone apps, plus fairly standard calorie tracking tools. Forums, friends list, etc. It's mainly a diet/ weight loss...Ferns on Check my workouts!
Thanks for that, Harlequin. I did look up a bunch of sites (including that one) before I decided on Jefit,...Ferns on Domme: Online training
Ugh, shame that the change in routine interrupted your plans. I know what you mean. Congrats on the new job,...Harlequin on Check my workouts!
You should check out http://www.fitocracy.com It's a site for tracking your exercise and earning points and levelling up. It's a really...Tom "Work It" Allen on Domme: Online training
Actually, if you allow youself one (!) tiny little ice cream sandwich after a workout, it's good recovery fuel.