I’ve only been in love a few times and each time I ‘knew’ it differently. The realisation of love, the clarity of ‘I love you’ arrives for me in different ways. Sometimes a wave of everything that came before just catches up with me, sometimes some piercing emotion that almost lifts me off my feet.
I can romanticise those moments, but the one I remember most clearly, the one that perhaps shocked me the most was so very mundane, so ordinary.
I was in my late twenties, my man and I were at a friend’s place and he was showing us around his guest house. It was a large property, beautiful. I was wandering around, admiring the old world architecture, the view outside to rolling green lawns.
I was in the kitchen. Of course I didn’t cook, was never the domestic type, was only half paying attention to our host when I opened a cupboard, just because. I looked at the plates, I haven’t a clue now what they looked like any more, but had the very boring thought, “When we have our house, THIS is the crockery I want.”
Having a thought about crockery at all was weird enough to cause a brain-flicker, to glitch for a microsecond with a ‘what?!’ But in that moment, I had a flash of our future, loved up and living together, domestic and happy, and it just happened that that plate was the trigger that caused that image to make itself clear in my head.
I had NEVER thought about the future with any previous partners, I just… didn’t do that. Ever. And for it to manifest in such a very ordinary domestic kind of way was a shock in and of itself.
My next thought was ‘oh shit, I love him… OH SHIT, I LOVE HIM!’
It was hardly some ‘hearts and flowers’ kind of Harlequin romance moment, but that’s exactly how it struck me: Standing shell-shocked in someone’s kitchen with a plate in my hand.
Scared the hell out of me to be honest.
If you care to share, I would love to hear your stories of ‘when you knew you were in love’, present or past.