Reader Q&A: Vanilla, young lovelies, cookies

These questions landed in my inbox via my ‘Ask me’ page… Thank you for them! — Dear Ferns,  This is a bit difficult to word so bare with me please (: I have denied my Top side for a very long time.  When I was single I could be quite aggressive sexually and then I met my husband. He opened up a softer side of me and I have become very comfortable letting him lead. […]

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Reader Q&A: Am I being scammed?

I’m newly introduced to potential fem dom /sex slave thing, and after receiving couple email tasks, very hot pictures and a 1min long video clip, I’m tempted to get in. My mistress(she wants me to call her such) is now asking for training kit fee of $1200 for equipment and toys via western union, moneygram or interact -e-transfer. […]

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PSA: Some dominants are arseholes

I hear it a lot when some self-identified dominant behaves like a jerk: “They aren’t dominant, they’re just an arsehole.” It annoys the crap out of me.  Let me let you in on a little secret. Come closer now…  The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I know!! Shocker, right?! Some dominants ARE arseholes. Also emotionally stunted, insensitive, selfish, rude, stupid, […]

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Reader Q&A: How to explain that he wants to be ‘used’

I really want to do a bunch of ‘How to’ posts to cover ‘hints and tips for newbies’ because I see these kinds of questions all the time from both potential submissives and from potential dominants. They’re great questions that many people struggle with in one way or another. Hello. when answering questions you often say to new Dom’s not take the airy fairy stuff like ‘I want to fulfil all your fantasies’ […]

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Reader QnA: How does a sub say no?

How does a sub say no at all. I read you blog entry on what to do if your sub says no but a harder question for a sub is how do you say no. Numerous times I have had very bad experiences because I didn’t feel I could deny my partner.  Recently My Lady put me through a scene that was several hours long. […]

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Supporting your dominant’s dominance

Sometimes submissives ask how they can help their dominant (especially their *new* dominant) become more comfortable in her dominance. Come here, and I will let you in on a secret… Ssshhhh… Ready?  Here it is: Submit! Seriously. Do that. I know it sounds as if I am being cute or something, but I’m not. Do you want to know what I probably needed most from my submissive when I was finding my feet?  A safe space in which to assert myself. To be certain that when I ask for something, […]

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Submission is not passive

Submission is not passive.  I remember a submissive saying to me once “It’s easy for me, I just have to turn up and do what I’m told…” Yeah, good luck with that. Submission is NOT about being passive. If someone chooses ‘submissive’ as a role because they think it absolves them of the responsibility to be an active and enthusiastically functioning participant in a relationship, […]

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Compromise in D/s relationships

I talked in my Masocast interview with the lovely UnspeakableAxe about compromising away happiness, and I’ve had a few private conversations about it since then, so I thought it was worth expanding on. A lot of people seem to start relationships with “Oh, that’s okay, it’s not that important to me” and end up with “What the holy fuck happened here?” There is always compromise in relationships, […]

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