“I want to be an oral slave”

Public domain markfrom Pxhere

Would an oral slave satisfy a domme?
I love and crave facesitting, pussy and ass worship, body worship. Would this alone satisfy a domme?

Imagine, if you will, being on a vanilla site and asking a similar question.

“I love and crave facesitting, pussy and ass licking, body touching and licking. Would this alone satisfy a woman?”

Imagine, if you will, your sister/female friends/any actual-for-real woman you’ve ever met ever reading that, written by a random stranger, in a public forum.

Do you really, genuinely, and truly imagine that a single one of them would go ‘hell yeah, I’m all for that from some random dude, it sounds amazing’?

I’m not being facetious, I’m genuinely asking you to consider the question.

And there’s your answer.

Dominant women are actual-for-real women with actual-for-real feelings/ lives/ expectations/ relationships/ families/ hobbies/ jobs/ desires/ fear/ all of that.

I know: Shocker.

So the very first consideration when talking to or about dominant women is to ask yourself this:

“Is this a perfectly normal and reasonable way to speak to or think about a woman?”

If the answer is “No, but…”, then think again.

Loves: 33
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  1. Fetish and fantasy are realms of the mind and when they enter the corporeal world the difficulties begin. Declaring one thing and doing that thing are so vastly different, but without the declaration, where is the personal thrill? I’m not here to defend this mouth-obsessed missive, but to try to understand the overall dynamic.

    “Would this alone satisfy?” seems to imply other activities are off-limits. Even as a laundry-list annoying conversation, introducing limits seems like a topping-from the bottom mindset.

    Then there is the dynamic that anything proffered is never fully right, never enough, never to fully satisfy a dominant in a power exchange relationship. So of course it’s wrong, even in the world of fantasy to assume x is enough. X is never enough! Did you not get the memo? lol I was lovingly taught by my first Domme that her two favorite words were “Everything” and “more.” I was to pledge one, and she to extract the other.

    But everyone seeks a one-way relationship in the subconscious mind – the relationship where you give what you want to give and receive what you wish to receive and it’s enough somehow. It’s the basis of human thought to satisfy urges, to consummate wishful thinking, to compete a goal even it it is just reaching for a cup of water when one is thirsty. The essential missing element to this urge is real altruism, the desire to actually do for others first, without desire for recognition or reward. Reach for the cup of water to share it first, then worry about one’s own thirst.

    Growing up on a ranch in Tejas taught me to care for the horses first, then for yourself and the other humans second. Yes, the dogs and chicken eat the scraps but the horse gets groomed and fed before one leaves the barn, or sets up the camp fire. It’s complicated. One needs the horse to perform in the morning, so you make allowances and the next day the animal strives to please, and acts to multiply your strength, repaying you with it’s very nature but under strict control. A little wildness always creeps in and any good hand will tell you they prefer a horse with spirit to one that is broken by cruelty or boredom. I can’t apply this dynamic to any direct metaphor here, nor would I care to but consider it allegory and you will understand at least a little my thinking when it comes to relationships in general. We help one another because we can, and because it benefits us both but someone holds the reins either firmly or loose given the situation. And in the end it becomes part of the fabric of life, the life we choose and the code we live it by. Never mistreat an animal, but choose the ones you keep around you and let the sorry ones go.

    There is a hierarchy to life that mimics the natural world. But the moment we form a society, or enter a relationship, the greater good supersedes the desires of just one. Myself, I want to serve and to belong. How that happens is a very fluid thing and frankly less my business to dictate, but instead the thing to intuit, provide and adjust as needed.

    1. I’m not trying to diss on your view of submission, I just see it pretty differently.

      In fact with the oral obsessed submissive/fetishist, all power to them knowing what they want. I see nothing wrong in knowing your limits and presenting them and letting someone else decide if it’s incompatible. That’s not topping from the bottom, it’s open communication and owning your own needs and limits. If other things are off limit fine, be upfront about it and let the other person decide if that’s what they want. Topping from the bottom would be constantly manipulating to get what you want, changing the ground rules mid-play, bossing around and arguing with things you’ve already agreed to.

      If someone is incredibly restrictive and focussed on one thing (even if its something someone else enjoys in certain situations) and its mostly self-centered because this thing gets them off then fine. They just have to be realistic that in the crap-shoot of finding someone they’ve reduced the odds to nearly impossible. Statistically, there might be someone out there that wants this, but the chances of finding them in a locale near you are near zero.

      So if they have this narrow mindset or you have a niche fetish then fine, just expect things to be really really hard and don’t whine about why no one wants to do this and its unfair or no one gives you a chance when you just want to please them. Don’t blame them for what they want. Don’t argue with them ‘but you like oral’ when its perfectly understandable that they may love oral but with someone they love and have a full-rounded relationship and sex-life with.

      I could never be in a relationship where everything was not enough or fully right. That would just destroy me. I want to be beautiful in their eyes, I want what I am and can do to be accepted and enjoyed as its me. I want them to revel in what I am and not what I can’t be or what kind of play just doesn’t work for me. I want them to expect my best but understand those times when I am exhausted or sick or just not in a good place. I want them to seek the best out of me as much out of a motivation of them wanting me to live my life to the best as any other reason.

      1. Puppykitty, you said,
        “In fact with the oral obsessed submissive/fetishist, all power to them knowing what they want. I see nothing wrong in knowing your limits and presenting them and letting someone else decide if it’s incompatible.”

        Sure. But. I suspect in the particular instance this man was being disingenuous. WHY, one wonders, is oral sex the only thing on offer. I imagine there’s one of two explanations: the man dislikes PIV for some reason, or he’s impotent. So instead of “revealing” his preference or other ability to a potential partner he tarts it up by giving it the fancy name of “oral slavery”. He’s setting up a fake persona from the get-go. This isn’t about a limit, or a preference, or getting to know one another, or building a relationship; it’s about seizing control in a dishonest way from the get-go.

        cw from tejas, you wrote about fantasy vs. reality. You make a good point — about men. I think women often see things differently.

        It’s became clear to me when I first entered the public scene a couple decades ago that most men online have absolutely no intention of making kink a routine part of their lives. Fantasy, discussion groups and porn are much easier, safer, more fun and less threatening than actually meeting a woman, forming a relationship and integrating kink into everyday life. The part that tricked and flummoxed me for a good while was that many men lie about it. They SAY they want kink for real; in fact, they do not. It took me several experiences that left me hurt and feeling used to twig onto this fact.

        Some men are happy to engage in kink from time to time if it’s kept safely and completely compartmentalized from their “real” lives — strictly online, with an occasional visit to a ProDomme or to a woman with whom they have no other connection.

        This phenomenon is, I think, the origin in the big disconnect between dominant women and submissive men online, the source of much conflict in discussions: women want relationships that integrate kink and D/s; they can’t accept the idea of engaging in that sort of intimacy with anyone but someone they’re close to. Men prefer to keep kink and D/s well-separated from their lives; the Madonna-whore complex doesn’t permit a “good” woman to engage in “bad” activities with them.

        And the guys who gripe that they’re married to vanilla women? I doubt they’d enjoy having their wives suddenly embrace D/s. Indeed, when they describe what they seek it’s so wrapped up in very specific, long-held fantasies no human woman could possibly shoehorn herself into their vision. I used to fantasize about teaching a class for vanilla wives of submissive husbands. I know now those men couldn’t be satisfied by dominant women; they’re seeking Domme Edition Barbie.

        Yes, I know couples with relationships; I’m in one myself. But they seem rare.

  2. fair enough! A great reply. It’s all so complicated. I like what you said about reducing your chances to finding someone who wants the narrow things you may want. And yes, knowing what you want and desire and being clear about seeking it is vital. ” If you don’t have a dream, how’re you gonna make a dream come true?”

    At the end of the day, acceptance is the thing I want most as well. Being a bit of a freak means that if someone accepts me that way, I can tell myself they really do love me for who I am despite the other flaws and such. But is that fair to put that onto someone? I tend to think so if I am willing to accept their flaws and foibles too. I like the way you put it tho, wanting the best.

  3. Probably we should try to negotiate, but this narrows the possibilities of the dominant too much and it turns out that the slave sets conditions.

  4. “Statistically there might be someone out there who wants this”, sure, but the point here is you don’t lead with this if you’re hoping to actually connect with someone. The premise of this blog entry is that the person posted this out of the blue to strangers. It’s one thing to express your needs, but how about a drink first? Is this really literally the first and perhaps only thing you’d want to know about someone?

    1. I totally agree with you! My reply was completely in response to the other comments ‘“Would this alone satisfy?’ rather than directly addressing the premise of Ferns blog entry (which as always, was awesome).

  5. “Dominant women are actual-for-real women with actual-for-real feelings”
    Wait, I’m real, the hell you say? As for feelings bah ‘umbug. Other than that, yes exactly, can you imagine wandering up to a stranger and blurting that out as an opening line?

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