Reader Q&A: Genderfluidity, LDR to live-in & attraction

Q&A time!

These questions came in from some lovely readers via my Ask Me page. I do love that you ask me things, thank you for them!

In case you sent one in and don’t see it here, no this is NOT all of them… the post got really long, so I saved some for later.

So let’s goooo…


Dear Ferns,

I recently came across your first book while researching for a speech I’m …

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Reader Q&A: Vanilla, young lovelies, cookies

These questions landed in my inbox via my ‘Ask me’ page… Thank you for them!

Dear Ferns,

This is a bit difficult to word so bare with me please (:

I have denied my Top side for a very long time.

When I was single I could be quite aggressive sexually and then I met my husband. He opened up a softer side of me and I have become very comfortable letting him …

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Reader Q&A: Am I being scammed?

I’m newly introduced to potential fem dom /sex slave thing, and after receiving couple email tasks, very hot pictures and a 1min long video clip, I’m tempted to get in. My mistress(she wants me to call her such) is now asking for training kit fee of $1200 for equipment and toys via western union, moneygram or interact -e-transfer.

Is this normal or scam?

She seems very good at what she’s doing in manipulating my mind, …

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Fears of submissive men

Susannah Clary wrote an interesting post about her recent dating experiences where she mused that it’s taking many men into their 40s and 50s to discover and accept who they really are.

That led to her asking these questions:

To my readers who identify as submissive or switch men, how did/do you deal with fear and self-acceptance?
How can I help men I encounter to begin that journey of self-acceptance and overcome their fears?

I …

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Reader Q&A: Risk taking, safe words & nurturing doms

I sometimes shy away from publishing posts that are quite personal. I read and re-read them and tweak and re-tweak them, but in truth what I am doing is stalling while I psyche myself into it. Strange that it should still feel difficult sometimes, even after so long.

So thank you to those who submit questions on my Ask page. You give me an excuse to gently sidestep.


Hello again, Ferns! And thanks

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Reader Q&A: Finding partners, fantasies, BDSM integration

A blessed rest from contemplating my own navel…

Let’s see who’s been hiding all up in my Ask box, shall we?


I’m a 23 year old virgin male who is extremely submissive. Because of this, I have a hard time meeting women and always want them to take the lead (it has never worked). Any advice here? Kind of worried I may never find what I’m looking for.

My advice: Go where the …

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Reader Q&A: Non-romantic D/s, erotica, damage

It’s December. I have just returned from 5 days up in the mountains with family. I have just invited family to stay with me for 3 or 4 days. Then I will spend Christmas day with family.

I love them dearly, but this time of year sucks my very limited social energy up like a huge black hole of suckiness.

Thank you to those who popped a question on my Asks page: you are …

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