The heart of the question

For some reason I’ve had a flurry of emails in my inbox from local submissive men over on Fetlife recently.

I have NO idea why. I’ve done nothing unusual to suddenly be on anyone’s radar. I’ve been there forever, have no sexy pictures, don’t put up ads etc, so my inbox doesn’t attract any significant attention. I normally get either spam or chats relating to my posts. So it’s like someone suddenly put a spotlight on me. Strange.

Most were an eye-rolling level of silliness from grown-arse self-identified submissive men: One sentence from an empty profile with no activity. You know the ones.

“Hi, I’m Dave. I’m new. I like pegging, CBT, oral, nipple torture, [fetishes and more fetishes] and would love someone experienced like you to teach me :).”

Me: “Here you go, Dave. Let me help you out with that. How to Find a Dominant Woman.
You’re welcome.”

The End.

But one 35 year old sent me a wildly complimentary email about my audio porn. He cutely offered his arse if I wanted to do a recording with some spanking in it. It was sweet and funny, I thanked him.

The End.

Or so I thought.

He followed it up by asking if I was looking for a submissive and inviting me out for dinner. Straight up. I normally treat these things as the flights of fancy they are, but he followed up further by reading the link I sent to my personal ad and responding to what I said there. Then he identified himself to me on twitter with his vanilla account, his real name, so full disclosure.

A few little back and forths, and he broached meeting again.

I’m curious if you have a job outside of the sex blogging, but really the heart of the question is “when are you free to meet for a coffee”

We couldn’t line up a time that suited us both last weekend when we were maybe going to be in the same city, so we’re now looking at lunch this weekend. He lives a good two hours away, so he’s making a bit of a trek.

I don’t normally just meet submissives off the internet without doing all the ‘is he a match for me’ type vetting. I’ve spoken about that before. We’ve really done none of that, in fact we’ve hardly communicated at all, which is unusual. But he’s a cutie pie, he had some good little snippets about consent on his profile, and the idea of meeting him is not triggering my inner introvert, so I’m going with it.

I suspect we are probably not a good fit, not least because we aren’t blowing up each other’s devices with all the synapse-firing chatter, but I also expect we will get along just fine, so we will see. He identifies primarily as a rope bottom, and maybe there’s an opportunity to do some rope workshops together if we get along well enough and the logistics aren’t too prohibitive. Also I need a stunt cock for a toy I’m supposed to be reviewing, soooo… :).

Loves: 18
Please wait…

You may also like


  1. “Stunt cock” = S n o r t !

    This may just be my over-romantic-ness going off half-cocked, so to speak, but since I am always cheering for you to find the nearly-perfect boy, I remain hopeful this one sets off a slow burn if not a case of fireworks.

  2. Based on my experience— I met my wife of over 15 years very similarly to the way you write in this post —I can say that meeting without exchanging flirty, fantasy conversations seems to work best.

    We met only after assuring ourselves that there was no real danger and that we seem to have a common interest. We learned about each other the old-fashioned way; by face-to face conversation.

    I’m happy to see that you are giving him a chance without trying to determine sexual/BDSM compatibility in advance. Bravo!

    1. I like light flirty exchanges before meeting: It’s fun, and I love the easy banter of it. That along with establishing a baseline compatibility just saves the wasted social energy. I think if you have boundless social energy (i.e. are middling-to-extrovert), that’s not a consideration and trotting out to meet anyone and everyone is actually enjoyable.

      I do think fantasy can derail intent, absolutely. I know a lot of folks who sext and exchange sexy pictures straight up, and a lot of those never get beyond hookups (or never get to a meeting at all).

      Either way, I’m glad your approach worked for you and your wife :).


  3. It’s probably just a wave of Aussie sub men joining Fetlife. You’re very visible there, then they come here, etc, etc. One thing leads to another.

    And yes, I’m curious about the same thing he is. I imagine kink and d/s won’t figure prominently in the conversation, a good thing.

    For once you’re doing things “my way”. And you’re probably right, it won’t feel like “synapses firing all at once”, when you meet. Just maybe “hmm, not bad–good enough for another meeting.” That’s not a bad way to start. Good luck!

    1. “It’s probably just a wave of Aussie sub men joining Fetlife. You’re very visible there, then they come here, etc, etc. One thing leads to another.”

      Hahahaa. You’re funny. The ones who send those messages don’t come here. But none of them have been new, so it’s not that.

      “For once you’re doing things “my way”.”

      People are always inordinately pleased when I do this :P.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *