As an experiment in doing things differently and meeting a man without establishing that we had any compatibility first, my recent date really turned out much as expected.
I didn’t feel any real connection in our communications leading up to the lunch, and I didn’t feel any when we met.
I know that for some, surprise face-to-face chemistry can spark a forest fire despite not having very much going on before meeting, but this confirms that it’s really unlikely that that’s going to work for me. I know it’s a completely insignificant sample, but given how much I hate meeting people, I’m not planning to do it again.
It was worth giving it a go, just to see how it felt, but how it felt was ‘eh’. In future if I don’t feel excited to be meeting him because our emails/IMs/phone calls have been so wonderfully fun and interesting, I’m just going to drop it.
On another note, and in the interests of expanding my options, I have put a personal ad out there. There is no link to my blog on it (it’s not hard to figure out, but I actually think I am kind of hidden here in my little corner of the internet). I will probably write more about it later. Suffice it to say that I am pleasantly surprised at the quality of responses.
Can’t say I’m surprised that random dating didn’t work. The odds are not good even if they are not insurmountable.
It can take years, and I mean Years, to find someone with whom you have a real cultural, intellectual, and empathetic connection, whether in kink or in plain old vanilla. And combining all that with the right erotic chemistry is not easy. But when you do, you’ll think the wait was worth it.
Personals may be the way forward. I wouldn’t know. I never tried. At least you have the advantage of the Internet these days.
In any event, best of luck.
I agree with you about the ‘years’ thing.
I’ve met all of the men in my life without ever putting out a personal ad. Vanilla men I mostly met through work, and submissives I always met online through good luck and happenstance.
I don’t like the idea of an ad, but since I have essentially had 3 dates in two years (without any of them leading to anything), it seems sensible to try something new.
Thanks for the good luck wishes!
“Suffice it to say that I am pleasantly surprised at the quality of responses”
This is great, and I’m very encouraged by it. I hope it’s not too long before you meet the amazing-awesome boy that someone as wonderful as you deserves!
I’m very encouraged by it also. And of course, I hope for the amazing-awesome also (and thank you for the compliment *smile*)!!
I couldn’t imagine trying to go on dates just to see again. I hate the whole having to go out and meet people too so I need to see some kind of clue something may come of it. I hope your ad works for you and you find who you deserve.
Thanks, I hope it works also.
I wish we could go back and edit comments lol I meant to say that I had been considering doing an ad for a while but I just feel weird doing it and wouldn’t have a clue what to say.
I completely understand feeling weird and not having a clue what to say.
When I decided to do it, I did a search of my 400-odd page ‘random thoughts’ document and found something I had written AGES ago (yay, past-me), so I did a quick edit and I was done.
THIS is why I never delete anything!
Funnily enough, I didn’t notice yesterday when replying to a post I found via a link on your Twitter page that it was a past post, not a new one. But since you graciously acknowledged my reply, I suppose it’s fine to reply to the older posts you link to. Anyway, with regard to the topic. I coudn’t agree more. Had a few similar experiences too. Typically I’m not going to waste time on a face-to-face if I haven’t felt any chemistry during an exchange of texts or phone calls. I think it’s rare that simply meeting someone in person tends to kindle anything amazing if things weren’t already on a slow burn.
Ha! The tweetery for old posts are always prefaced and hashtagged, but my old posts gather cobwebs back here and they deserve love too, so comment away :).
I think that most ‘just meet early’ folks must be extroverts, so it’s genuinely a bit of fun for them to pop out and meet strangers for coffee in the hopes that there’s something there.
For me, not only are the social aspects a huge energy drain, the entirely predictable necessity of having to say ‘no, not interested’ and deal with someone else’s disappointment is also a bunch of emotional energy I don’t want to expend.