Unexpected outing

I went back to the fetish shop yesterday and had the weirdest experience.

The shop owner knows my first name, and I know his, that’s all.  Yesterday, we had this conversation:

Steve: I read your blog the other day… *big smile*

Me: [shocked… how is that possible when all he has is my first name?!] Um… what?

Steve: Yeah, I read your blog.

Me: [wizz… whirr… eh?] How did you know it was me?

Steve: You talked about your visit to the store…

Me: Oh yeah…

Steve: But, you didn’t mention the name!

Me: No, I don’t like to give out specifics on my location… crazy people, you know…

He went into the workshop then to put a rivet in my flogger for me. I wandered about the store while waiting, my mind tick-ticking to try and slot the pieces into place and figure out how this happened. I didn’t give him my nickname, I didn’t mention a blog… nothing… how on earth did this happen?

He returned after a while…

Me: How did you find the blog?

Steve: Someone sent me the link.

Me: You mean because they read that story and thought it sounded like you?

Steve: No, people just send me stuff they think is interesting all the time…

Me: [Great that someone thinks my blog is interesting (yay!), but freakily coincidental that it led to being unexpectedly outed in a casual conversation like this] Oh, okay… that must have been weird, to go there and read about yourself?


I’d add that while I was wandering around the store waiting for Steve to come back, two boys from the workshop next door (where they make the leather goods) wandered into the store one by one for no apparent reason that I could see… We exchanged friendly hellos… I swear they were just checking me out as in “She writes that blog…!” Then again, by that stage, I was feeling kind of paranoid about the whole thing so could have imagined that scenario.

Anyway, hi Steve, and thanks again for fixing the flogger. *wave*

Loves: 1
Please wait…

You may also like


  1. He sounds cool (Hi, Steve!) I’d just give him a quick explanation of your wish to keep out specifics that would give away your identity and/or location. Just to be sure he knows.

    That is weird, though.

    Come to think of it, I emailed a link of this blog to a friend of mine who owns a sex shop and his name is Steve. Wait a minute… ; )

    1. He is cool, yes.

      “Come to think of it, I emailed a link of this blog to a friend of mine who owns a sex shop and his name is Steve. Wait a minute… ; )”

      *laugh* I shall expect more of the same then, from another mysterious Steve…


  2. Nothing particularly “weird” about your second visit there, if you think your local scene connections through.

    You’ve met me and you’ve met Steve Sax, and you know (from the munches you attended and my own blog) that I visit his workshop often as I write for the SAX store blog as well as check out new products for him.

    You and I live in an area with very few fetish stores. I would have recognized who you were writing about in your last post even if I had not recognized the distinctive SAX products in your photo.

    When we visited the workshop a couple of days later I asked Steve about your visit because I was interested in the damaged product you wrote about, as this was unusual for a SAX product. Steve explained the circumstances of that particular product and then asked how I knew about it, so I mentioned your post and at his request, gave him a link to your blog.

    I would not call this being “outed”. That’s a term applied when one’s BDSM identity is uncovered by the vanilla community. Steve Sax is a highly respected long standing member of the Australian scene. It’s always an honor to spend time with him … you should ask him about his memories of the Sydney scene 30 years ago, it’s fascinating.

    He would never “out” anyone. He is completely trustworthy regarding scene privacy issues, both in terms of those who visit his store and those who order from his websites. He would never discuss your identity or mine – or our blogs – with his leather workshop staff, which includes his vanilla son.

    If you think about it, you will see he has in fact already proved that trust to you, in not mentioning my name to you, as the person who provided the link. Even though he knew you and I had met. He preserved my privacy, even though he was probably aware it caused you confusion. He left it up to me to fill in the gaps, which is what this comment is about.

    Feel better?

    1. “Feel better?”

      It feels more logical and less like ‘crazy coincidence’, yes, so thank you.

      “I would not call this being “outed”. That’s a term applied when one’s BDSM identity is uncovered by the vanilla community.”

      I was using ‘outed’ as in ‘I felt outed/ exposed to *him*’ not that he was outing me to anyone. I am not used to having my real name and my nick linked without me knowing, so I have the illusion that I am anonymously walking around in the world. I forget how small the community is!


  3. I would imagine it’s also a bit of an outing for people to be able to track you. Or so I would feel that way… crazy stalker dude in the corner (that one over there) could start camping this guys shop now (Steve Sax you say?) and watch for a lady with fabulous legs and great taste in shoes… jus sayin’…

    (Hi Steve)

  4. Well, at least you were only outed in a fetish shop… that’s like being caught as a model railway blogger in a model railway shop. No harm done, I think. But freaky all the same.

  5. Oops. Yeah, I suppose that must have been weird. I had a weird experience at a munch once: my next-door neighbour from where I grew up came in and said: “Hi, I’m the new guy.”
    Our parents still live next door to each other. Awkwaaard.

  6. I often fear the inevitable “outing,” as you call it. What better place than a fetish shop, though? My fear is that it’ll be at an elementary school, or a restaurant, or a playdate….

  7. In this day and age, with the exposure you are having online and taking into an account a rather niche “interests & market” you are talking about, I would be more surprised that he didn’t know you/of you than vice versa.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *