Rage & happies, #dommelife

Summer isn’t here yet, but it’s coming with a vengeance. Around 35C (95F) these last couple of days, a lazy heat-haze hanging thick over the water. It shouldn’t officially be hot for another month, but here we are.

I’m back to light sarongs, wide-open windows to try and catch cool-ish breezes, blessed iced coffee in the mornings.

As for #dommelife, hmmm…

I’ve been doing some more study this year: Finished a 2 year web technology course in 7 months with my final subject completed at the end of September. I had been alternatively cruising, then smashing out subjects really quickly with little pockets of hyper-activity. Repeating every month or two. I did a final push in the last month to get it finished, so that took up quite a bit of time and energy at the end there. Done now. Yay me!

On the emotional front, I’ve been angry in a way I’ve not really felt before. I don’t normally express negativity on social media because I’ve found it doesn’t help me to deal with it. It’s not personal anger: Nothing bad has happened to me. It’s political. Separating the political from the personal becomes impossible, though, when the hatred for women, for minorities, for the powerless and disenfranchised hits a certain point. When men I consider ‘good men’ spout the same hatred at me under the guise of ‘rational’ and ‘logical’ intellectualising, I just… can’t any more.

I angry-tweeted about it and I really never do that. But I hit peak ‘fuck this fucking bullshit’ and could not hold it in for another second.

I withdrew from people for a bit to try and avoid spilling my anger onto everything and everyone because for a while there it coloured everything with a red-hot veil of rage.

The upside: I have written 10,000 words of pure rage porn out of it.

What is ‘rage porn’? It is pretty much just anger and violence writ large in a femdom context. It is not sexy, it is not consensual, it is not pretty. It’s brutal and ugly and alienating and unlike anything I’ve ever written.

It’s not finished yet, but wow, hammering it out has been cathartic. I’ve called it ‘Rage: A Femdom Story‘. I’m going to release it towards the end of November: Rage as Christmas gift, amirite?! Here’s a snippet.

If you want to be the first to see the cover and be the first to be notified when it’s out so you can grab it at an introductory discount price, join my mailing list.

I’m not JUST all about the rage, though. Aw hell no!

I’m also working on some happies, which is a much-needed dose of goodness in the midst of not-goodness.

I’ll be releasing ‘Happy Femdom Stories Volume 2‘ in a week or so. I’m so excited about it! (UPDATE: Here it is!!)

It will be another 25 wonderful stories from real-life F/m folks in happy relationships. It’s a shot of pure unadulterated happiness.

Here’s my existing and my soon-to-be happy-makers side-by-side :).

I’m also working on a secret project (ooh!) with MFMWKE (‘My Fabulous Man Who Knows Everything’) who has done a ton of work including the tedious work of waiting forever for my input while I’ve been distracted by other things.

We’re wanting to deliver something useful to the BDSM community. A few lovelies have given me some feedback on it already (thank you!), and I’ll be asking for more reviewers via my mailing list when I think it’s ready.

My perfectionism plus MFMWKE’s amazing technical skills means I struggle to pull the ‘ok let’s goooo!’ trigger because I keep asking for ‘just one more thing…’ and I know he can do it.

I’m MAYBE (no promises) going to record a podcast this afternoon, champagne in hand tackling months worth of questions from my inbox. If you want me to talk to you now (instead of, you know, ‘months from now’…), head on over to my Ask Me page and get in quick with your question/comment/sweetness.

If I get that done today, you’ll get to hear my Australian non-accent in your ears again in a week or so.

As for my love life… *flails*.

I have not had the emotional energy to go chasing any unicorns. This rage I’ve been feeling has made me wary of interacting with new submissive men because my tolerance and patience has been at minus gazillionty and it’s unfair to inflict that on anyone.

I think I’m coming out the other side of it now vs teetering on the edge of some full blown throat-punching savagery, so if you’re my dream sub and you’re lurking out there, now’s the time. Come pour some sweetness on me. Or some champagne. I’m good with both.

Loves: 8
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  1. I was intrigued reading about “Rage: A Femdom Story.” Who could the malignant narcissist be, that has brought a country to its knees and served as an inspiration for the story?

    When meeting people from Italy, Turkey or Russia, very few people admit to supporting Berlusconi, Erdogan or Putin (to name a few persons that fit the bill), and it seems impossible that these men could ever reach power.

    The same is true when thinking of an even more significant and powerful malignant narcissist. Out of the 10-15 persons I’ve been talking to from that country since the election, the closest anyone ever came to support the man, was to say that his female competitor in the last round was not much better. Obviously, not keeping proper security when dealing with sensitive emails is a big deal.

    For me, I think “Rage” will not read like porn. Of course, fiction does not have to be consensual to be erotic. For anyone with a fair amount of imagination, I think it’s possible to separate fantasy from reality. Still, judging from the description, the narrative feels more like a vengeance drama than something else. The simple trick for me to enjoy the reading will be to imagine I’m the domme heroin of the story, rather than a submale. I don’t think my imaginative skills are great enough to make the text feel erotic, but I will no doubt appreciate the final outcome, at least if it’s anything close to what I imagine.

  2. I’m American, and a writer, and I definitely recognized myself in this post. My writing (which is amateur, primarily for myself and close friends) has taken on an edge lately: anger and violence show up in a big way, usually with themes of women and marginalized people getting their own back. Hammering out a particularly biting story often feels like taking revenge.

    Which is to say – I completely understand the impulse that went into the “rage porn,” and it’s gratifying to hear that someone else is angry and coping the same way. I hope the writing helps propel you forward.

    1. @Henry: It is not porn, it is not consensual, and it is not erotica. I’m still convinced some will read it that way: Fantasy-wise some people are into some serious extremes (vore, snuff, castration, dismemberment etc), and that’s fine with me.

      And yes, it is totally about vengeance and reckoning.


    2. @Lu: Thank you so much.

      I read this Twitter thread by another writer, Chuck Wendig, and it is 100% spot-on: We are NOT the only ones feeling this.

      “…you can Write With Your Middle Finger… — write your anger, your fury, your feelings down. You don’t have to keep them. Don’t be a pressure cooker. Art can be a literal release. Use it.

      Take that Middle Finger, dip that digit in BLOOD and RANCOR, and scrawl the story or the image or the idea down. For yourself, and for others. Because others need it, too.”



  3. I think that breaking point has hit a looot of women. I know I’m very much at a “men suck so damn much” phase myself.

    1. @SL: It has, yes.

      I am pathetically grateful when I see men step up, genuinely stepping up and making their voices heard loudly and publicly with their support and their own outrage.

      (and I say ‘pathetic’ there because if FEELS pathetic to be grateful for basic human decency, but it feels like that’s where we are now :/).


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