My comment got too long over there, so I’m posting it here instead.
I’m going to take issue with the opinion Drew floated about hypocrisy and the idea that I have to BE what I want in order to be allowed to want it (i.e. I see no problem with unfit people wanting someone fit, or bald people liking flowing locks, or short people liking someone tall, young people wanting someone older or vice versa on any of those etc). Meh: Tastes are tastes and I think it’s fine to want what I don’t offer myself, especially since complementary desires are often opposites which is wonderful.
But that wasn’t the point of his post. His point was that there are personal ads where the poster is so specific that it’s just wildly unrealistic. His example was this ad in the wilds of Tasmania (a small island state with a capital city of some 220k people, and this person was living in a rural area).
Single, 48 year old kinky Master in XXXXXX village seeking slave to own part time leading to full time. Seeks hispanic male, ages 33-36, between 5’10” and ‘6’2″, must be smooth, must have post graduate degree, must be willing to accept complete ownership, MUST BE LOCAL and do not message if not.
The whole thing is so very specific. The ‘ages 33-36’ bit is the kicker for me. You’re 37? Eww, GTFO! It just… makes no sense.
Do I think some people are delusional about what they want? Yes, absolutely.
Do I think some people are delusional about what they offer? Yes, absolutely.
Do I think some people are so bizarrely narrow in what they want that they will NEVER find it? Yes, absolutely.
We all have preferences, of course, but I get automatically and viscerally turned off when someone describes the person they are seeking in huge detail, like they are custom-ordering a happy meal off a menu at the drive-through.
And I am turned off by it even if I exactly fit the description (tall, slim, fit, blonde, dark eyes, well educated, intelligent, mature, articulate, funny, great breasts (:P)… yeaaaahhhh, I was out by the third adjective, pal). They are showing me exactly how they view relationships and how they view their partner, which is Drew’s point.
They are somehow thinking “If this person fits exactly into my fantasy box, I will finally be happy” and that’s a bunch of ‘set-up-to-fail’ bullshit. When someone’s requirements are so very specific, I’m pretty damn sure that as soon as their perfect date steps outside of those confines, we will hit the ‘I-didn’t-order-this-meal-that-has-it’s-own-opinions’ box, and that’s going to be a problem.
From an F/m perspective, partner and relationship preferences, and a list of kinks is great. I can get a general view of whether we might be compatible in that sense. But when a malesub describes in great detail how I will treat him (and this is not uncommon), again, I’m out. Even if what he describes is exactly what I like. And my reasoning is the same: He has a specific fantasy script already laid out and his partner’s role is to follow it, and that’s not a relationship (much less an F/m one).
Deal breakers? Great, list them.
Broad preferences? Cool, let’s hear them.
But a specific laundry list that reduces the other person to a very narrow set of acceptable characteristics and behaviours? Aw hell no. Nope nopenopenope.
*Fine, not really my ‘boyfriend’ since he is a double gold star gay man but that is a minor detail… :P