I wish I could regale you with fun-hot adventure stories about all the dating successes I’ve been having while not writing about it. Or gush about the fabulous submissive man who has me all a-flutter.
But the round-up is kind of same-sameish. I’m sharing it less because it’s interesting, and more because this is what reality looks like.
I sent cold-call emails on a BDSM site to two submissive men who looked interesting. They seemed thoughtful, had sweet-clever profiles, tall, age-appropriate. They both replied, were very polite, both said ‘no thanks’.
They both [said that they] felt that they didn’t meet my criteria, which may or may not be true. They might have thought I was weird/hideous/awful, but that’s not the sort of thing that polite mature people say along with a ‘no’, and I appreciate that. I don’t link to my blog on that site (that really IS ‘too much’ of me), but my profile hasn’t changed much from this old one, so you can get an idea what they were reacting to.
I suspect one of them wanted to be convinced that he did meet my criteria, mentioning two things in particular about him that he thought should exclude him (to me, they didn’t), but in truth, if someone thinks they aren’t a good match, if they aren’t all ‘hell yes!’ about talking to me and exploring the possibilities, then it IS a no. I’m not interested in taking on the role of coaxing a reluctant/shy/unsure/insecure person into talking to me. Unbridled hopeful enthusiasm or GTFO.
I also messaged a man on a vanilla site where my profile was empty, no pictures (I had just joined and was looking around). He was 6’7, beautiful photos, ex pro-basketballer. He replied with a lovely enthusiasm (‘wow, thank you so much!’). He gave me his phone number straight away, but I never give mine out to strangers, so we exchanged a few emails where I was chatty and sent him links to photos. In the meantime I googled him (always easy when they are unique enough: Don’t pretend you don’t do that!) where there were a lot of recent, more realistic photos (his former-pro profiles had him at 6’9! Oh my!), and family photos (6 kids, 5 still young… yikes!).
In our exchange of emails he didn’t answer any of my questions (‘how many kids’ was one since he mentioned them in his profile) and he struggled to click on the link to my photos (what? how?! the link worked, I had a friend check). The emails devolved to me trying to have a conversation and him replying with various versions of ‘still can’t get the photos’ without any actual responses or conversation. With him being vanilla, with so many young kids, with the refusal to answer basic questions, and the baffling inability to *click a link* FFS, I figured it wasn’t a happening thing, so I told him ‘never mind, best of luck’ and backed out.
I have had a few submissives sneak in and message me when I unhid my profile to show men I had contacted: A couple of them seemed pleasant enough and definitely a cut above, but they weren’t local and it was clear to me that they weren’t looking for a long term relationship, so I thanked them and declined to pursue it.
Of other emails that have landed in my inbox recently from submissives (other than the ‘how r u’ and the ‘r u lookin 4 a slave’ throwaways), the main quality I seem to be attracting is liars, with the only redeeming feature being that they are REALLY BAD AT IT. So yay for the latter, I guess. When called on it, they follow up with more totally transparent lies. Which is kind of funny and sad and ultimately demoralising.
So yeah, that’s where I am on the (non)dating front. Anyone else having better luck out there?